A Step nearer recovery

hunkychunky1 · Newbie User Joined: May 19, 2006 Posts: 4

Hi Again, If you read my last post you wil know my problem.,
Now my PTSD/ trauma/ rage has passed i am left with a difficult dilema.
I am pretty sure i was Co dependant and possibly Bi Polar but since breaking my relationship addiction with a so called friend after six months of therapy i am a little wiser. The problem now is this I still see this man
at a club where we play snooker in the same team and i keep my distance and only exchange niceties for the sake of others.
I am really unhappy because i have allowed him to coerse and manipulate my emotions. I have enabled him and kept his devious secrets (repeated cheating on his girlfriend) whilst he bragged about his conquests. what was i doing ? i think i was so needy that i just accepted
the way he was without question. His girlfriend had suspicions and asked me to keep an eye on him while she was away on regular trips abroad.
when i challenged him he became angry and controlling.
I have been threatened by him saying he will end our friendship if i speak.
My mother was cheated on by a man who left her pregnant and he has done the same to a girl i know. He has no sense of responsibility and uses people indiscriminately. He tried to get in between a girl and me and again
with his best friends girl. i know what my problem is what is his ?
I have told him he is selfish irresponsible and immature but that is a bit rich comming from me as i feel i have been co dependant.
He is now spreading rumours about me to protect his own secrets which
are affecting my social life. allthough i have been controlling he now
wants to control the things i might say about him. How can i protect my self and my right to attend the sports club when he is being so devious.
The problem is that i know his secrets and i am obviously seen as a threat. He continually makes underhand remarks to try to destableize
my now growing confidence and improveing self esteem. I believe he controlls his girlfriend by emotionally keeping her down and i can see she loves him and is blind to his cheating and manipulating ways.
I honestly am torn between warning her and just keeping my nose out.
just to recap he is doing three things
1. controlling me i am now unavailable
2. controling his girlfriend.
3. Trying desperately to discredit me to the commitee of the club who i have just realised seem to be against me.
How do i stop his devious behaviour ? As it has gone beyond a joke !
I can see he is panicing and becoming paranoid as i become stronger
(thankyou therapy ) i dont want to hurt him as i feel sorry for him as he
obviously has problems of his own.
But i will no longer be controlled , threatened or gagged and made to look
like i am the bad person. What do i do ???????

hunkychunky1 · Newbie User Joined: May 19, 2006 Posts: 4

I seem to have gotten myself into a bit of a mess here but desperately want to sort it out........
What is my best plan of action ?

Am i being bullied ? or just controlled ?

I am so confused as i have thought it was me trying to control
but i have stopped this now and just want to live a normal life.

Please help...

Any constructive comments welcome !...

P.s. I also seem to be Attention deficit which makes it very hard for me to
learn and retain information and i feel i have been bullied , manipulated and coersed because i am different.
But i am definately on the mend as i think this second episode of PTSD
(two years) is just begining to fade.

I hope i have now learned my lesson not to be attracted to narcissistic
controlling bullying types.

Thelema · Expert User Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 839 Location: USA

This guy sounds like real trash. My advice is to come clean and tell his girlfriend everything. Then after you tell her EVERYTHING he has done try to convince her of that trash he really is and that she needs to find a real man. He is no friend if he manipulates you and abuses you. If the truth coming out would ruin a friendship what kind of friendship is it in the first place? You know the longer you let him get away with this stuff the worse it will get.

_________________

Fear not at all; fear neither men nor Fates, nor gods, nor anything

Be thou therefore without fear for in the heart of the coward virtue abideth not.

hunkychunky1 · Newbie User Joined: May 19, 2006 Posts: 4

[quote="Thelema"]This guy sounds like real trash. My advice is to come clean and tell his girlfriend everything. Then after you tell her EVERYTHING he has done try to convince her of that trash he really is and that she needs to find a real man. He is no friend if he manipulates you and abuses you. If the truth coming out would ruin a friendship what kind of friendship is it in the first place? You know the longer you let him get away with this stuff the worse it will get.[/quoteThanks for your support ! I have thought long and hard about what if anything i should do.
He has continually disrespected me and his girlfriend and because of the psychological problems i have had i blame him for contributing to them.
He is a bastard !. Some people men have advised me to just move on and forget about him as i will only perpetuate my PTSD through more stress. From a female point of view i can see where you are coming from also as my temperament and nature is more feminine and caring than macho. On a lighter note is that a picture of Judas Priest !.
Thanks again for your support ! Hunkychunky!

Thelema · Expert User Joined: Jul 22, 2006 Posts: 839 Location: USA

[quote="hunkychunky1"]