Thank you for that very "enlightened" reply to my message.
Just to let u know, that this is not a "attitude" its the truth. How can i make you understand that what i am telling you is the truth? I am trying to make my voice known to how i am feeling.... But everytime that i have stepped out on the ledge a little bit, i get shoved back, and this has happened every single time that i have tried something, or was forced into a social situation. I honestly do not think you know how i feel, and honestly do not know my situation to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.
As for nice girls, i have not met any, and nor have i met any that are interested in me. Maybe you aren't living in the area that i am living in. Maybe there aren't any girls out there that are nice, available and understanding... for me i have not met one.
_________________ Thats My two cents (including tax)
Joined: Oct 12, 2003 Posts: 35 Location: United States of America
Posted: Mon May 24, 2004 12:03 am Post subject:
crashmodem wrote:
i will lighten up when my life starts to lighten up...
It works the other way around buddy. Act and the good feelings will follow. I'm sure anybody who has done any sort of therapy here would agree with me. You may not feel better the second, third or even the tenth time you try something, but it will get easier with time. At first, the anxiety will always be there! Theres no overnight cure for anxiety.
Do you really believe that your social anxiety is worse than everybody else's? Maybe you have something other than social anxiety. SAD sufferers are aware that their fears are irrational. You aren't. It seems like you truly believe everyone else is out to get you.
Like I said (and many others have said it too) self pity won't get you anywhere. Sitting on your arse won't get you anywhere. Try to overcome this and you will stumble and you WILL fall, but I dont know of anyone who has accomplished anything sitting down.
Try to be as positive as you can. Don't let anxiety control you. Take small steps. Never give up.
It IS all about the attitude, my friend. I tell myself this all the time, and beleive it perhaps 4% of the time. But check this: Me, a kind, attractive 30 year old male, with SP since I was in grammar school, went to a bar party a few weeks ago. I knew noone there. I was scared to death, it's something I generally *can't* do. But I forced the issue.
There were lots of women there. Talking to "strange" women to possibly date was something I could NEVER do (my previous gf's were all from online or had apporached me). But I did, somehow. And, far beyond my wildest imaginings, SUCCEEDED!
What began as a "small exposure" ("go out, talk to girls, feel the fear, do better next time") turned into the goal I figured I might achieve in a year or two.....
(......DAMN college would have been MUCh more fun without SP!!!)
And hey, crash, I know girls who like "geeky guys". Some of them don't mind my droning on about condenser microphones or Lorentz contraction or uvulopalatopharyngoplasty. (I'm a writer )
Good luck, man.... go ahead, be defensive and crass in reply, I understand... I would have done the same.... People told me this stuff a million times, and to me it was all BS until I tried it. Guess what? it works. Maybe not the first time (It was my lucky day I guess), but it WILL.
i dont know how u feel because i have always had friends and boyfriends, but they were always jerks. i have a sweating disorder and it bites. if u really want to find someone just hook up on the internet, or try out one of your best friends, that always works for me! i have a post if you wanna check it out!
Joined: Jun 16, 2004 Posts: 4 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Sun Aug 01, 2004 10:03 am Post subject:
Hi there,
I agree with a lot that has been said on this subject, especially when it comes to taking risks and getting yourself out there. Rejection is a frightening thing, especially for people with anxiety, but without rejection, we can not know the feeling of acceptance, love and the fact that somebody wants to be with us.
My problem is that I always wonder what the other person is feeling, thinking, the way her mind works. I then wind myself up...why is she talking to me, why did she look at my hair? When I look at a girl on the tube, the bus, the pub (I am learning to keep eye contact), I always think that I am coming across as a nutter, a potential psycho. But I am not, and I need to understand that. I have learnt that eye contact is very, very important. How on Earth is she going to know you like her, when you don't even look as if you are nticing her. Girls are anxious about us too, and that needs to be taken on board.
On a happier note, I am learning. I am sad about being alone, but I am not bitter. One day, with help and guidence I will start dating, I will have fun with a girl...until then, I look to the heavens and pray that when I do meet a lovely girl, she understands my problem, and helps me to overcome my fears.
Love is out there, people, is a matter of finding it, and taking the risk.
Take care everyone,
Richard.
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 9:01 pm Post subject: I can't win
Thats true, nobody knows how i feel, They may have shared the same problems that i have had, but there is no way in HELL that i am approaching women ever again. I am sorry, but I blame all the rejection and the lack of appreciation from women. So... you know i am trying to vent here, but it doesn't seem like what i do i can't win.
_________________ Thats My two cents (including tax)
Joined: Aug 02, 2004 Posts: 34 Location: Venezuela
Posted: Wed Aug 04, 2004 10:00 pm Post subject:
Hey guys i read this in a magazine
it was in a diferent language so i hope u understand
If u feel that nobody likes u,you got to ask yourself this:
do i love me?do i feel important?do i deserve good things in life?
if u dont love yourself.. if u dont feel like an important human being people will reject u
dont expect people to feel comfortable with u when u dont feel good about yourself ,start loving everything about YOU and u'll see the difference
Hi, crashmodem, i've been dealing with rejection all my life and it hurts deep down to see ALL accepting eachother and ignoring you, like you have bubonic plague or something, as much as you try being nice to them and doing your best
the more you try to be friendly, the more you disgust them, why the fu*k is that happening ? doesn't seem wright AT ALL
i hope you can relate to that
i developed avoidant personality disorder, and that is because i can't deal with rejection no more, so my natural instinct is to reject people before they have the chance to reject me...because it hurts like hell, i actually FEEL like a sword ripping my chest when that happens and i get strong suicidal thoughts...i know, i'm paranoid, but if you were in my shoes you would understand
but being all negative about this isn't helping at all, i sometimes give it a try to make friends, but then, after being rejected or just ignored, i need my time to recover and heal my mental wounds
talking and joking with my online friends helps me to go on with my life , you should do that too, it can really boost your moral and self esteem, maybe would get to know girls that like you and want to meet you
good luck, i know there is someone for you out there, don't ever lose hope. things won't go on like this for ever, but remember, if YOU do something about it the chances increases
Joined: Oct 31, 2005 Posts: 71 Location: Worcestershire, UK
Posted: Fri Nov 04, 2005 1:26 pm Post subject:
Hi Renegade,
That lost post is so true. I find I've also rejected people because I've assumed they would reject me. I feel as though I'm invisible when I'm out but all the time I'm observing other people. I have to keep reminding myself that I have no evidence to think that they've got better lives than me or are much happier people. But it always makes me feel lonelier to see small groups of people accepting each other and ignoring me. That feeling goes back to when I was at school which I hated and couldn't wait to leave.
I naturally assume people dislike me until I get to know them so it's hard not to permanently feel rejected.
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, you should do that too, it can really boost your moral and self esteem, maybe would get to know girls that like you and want to meet you
