Hi, newbie my story (will sum it up for you ;-))

alwaysbeenshy · Newbie User Joined: Mar 25, 2007 Posts: 12

Hi,

I have always been shy for as long as I can remember but developed social phobia when i was in my late teens and more recently in the last few years OCD although in hindsight I had slight OCD behaviour in my mid teens.

I have always made friends reasonably easy but keeping them was the hard part, i usually push people away when i see them starting to like me or vice versa because i dont want them to know i am a fraud and get to know the real me as I almost always 'wear a mask' when speaking with people so they never really get to know the real me who i am ashamed of.

I switch jobs more often than i change my underwear Wink

i have not stayed anywhere long enough to accrue annual leave! If I stay anywhere for longer than 6 months I am amazed, i tend to quit after comments are said about how shy and quiet i am and this leaves me paranoid thinking that they believe this is strange behaviour and that they dont really want to talk to me as i am boring.

I am moving to sydney (permanently) in 5 weeks and am excited as i have lived there a little while before and think it is a fabulous city but am soooo extremely nervous about starting a new life such as new job, making new friends (good luck with that one), joining different hobby groups etc. Saying all that I do have a great circle of friends back in Perth where I am orginally from although most of them I have met off the internet and cant seem to shake the stigma in my mind that this is a little sad to have to meet people this way, either way they are really nice people that I have lots of fun with but this time around when moving to Sydney would love to have the confidence to meet people the normal way, through work, joining different hobby groups, out and about somewhere and just strike up a conversation?? that way i can tell people how we really met and not get embarrased or make up a story of how we met.

My main social phobia anxiety is when i am around a social or non social group of people whether i know them or not although worse if i do not know them but more recently i seem to be getting nervous around friends and even more strangley around my immediate family members but i think that is more due to the fact that i am starting to let people know i have emotional problems and feel a little exposed that they are starting to know the real me.

I used to drink and take drugs quite heavily when in social situations (and outside alone to take the pain away, self medicating i suppose) and yup people commented how friendly and social i was, but it wasn't real and in the end I would dive into a deep depression as a side effect of the alcohol and drugs! It was not easy but I now rarely drink and if I do it is one or two glasses of wine and I feel so much better now that i dont drink or take drugs, a little more raw and out there around people now but better than being a fake having a hang over the next day or next few months!

I am recently taking responsibility for my anxiety problems and beginning to open up to people about it, trying to seek help and get better, i try very hard to rationalise my thinking and that is difficult enough in itself to retrain your brain after years of thinking about problems which in reality you have made up yourself and are not there. I am confident with support I will become a confident person and I know everyone gets nervous and i just want to be at that stage a 'normal' nervous instead of this social phobia, OCD etc controlling and dictating my life nervous!!

Thanks for reading my rant Very Happy

alwaysbeenshy

unintentional · Newbie User Joined: Mar 30, 2007 Posts: 5

Good on ya.. Very Happy

Good idea with the move too, like a fresh start.

Lots of Sydney people on here!