Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 8:40 pm Post subject: A tip for the shy
I discovered a new way to talk to people if you are shy: ask them the time. This conversation will only last about 5 seconds (the will say "it's five 30" or "dont have a watch", etc.) but if you are really anxious or insecure about speaking, it can help. Because this week you will be doing this and next week or next month you may be having a longer dialogue. From now on I will try to ask at least 10 people a day for the time, just not all in the same place and time because they may think you are a bit weird.
What I like to do is fake choking in a restaraunt, then let someone save my life by giving me the Heimlich. That way they feel good about themselves and I feel good for oversoming my shyness. Its a win-win situation. Quite the conversation starter, let me tell you!!
although it isnt particularly productive in each case of talking to one single person, i agree it boosts confidence for the day. I think for me it works in general, sometimes if i find myself near someone i can ask any random question, no matter how pointless and obvious. At least they'll think you can talk, maybe a real conversation might happen.
But just leaving it at one question does help. I don't know if the time is the best thing to ask about, it can seem odd sometimes. One thing i do is comment on something, like the weather or an event that has happened, maybe even something that links you and the other person together like school/work, etc. These questions may seem even more pointless than askng the time, but just saying 'argh, its so cold today' or 'its a shame all the snow has gone, thats our one day of snow for the year' are possible variations. (they only work with people you know a bit better). Things like that are so easy to say, and a bit more creative. was that of any use? i write a bit much sometimes..
Posted: Wed Feb 14, 2007 10:44 pm Post subject: Re: A tip for the shy
arjuna wrote:
I discovered a new way to talk to people if you are shy: ask them the time. This conversation will only last about 5 seconds (the will say "it's five 30" or "dont have a watch", etc.) but if you are really anxious or insecure about speaking, it can help. Because this week you will be doing this and next week or next month you may be having a longer dialogue. From now on I will try to ask at least 10 people a day for the time, just not all in the same place and time because they may think you are a bit weird.
This technique has worked out well for me. In the worst possible case you get a very quick and abrupt response – in the best case, you are able to exchange a few more words beyond the initial question. I find that I can read people and gauge their response, and likelihood of them prolonging the conversation, within the first few seconds. One thing I have leaned from this is that you cannot paint everyone with the same brush, and you never know what response you might get. A few times this technique has opened the door to a full fledged conversation.
However, that is just a bonus – what I truly value is the practice I get talking to strange people. Every social experience has some value one way or the other.
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