old, ugly and always alone

steveg333 · Newbie User Joined: Dec 26, 2006 Posts: 2

I'm pushing 40, chronically depressed since I was 16, never married and very few friends. I live alone and work f/t. I have an ugly face so I hardly ever date and have only ever had 1 girlfriend for 4 months!-this situation is extremely PATHETIC!!! I'm finding it hard to make friends at this age, and the chronic singleness is tearing me up inside - I had always thought/hoped I would be married by 30-35. At this age it's also unlikely I can change my personality; I'm quiet, not antisocial but not outgoing.
Anyway, since it's very likely I will always be single, any advice for dealing with/accepting never marrying? I take Paxil 30mg, but it's not helping me be content/happy with being alone.

red_reagel · Newbie User Joined: Nov 19, 2006 Posts: 81

That sucks. Do you have a job or go out where there are many people to talk to? I would suggest at least trying to talk to women or starting up a conversation. Sometimes when you talk to them first, they love it because they themselves are shy. This works for girls wanting to talk to guys too. And it also seems like you have really low self-esteem. Looks aren't everything, so try seeing past your looks and explore the talents/good personality traits you have in yourself. Try starting up conversations and don't worry about how you approach people. Approaching people is hard, but it's better if you worry about just talking to them than how you look infront of them.

Find a woman who's alone or looks bored, and start talking about how she's doing. But take it slow and don't rush right into a relationship. Just start to be her friend first and show your good sides. I wish I could help more, but I don't know you that well.

pinkputter · Intermediate User Joined: Aug 09, 2006 Posts: 129

I think you have a great mind set! You are already doing great since you have decided to accept yourself. To me, thats the first step.

Do you have any family or long time friends close by? If so I would say to really gain support from them. They can become your support system and source of strength for you.

I live far away from my parents, and family, and even though i get to see them, i need something at my home away from home that acts as my family in a way. I am really involved with church and i have found getting really involved in something you enjoy helps. Find a hobby, find a pass time, find a club. And going along with this, choose a goal or achievement you want to accomplish and go out for it. Get really excited about the end product, and work really hard for it. A sense of achievement can be so rewarding!

Also, for lonliness even if you dont like animals, consider getting a pet! For me dogs are the most loyal and best for companionship, but whatever floats your boat as long as you think it helps!

I think that would be a tough thing to go through, but at the same time this is YOUR life you can be happy doing what you want, whatever makes you happy. There are lots of unmarried people out there, so i wouldnt focus on that. You have a job that pays well and you support yourself. The best advice is just to enjoy every thing as much as you can, and get into the moment as much as possible.

I wish you the best of luck!

Lonelyheart · Newbie User Joined: Oct 08, 2006 Posts: 65

Hi steveg333. I agree with pinkputter; I think the best way you can cope with your difficult situation is to get really involved in a hobby or activity. I’m only 25; however, I’m in a similar situation as you are. I’ve never had a girlfriend and lack the social skill and experience that my peers have. As I grow older and older, I become less and less optimistic because my relationship immaturity becomes more noticeable.

In addition to social phobia, I also suffer from chronic, debilitating neck pain; as a result, I am unable to engage in many of the activities I use to. However, before I started suffering from chronic neck pain, I exercised all the time. I found exercise to be a very effective outlet for depression and a good way to stay busy. If you remain busy enough, you won’t have time to think about how lonely you are.

Exercise will help improve your self-esteem, self-concept, mood, strength, stamina, cognition, and many other things. I know exercise works because as a teen I was very depressed and exercise was the only thing that helped to improve my mood. And, of course, there are also many books, articles, and experiments that have confirmed the benefits of exercise.

If you need any help or suggestions on how to start a work-out routine, just ask.