Can't cope with this feeling of dislike from people

cobalt_bluester

At work I feel that there are several members of staff that dislike me, and are ignorant towards me considering that I suffer from social phobia, anxiety and depression!! I have noticed that they seem to go out of their way to talk to other members of staff, but treat me (in my opinion) like a complete waste of space. Far from it, I am a pretty intelligent guy who has good qualifications but obviously big personal problems and mental health issues.

I always try and make an effort to be friendly with these persons, but it seems to no avail and I get nowhere with them. I can sometimes take offence with this behaviour towards me as I feel it to be most unfair, unkind, unpleasant and unwanted! It can push me further into myself and I am already quite reserved and shy.

Can anybody suggests ways of coping and being around people at work who I feel don't like me - people that I have no choice but to be around (albeit for short periods of time). For instance, there is this one guy at work called Rafael who in my opinion is just plain ignorant. I asked him just this morning how he was, and he said 'ok', but then never bothered to enquire as to how I was and what my weekend was like. He then later asked another member of staff how there weekend was more or less right in front of me - what does this say about me and him for that matter... I really don't know.

Help please... these people are driving me up the wall and making me feel worse and worse and driving me even deeper into my depression.

victorlexz · Newbie User Joined: Jun 30, 2008 Posts: 5

just ignore them, just talk to them if u need to but everytime u see them tell them hi, i reallydont know what else to say i have the same problem with my High school friends when i see them

Psychedelicious · Posted: Mon Jul 07, 2008 10:19 pm Post subject:

awwhs

. It's just so hard for us to know, because we never know how the other person ACTUALLY feels about us. I don't feel liked or appreciated by anyone either, but I'm just so sure of muself that everyone hates me. But that can't be true you know? Not everyone hates you. To be honest with most of them probably don't even care or think about it at all. You are the only person who can convince yourself that they don't hate you, and you are the one to change it. We just don't know what is going on in other peoples heads!!

Flaming_Badger · Newbie User Joined: Jul 06, 2008 Posts: 33 Location: Wales

People may say that we're paranoid about what people think of us, I'm not so sure. I think that a fair amount of the time, people are just genuinely unpleasant. The key is realising that they do this to everyone, not just us. Society is unpleasant, we're probably more sane than the people who ignore this fact.

My only advice is to remember that is not exclusively about you and that people who look down on you aren't worth your concern. Brush it off and move on, value the opinion of people you respect.

Also, remember that we have our problems and we struggle more than most, but its not anyone's responsibility to help us through it. We have to stand up for ourselves and struggle on. People may be good enough to help us on the way, but don't expect kindness from everyone.

mushawah · Newbie User Joined: May 25, 2008 Posts: 34

im goin through the same thing,except i dont even make an effort to talk to them.but im bein treated like that too,like they are uncomfortable with me being around.but ur smart,so im sure u can understand that they have social problems too if they are uncomfortable around someone like u,know wut i mean.but the only advice i can give is dont worry about it,but i go through the same thing so...its funny how we judge others less than ourselves.

recluse · Posted: Tue Jul 08, 2008 6:55 pm Post subject:

Firt of all you said you make an effort to be pleasant with these people and you can do no more than try your best! The people you talk about sound plain ignorant.

edgarapoo · Newbie User Joined: Jun 16, 2008 Posts: 20

Do you have any common interests with those people? Any common areas in your background? Do you have similar outlooks on life? If so, talk about those things with them.

If not, you can still talk to them about recent news items that would interest them or whatever, but you might have to accept that you're not compatible with those people, and so naturally they won't treat you quite the same as people they are closer to. If that's the case, then you would do best to continue being pleasant with them, but don't expect anything more, because unconsciously you won't REALLY enjoy talking to them anyway (people are always better off with others who are similar to themselves).

I know I'm saying all of this like it's easy (which it's not), but these are things to think about.

al1 · Newbie User Joined: Jul 09, 2008 Posts: 11

hi things like this are really annoying. we are all human beings havent done anything nasty to others and we should all be treated nicely whether we have social anxiety or not!

shakermaker · Newbie User Joined: Jul 09, 2008 Posts: 10

Hi my advice for you mate is to remain bright and optomistic about the whole issue, ive been there and struggled with the same issues. Just remember everybody has people that they feel they gel with better than others,if i were you id draw the conclusion that these three people are the not the kind of people that gel automatically with you, nature has a way of pairing these kind of people up Confused

You must have your favored co workers? These guys are most likely the same. The difference is they lack the insight and/or intelligence that would have informed them that thier blinkered attitude is unwittingly manifesting itself in a marked lack of personal social skills on thier behalf (i acctually feel a bit sorry for them Very Happy

). My guess is they were the kind of kids that were the sheep at school, the ones that follow the charismatic leader everywhere and were mean or bullied other kids. just a wild guess but i think im prolly right, what do you think?? Wink

Kill em with kindness Kido

cobalt_bluester · Posted: Sun Aug 10, 2008 12:19 pm Post subject:

Hi Shakermaker thanks for your advice you have certainly given me something to think about. I think you could be right in saying that these people really aren't my kind of people.