anybody ever have a hard time getting along with people??

Guest

ever since i was a kid, i've always had a difficult time relating to people in social situations, i've never had a girlfriend, and get really nervous on dates. i've been through like 3 or 4 best friends, all of whom hate me now. because i was such a troubled teen.
i had anxiety and depression during my younger days. i fell in with the wrong crowd during my preteens, and my entire family(dad he hates my guts, and i don't feel comfortable around him), relatives and friends think that i was a total screwup, and a bad person because of how i used to dress and act, (like baggy jeans, etc... type).
now im turning 20 in november and i have like only 1 friend, and still no girlfriend, and this sa condition that made everyone at my work think that i am weird, because i looked standoffish all the time because i never talked to anyone, and always got scared whenever someone talked to me. i hate going to work so much now, what should i do, what do you guys think, am i a total screwup???

sengd001 · Newbie User Joined: Sep 18, 2004 Posts: 17

that post was mines, i forgot to log in, sorry Very Happy

Flax · Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2004 6:11 pm Post subject:

If it's possible that I may be hurt eventually or put into uncomfortable situations I decide to stop it before anything could ever happen. I reject nearly every invite to parties or anything that makes me uncomfortable and I'm afraid my friends may interpret this as me not liking them anymore. I have never been rejected by a girl in my life, that statement makes me sound like I'm irresistable. No, I've never even put myself into a situation where I could be rejected. I've never asked a girl out, I've never been on a date, I've never really even showed any affection to any girls. But secretly I am very lonely and do want love and a sex life.

lifesnotfair · Posted: Wed Oct 13, 2004 6:38 pm Post subject:

i absolutely hate being in social situations, the only exception is with a group of people that i can relate to, such as a group of people that have the same interests, or the same problem(s)

Yossarian · Posted: Thu Oct 14, 2004 3:33 am Post subject:

Hey you're not a screw up. You, like many find social situations hard that's all. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I've also been through a few good friends and it sucks. No matter how hard I try things always go wrong. The last time was on my birthday and we went out for a drink and guess what the town had a power cut! so we went back to my place. Anyway he had confidence problems and I was telling him he was a really great guy and how intelligent he was because he wanted to go back to college but felt he wasn't smart enough. The next thing he attacked me and never spoke to me again. What the fuck was that about? I give up.

As for being standoffish that's common for those who find socialising difficult. I was stunned when people first told me they found me aloof. Guess it just goes with the territory. I did once try to turn my distance in to an air of mysterious cool but I just ended up walking into things.

Maybe you should tell them you're shy and you don't mean to offend anyone it's just hard for you etc. They might accept that and not pressure you so much, people can sometimes be more understanding than we think. and it has worked for me in the past.

Good luck whatever happens ... and you're not a screwup!

Guest · Guest

I get very standoffish with people when I feel the pressure to socialize. I am considering therapy because it makes work very lonely not to have anyone to talk to all day. Also, I don't date and have only 1 friend who has 6 kids and a husband and, thus, has no time really for a friendship with a single female.

Signed,
OnlyuntilIgetBetter
__________
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loucat · Posted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 10:25 pm Post subject:

i have to drink for most social situations which is very bad

richkid · Posted: Sat Dec 04, 2004 9:09 pm Post subject:

My hatered of social situations lies from an expectation that ity is going to be shit and I'm going to say something uninteresting. I basically on a downer before I'm there. It will always be like this if that is a presumption.
I learning not to make presumptions abouot anything as nothing is know. THe fear lies in past experience that no longer exists for me. I think many people have a image of how it should be and when it doesn't happen their ideal situation colapses around them.

Just obsevering some conversations, and the silences I realising that no body is great at socialising some people have a knack for it because they practice, simple as. You can have a conversation about anything just make it your own, make it funny, stupid it doesn't really matter. Great Ideas come from simple things.

If you try to fight it you'll make it worse try to go with it and see what happens.

madfrank · Guest

Yup

Hell is other people as far as im concerned

Which is why my life is so bad

They stress me out p me off get me angry etc etc

take care

steven

Guest

now im turning 20 in november and i have like only 1 friend, and still no girlfriend, and this sa condition that made everyone at my work think that i am weird, because i looked standoffish all the time because i never talked to anyone, and always got scared whenever someone talked to me. i hate going to work so much now, what should i do, what do you guys think, am i a total screwup???[/quote]

i totally feel the same.

Thing is with my close friends I am totally open. I think it comes from a fear of being myself infront of others. Im scared that I might say something inappropriate or offensive or stupid or may just look strange. Unlike extroverts, i dont like to blurt stufff out without analysing it. This often means conversation is hampered because im being too polite or just dont join in at all.
I end up gettin really pissed off when people start askin why im so quiet. And man it really makes my blood boil when people say stuff like 'he dont like to join in' or 'hes very unsociable'.
The view im trying to take at the moment is just be myself, be true to myself. if people dont find my jokes funny or my stories interesting I cant help that.
I alwys thought that fitting in is about being someone else or being like everyone else. But then i look at all the great people that inspire me and they are totally unique, but are true to themselves. I dont think ill ever put myself out there as much as extroverted people but im getting there.

This is something that inspires me alot to not worry if people think im a total tool:
'The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.'