Joined: Nov 22, 2004 Posts: 1 Location: United Kingdom
Posted: Mon Nov 22, 2004 4:46 pm Post subject: looking for friendship
Hi,
I am 44 and suffer from social phobia. I would genuinely love to hear from anyone who is looking for friendship. I love nature and walking in the countryside, photography, listening to music, reading and meditation.
you know I am sick of being 'choosey'. Why would I want to be choosey when I hate people being judgemental towards myself. Do I have criteria when it comes to close intimate friendships sure- common interests, open-mindedness, insightfulness, and just being a good person and so on. The good person thingy is so lacking these days as it seems to not be fashionable. But, I don't care anymore. Maybe I will try a strategy of being everyones friend- if they don't meet my moral standards- then maybe I will just have to influence them into being better, not judging or condemning them for not being exactly like myself.
Ooop... what I meant to say is- of course I will be your friend. Talk to me anytime.
Let me see.... hmmmm, my interests- I'm addicted to music, I am addicted to my studies- if I wasn't a social phobe then maybe I would be a professor, it sounds cliche- but I love nature, what else... I dunno, I need to find more things to bring joy to my life, that would be a great step.
Joined: Nov 23, 2004 Posts: 1676 Location: Manchester UK
Posted: Mon Dec 20, 2004 12:47 am Post subject:
I've met quite alot of SA peeps going to meets and stuff, only made good freindships with a few as I tend to go for people I find very warm and genuine in freindship, that dosnt mean they are angels or anything, just no bull and they'd cut thier right arm off for you, that is what I look for in a freind.
I have alot of 'normal' freinds like that too luckily, though its took me a few years to find them (and weed out the worms )
_________________ I'm not a moderator anymore, please ignore that title
if they don't meet my moral standards- then maybe I will just have to influence them into being better...
What the hell are you talking about???
Mostly I just went off on a tangent that didn't directly relate to the original post. Oh, well, just started examining myself I reckon. Stupid me.
morals:of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior.
I used that term in a very loose sense.
Just meant standards in general. But some people who may not meet my moral standard may be someone who tends to jump to conclusions, which in alot of cases tends to be overly confident people who come to the conclusion that they are smarter or better than other people when in fact that they are probably just normally average people with inflated self-esteems. I generally find that those sorta people unjustly hurt other people.
In anycase, maybe I should have touched on all basis moral or not. As far as influencing people... generally I find that alot of people go around on a self righteous kick, condemning anyone who do not meet their mold of perfection. Have I inflated this danger because of my SA? Yep.
Also, I can't say that I've never been immune to any of this myself, but now I am just saying that if I don't want to be condemned because of my imperfections then I shouldn't do the same towards other people.
Also people in general instead of being accepting of people who don't meet their standards moral or not (I'm not necessarily refering to religious morals) tend to either condemn people- which only results in people becoming defensive or shunning them. I think a better solution is educate people and influence them in a positive manner. But of course there are some people who should be condemned,- hitler, rapists, etc.
And no, I don't think I am better than anyone else.
wist, do you realise that some times you make no sense to anyone...lol. Not being mean but sometimes you go on and on, I think because you know what your trying to say you think other people will know what your going on about but at times this is unclear. Like the last thread...one moment your telling us that you not be judging and what not but then you go on to say about influencing them to change for the better...Are you saying that only your opinions are right, or that your way of thinking is the only way to think? You have just juged and condemned...are you sure thats how you wanted to come across?...or maybe you were tired when you wrote it, I dont know.
Anyways, I might not be here for a few days so have a good christmas
wist, do you realise that some times you make no sense to anyone...lol. Not being mean but sometimes you go on and on, I think because you know what your trying to say you think other people will know what your going on about but at times this is unclear. Like the last thread...one moment your telling us that you not be judging and what not but then you go on to say about influencing them to change for the better...Are you saying that only your opinions are right, or that your way of thinking is the only way to think? You have just juged and condemned...are you sure thats how you wanted to come across?...or maybe you were tired when you wrote it, I dont know.
Anyways, I might not be here for a few days so have a good christmas
Well, maybe you are right- I should stop assuming that people will be able to jump to accurate conclusions based off of generalities that I bring up- meaning that I should be more precise and spell things out. Judging- everyone should use discretion, but I think most people,yes maybe even myself should be more tolerant of differences.
When I use the word condemn- I mean as in to convict someone in the sense that a person (sometimes needlessly) sanctions a person or punishes them by belittling or ostracizing, etc.
Am I saying that only my opinions are right? Of course not, but most thoughtful people operate under that belief that they are at least probably right in their opinions and try to keep an open mind towards all perspectives and contrary opinions. I admit that I can be wrong and I am perfectly open to constructive criticism, just not mindless personal attacks. As far as influencing; just observe people, some people's esteems are so inflated that they become totally agressive and can care less about the person that they berate and whom they feel superior too. Maybe if people were more tolerant then they would learn to get to know other people better without jumping to conclusions. Most people have something good to offer I think.
But, you know that I'm not the only one who ever comes across unclear: "Like the last thread...one moment your telling us that you not be judging and what not ".... never mind, I can figure out what you are saying. Get my point?
anywho point taken- I need to try to come off less condescending and more clear. By the way- I did start going off in a tangent in my 1st thread at this post- oh well, I'll keep a lid on it.
No ones asking you to keep a lid on it so dont go taking things so personally young man (did i sound like your mother then?..lol). Its just that sometimes your posts can contrdict themselves. Its ok though, we all have moments where we write things out and it makes no sense to anyone but ourselves. Though I do think you take things a little more personally than you say you do. Its ok, Its not a weakness, its the SP.
Anyway, dont go taking offence to the things I say, I just need to get things clear so that I can understand what it is your trying to get across. So, keep posting...or i might have to come to your house and give you a kick up the bum as a jump start
Excitment of christmas is kicking in, that or i'm getting a little kinky in my old age..lmao.
This is about James, isn't it?
Very sad.
He's probarly long gone.
This site no doubt is very helpful, but sometimes i wonder if people are in it 100% just for themselves. What's the saying treat others how you wish to be treated?
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(and weed out the worms 
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