Yep - i'm a serial people pusher! It 's been going on for pretty much all my life, recently i've begun thinking im a bit of a narcissist. That i take after my father and you have more chance of getting love out of a stone than anything from me.
Over the yaers i've had 'contact' with different social circles and eventually they all get left behind - like i'm on a one man mission to leave everyone else behind so i can be happily miserable on my own. I always used to have this recurring dream of being left behind when i was younger, maybe some people are better off on their own?
Just reading what others have said, it's still comforting to read of other people having similar feelings:
"I feel that if I let them get too close...I will then have to give more away of myself than I am comfortable with. "
i always feel pressure. if we had a good time hanging out one time, what about the next and the next time after that? how do i maintain that interest that person may have had for me in da beginning??
on the other hand i really want to find that closeness whether it be with a friend or in a relationship. but i cant express in words how much aniexty and worry i get thinking of someone i like finding out. more so than first meeting the person.
i have the same reaction. when i first meet people i seem to be able to be witty and make some small talk, but when i meet people again i seem to withdraw. i don't know why i do this. on the one hand i long for a close friend, but on the other i am afraid that someone will find out that i am lame after all.
Yeah, im with all of you on this one. I can somewhat cover up my anxiety in a group of new people, but its worse if there is even one person there ive seen before. Ive always broken contact with people too. I think more normal folks dont persue friendship with me cause i dont really reciprocate, so the only people i hang out with are increasingly messed up (codependent?) which certainly doesnt help. I almost didnt go home for christmas cause my grandfather, aunt, and brother were there... and ive thought about not talking to my parents anymore... then id really be alone. sux
I tend to push people away and out, people who i get on well with i.e. relationships i stop putting effort in especially when there is a prospect of going out with someone. Also at times i push my friends out and stuff. Im very lucky to have good friends and i realise that but at times im really short with them and i just cant help it. Im becoming terrified that i will lose them, i hate the fact they are amazing people and obviously want to be my friends but at the end of the day its just me causing any problems.
I have realized that so many of my problems with relationships stem from pushing people away. The ones that get through to me are the most persistent. And then I am not so sure I want them. When I go after what I want, I feel vulnerable (obviously) and then am afraid of rejection and getting my heart broken. I don't know if I should continue trying to go after what I want, or and let myself feel insecure in relationships, or should I just continue to have relationships with people who do not threaten my security ever, and who I am not afraid of. I tend to look for people who are a lot like me so my sense of self is not threatened by someone who is different (how odd). I think with someone who is different, I tend to lose my sense of self, but isn't that what life is about, learning and growing?
So I am afraid that I am doomed to end up with the person who is so much like me and will continue to accept me even if I try to push them away. Pretty pathetic and sounds like a life filled with routine......
Joined: Feb 14, 2006 Posts: 11 Location: Australia
Posted: Mon Mar 13, 2006 12:00 pm Post subject:
I can relate to alot of whats been said. i can talk to strangers the first time (sort of), though once familiarity sets in i can go kind of blank and become withdrawn.
Sometimes when im in a social situation i have this feeling like there is a pane of glass between me and everyone else, like im standing outside a giant snowdome looking in -just watching but not being able to reach through..
Last edited by whatawaster on Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:31 am; edited 1 time in total
this is kind of intresting, i was googling it up to get a msn name, and i searched i why do i push people away, and well stumbled on this
I can pretty much relate to 90% of the post's on here, wich kinda freaks me out. I never actualy thought about something being wrong with me, i duno i figured it was just a pase, but i Push people away so much, people i work with im great, people i never see im great. i have 2 friends i pretty much hang arownd with. lots of other friends well i had...
I think everyone got sick of me not calling, haning out, talking to them, that they gave up hope, over the last 2 years i have deffntly lost a part of me.
I crave a relashionship soo bad anytime anyone shows intrest i think theres another motive i con my self into thinking something so i dont have to go threw seeing them again or something like that. Ihave a fun style tattoos pretty normnal 21 year old,out going, but anytime someone shows intrest i talk my self out of it.
Sorry this is all over the place.
Not sure what to say actualy, just kind of shocked most of you are dealing with the exact same problems as me...
hmmm everyday i crave to have someone by my sidem, but at the same time it seems alot easyer to be alone.
Posted: Wed May 02, 2007 2:38 am Post subject: Why I push people away
I can feel for all of you here. My situation however is unique. What makes it unique is that I was close to two people in particular and suddenly I feel I can't be near them. I look down quicky whenever we make eye contact and if I see them walking, I walk the other way. I truly enjoy having them in my company and now I push them away? I am really confused and I am scared to go back to talk to them because I am sure they will turn me away. I guess the reason the way I act like this because we have been through alot together. But that should not be an excuse! I wish to heaven that someone can help me! Thank you for listening!
Joined: Jul 14, 2006 Posts: 606 Location: Australia
Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 11:00 pm Post subject:
I scare people away, I let myself trust someone and then they throw it back in my face...and it happens all the time......I spend all my time wondering what I've done wrong to deserve it, and whether I could have done things differently.....with a feeling like I'm about to throw up or cry or both
_________________ We're not mental or anything, so don't be afraid.
Wayne Campbell
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is this the fella that you were talking about in the 'how do you feel' post?.
