why do women like assholes?

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 150

The actual scientific theory on this is pretty interesting. Women evolved in our evolutionary environment to choose men with resources and status because they would be able to provide for the offspring and ensure their survival. Women who didn't choose high status men would have offspring that would die out. Hence women have evolved to be very attracted to high status males (alpha males). Women will therefore screen men for indicators of the ability to provide for offspring. These things include size, musculature, intelligence, social popularity with other males and females, leader of men and confidence. Confidence is a trait possessed by successful high status men it is a status indicator therefore its attractive. Confident guys usually don't care about what others think about them and behave however they want, often they appear to be concieted jerks. Nice guys who are confident and popular will have a lot of success with women but mostly there aren't that many confident guys who are nice. Guys are mainly nice because they are seeking approval from people and believe that by behaving nicely women will want to sleep with them and people will like them. Its pretty pathetic and selfish when you think about it. Nice guys aren't being nice because they are giving people they are doing it because they are desperate to make friends this is an indicator of a low status male. I used to be one of these by the way and I used to really hate the arrogant jerks who got women.
Its actually pretty good for us guys. Women's attraction is based 80% according to scientific theory on personality and only 20% on genetic fitness i.e. looks. Whereas mens attraction is set to 80% genetic fitness and 20% personality. In other words an ugly girl is in deep shit because she can't change her looks. But an ugly guy can change his personality to a high status personality type and get loads of women.
The downside for us guys is that generally in a pack of primates only the one alpha male will sleep with all of the women. So basically all women have a lot of sex whereas only the 5% of guys who are the alpha males will get all the girls so you have to get into the top 5%. The othere 95% of guys who aren't alpha males spend most of their time sitting at home playing with themselves.
Hope that clarifies the issue.

theman · Newbie User Joined: Feb 20, 2008 Posts: 54

Wow, Shield. Nicely put.

Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 770

There really is so much pressure on males financially too, if you end up at a stage where you want to settle down and your not earning a big wage, i'm not saying thats the most important thing but security can be a barrier ..females are looking for the complete package ..

but you know what? its only a rigid analysis, when you meet the right person and the chemistry is there alot of it doesnt matter because you'll both put up with alot to carry on the relationship ..

but it wont be handed to you on a platter ...

the most important thing is to make each other smile and laugh ..and to share highs and lows ..

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 150

Money doesn't matter there are loads of rich guys that can't get women. Furthermore there are loads of rich, good looking guys that can't get women. If you actually go out there you will find that the guys that get women are very socially confident and can be themselves. This is the common thread to being good with women. Social phobia is in direct opposition to that. I'm pretty confident that if you don't get rid of social phobia you will not be very popular. At best you may get lucky a few times at worst guys with social phobia will be virgins all their life.

Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 770

Well i disagree that girls are only interested in outgoing confident guys, sure often they appreciate those qualities, but ive been friends with girls who liked me because i'm shy and i listen, and i'll eventually open up and talk more ..they just liked the company of having someone there.,

it depends on what they are after, and yes ive also known girls who would hang out with me but were attracted to the more muscular taller guy she didnt know as well ..

so i can see it from both sides, unfortunately it just doesnt go our way alot of the time ..ive learnt to respect that people have their own ideas so i shouldnt become too attatched or obsessive over crushes ...so but although i dont get crushes anymore which probably isnt a healthy thing..

i just think this entire thread is takin what girls want out of proportion, people are so complex in the first place ..there could be many reason people attract each other ...

also im sure many males want a loud outgoing, in your face girl ...there is nothing wrong with that, for me i dont care, she can be more on the side of quiet or talkative, if we like each other, thats all you need

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 150

Thats true there is individual variation I agree that a small amount of women are attracted to shy guys and they probably find it cute. However the large majority aren't. I don't think many social phobics are playboys. Not just because they're scared to interact but because even when they do interact they turn people off. I've been there myself. The fact that there are so many posts on this board about guys who have women problems is proof that shyness and women don't mix. As for me I have been told that I'm a very good looking guy. Guess what? Women wanted to talk to me but every single one lost attraction to me after five minutes of conversation. What does this show? Looks mean nothing. If I was ugly and had the right personality I would get a lot of girls. My friends are like this (sorry friends). The only difference is girls wouldn't come to them they would have to approach.
I urge people not to bullshit themselves by saying to themselves women will love me for being shy so that they don't have to overcome their problems. The more socially confident you are the more social success you can expect in my experience its very linear. But it takes work. A lot of work. But its very achievable. I go to clubs by myself these days and chat with women. It makes me a bit nervous even now but its achievable. A couple of years ago when I couldn't even walk around a shopping mall without shaking I didn't think this would be possible. There are no excuses anyone who has social anxiety has so because they don't want to make the effort to change. ITS YOUR FAULT YOU HAVE SOCIAL ANXIETY. Take responsibility. That is my belief.

Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 770

You've got to be kidding me right, in a world of sheep that's influenced by tv culture i'd agree with you? not all girls are like that though, yes it is common, especially in this current western culture of being conditioned and influenced by mainstream, commercial tv, films, music and the americana way of life that shy guys have a limited chance, then on the flipside girls are becoming alot more independent then ever before in that they dont need an alpha male to run the show, often arrogant alpha males will be so over-bearing and needy to their own selfishness, controlling .."it has to be done this way" ...etc .

there are also variations of "outgoing", shy people can be outgoing in certain environments ...

are we talking about a guy who will talk non-stp and be a continuous comedian all the time? ....i'm sure most people have that inside them ..they just lack the self-esteem to play with that gift ..

you can be shy and still talkative at times ...everyone has a level of confidence that may be high or is low needs work, improvement ..

i had a friend that used to talk so much over time it became annoying, and shy friends but all unique in their own right, but i didnt prefer one over the other ...

..its a very cliched and generic outlook to say that most girls are looking for one cliched personality, yes i see it in my sister and auntie, both went for the outgoing, tall, arrogant and in your face types, both are nice guys as ive worked with one of them for a year and i can say that over a period of time the novelty of this wears away, my uncle unwravelled while i was there, i could tell he was more anxious then me at times, so what appeares on the exterior at parties, i knew that it was just hiding behind alot of personal issues .. .. .. ...

yes some girls also want the cliched alpha-male type too, i see it alot amongst people, though i dont know if they saw something else that had nothing to do with those traits

yes some girls will have made their minds up in their head that they only want a person thats talkative and will take them away to another world, yep that does happen, ive been around to see it happen first hand ..

ive met girls who dont like it at all and want a person around thats similar to them so they arnt so narrow minded .. ..

some girls like the mysterious and calm people to be around that will slowly unwind and feel comfortable over time as well ...so its not as in your face for them. .

and i throw it out to any girl, who would want someone who's perfect?

shield · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 20, 2008 Posts: 150

Well I guess I can't prove that women prefer self-confident and socially comfortable guys. But through observation I think you will probably find it holds true. Just like the majority of guys prefer women with a cliched look (some slight variation in this) I think women prefer guys with a cliched personality (with some slight variation in this also).

ripewithdecay · Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 7:33 am Post subject:

If girls are truly programmed only to be attracted to the alpha male, and 95% of us are fucked, then God is a real asshole imo.

Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 770