Posted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:25 am Post subject: Crazy things youve done because of OCD.
Here's one I did a while ago.
Drove 20 minutes back to a county fair that my parents had convinced me to go to the day before, once there I bought a ticket and went back thorough the course that I walked through the day before except in reverse, so that I could undo the negative energy that my ocd convinced me the fair had put upon me.
Didn't buy new clothes until I had only 1 shirt left, then finally decided I HAD to buy some clothes so I bought about 5 shirts and returned them all the next day, because it seemed like it caused some negative energy type thing. But I still needed clothes so I bought some the next day from a different store, then I returned about half of them, and got some different ones, and returned about half of those, but I finally was able to get some clothes.
wow that's pretty extreme. i don't have any extreme stories like that. my ocd just tends to be this omnipresent thing that most of the time i don't even notice anymore.
an example of one of my weird ocd traits is that i feel as though i have a cord attached to my back and if i spin in one direction, i have to spin in the other direction so this invisible cord doesn't get tangled. if i walk into a room (in showers, etc) i have to turn in such manners so the cord doesn't get tangled. i'm not even concious about that one most of the time, i just do it on autopilot. this is one among 234789234s.
_________________ “Winners do the things that losers won't do.” -Unknown
Haha, I have the cord thing too, except with me I feel like if the cord gets wrapped around something, it will like cause the energy of the thing that I wrapped around to become a part of me.
If there is a real threat that makes carrying out one of my compulsions too risky, I can tell myself that it was the universes way of telling me, that it is better the way it is. For example I kind of like one way streets and stuff, because then I can just say to myself: "there is NO WAY i am going to drive backwards down a street to "undo" something." And I dont do it for most things, only when I feel like im in a different state of mind after doing something, but I usually think about it for most things.
The worst are places that I last remember being at a long time ago, because I fear that by going to that place it will cause me to return to the state of mind I was in at that time.
Thats so weird that the stuff that ocd causes are so similar among different people. That clearly seems to indicate that it is a chemical thing, all of the compulsions, seem to be to make people feel like everything is even, clean, or whatever.
I've done some pretty crazy things b/c of OCD lol but I don't remember them or don't want to. I'm recovering so I don't know if it's a good idea to remember them atm, maybe when I'm 90% better, (I think I'm about 80% better) I'm little miss optimistic lol. I'll try to remember them and laugh. right now I don't think it'll make me feel good to remember all the pain I been thru and shame I had felt bc of OCD...
my ocd is centered around not letting 'guilty thoughts' influence my life. and since my ocd is pretty bad, this becomes almost impossible at times. if i am obsessing about something i feel guilty about (usually a sexual obsession), i cant let it affect my life in any way, especially not let it benefit me, because i feel like i dont deserve to benefit from disgusting thoughts, etc.
i do 'crazy' things because of ocd almsot daily. i obsess about how a guilty thought will prevent me from enduring some kind of pain or terrible situation, and then put myself in harms way to avoid the feeling that i dont deserve my well-being. ill go to places i know are dangerous becaues i feel like my 'guilty thoughts' have kept me out of harm's way, and so my compulsion is to put myself into harms way. otherwise i feel very dissociative because i feel like i have avoided a huge disaster unfairly. kind of like that movie "final destination".
Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 3:29 am Post subject: Crazy red string.
Thank you so much for posting this! I can't believe other people had the 'chord in the back' thing too! I'm so amazed.
From the age of about six, I had this thing where I thought a big red piece of string was coming from my back and I used to have to make sure it wouldn't get tangled by turning back in directions I had turned and following my route.
The most crazy thing I ever did, was stealing a bottle opener from my nan - one she got in a cracker for Christmas. I took it on Christmas day because I had a feeling that if I didn't bad things would happen.
my OCD is mostly negative energy too, or i get really anxious when i do stuff out of routine... i have to park in the same spot and if i develop a stigma against something like a song or a route during driving i can never use it or listen to the song again. i have to turn my car on the same every time, shower the same, use my phone the same, everything is routine it fucking sucks!
i just saw above the thing about returning to the state of mind, i completely know what you mean i cant go certain places i know i was when i was going through shitty times for fear ill get back into that or the bad stuff will happen again...
when i drive, i notice tall poles (usually street lights or telephone poles) in the corner of my eye. this is really wierd i don't know why i do this, sometimes i don't even notice myself doing this. but when i see these posts in the corner of my eye i flex my butt cheeks (haha i said it was weird) as soon as i am driving by the post. at the same time i imagine myself having ran and jumped over that street post, almost like mario would do in a video game. it's like an invisible version of me is running parallel with the car and jumping over posts. i am crazy.
when i drive and go under a light that has turned yellow, i close my eyes because it is almost like bad luck if my eyes catch the light turning red while i am still passing underneath. i don't believe in it but at the same time i practice this.
_________________ “Winners do the things that losers won't do.” -Unknown
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