Mr. Lonely here...

loner45 · Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 4:21 am Post subject: Mr. Lonely here...

Hello everyone. I just ran across this forum and it seems very interesting. I needed somewhere to explain my situation, and perhaps get some advice or help. I'm at my wits end trying, but can't succeed.

I'm a 45 year old gentleman who has never been on a date. I've been out with groups of people (coed), but I have never have been out alone with a woman on an intimate date at all. I feel like my life is over, and I've nothing left. I've never asked a girl out. All of this goes back to high school. I was a orphaned single child with no siblings, who had elderly foster parents. I went through 2 homes, before I met my last parents. I was not shy at all (or I could not remember it.) (I also was in therapy for some time during my youth, but I think it was for other issues, and not shyness) I used to play with boys and girls, and thought nothing of it. It was only in high school where my problems began. I had the nerve (after some friendly prodding) to ask a girl to the prom, and she accepted. (wow) I was really happy, and had no problems. but when the day came, I had the limo, the tux, the corsage but I got scared and stood the girl up. I could never look at her since. (Haven't seen her in over 20 years, and wouldn't know what to say to her if I saw her...) Since then, I never had a girlfriend at all. I dropped out of college (at the end of my first year) because my foster parents died, and I was left to fend for myself. In other words, I never had a support system. When you become 18 years old, the system turns you out and you have to be on your own. I found jobs, and work and places to live, but I never had the companionship that a woman brings.

I really don't know how to read people, and to see if a female would show interest in me. I know that think I give off bad vibes. I try to look people in the eye and speak to them, but the little voice in the back of my mind is telling me that you aren't worth anything and the girl won't like you. Due to my suspicious nature (I don't like to open myself up to people), I don't have any friends to talk to and share my pain with. I think I have the confidence in meeting people, but being in an intimate setting with a woman, all kinds of negative thoughts come into my head, and I blow the small chance I may have in finding the girl for me. I really gave up hope. I don't even think about sex at all. (haven't had any in a number of years) I just want to be able to meet, court, have dinners, go out socially, long walks, travelling, etc. That is what I would love to do, but for the last 25 or so years, it hasn't happened.

Being lonely is a bitch. It is painful indeed. And not having any family (I've been trying to search for my biological family to no avail) makes it tougher. You are always trying to do things yourself, and not having anyone to talk to, share your grief and pain with makes things really bad. That's why I came here. Seems like a pitiful cry for help, doesn't it.....? I'm not a bad looking guy. I keep myself in shape, and try to stay active. The only problem I have is my hair is graying prematurely. I believe that is due to constant worry and stress about my situation. My co-workers and people that know me have wondered why I don't I have a girlfriend. When my co-workers talk about their girlfriends or their latest adventures, I'm usually silent. It's hard traveling places and dining single. I'm not around a whole lot of women, (in a group setting) but when I am, I feel like I'm out of place, and none of the women seem to like me....or all the other guys in the group takes them, and I get left with nothing or driving the car (home alone.....)

So I'm here. I'm hoping this forum could somehow help in any way. I don't know what to do or where to get started. One day, I would love to walk up to an attractive woman, start a conversation, and ask her out. But that seems more like a fantasy than reality. I really want to know what love is. Never having experienced it is making me grow older than what I am. Too much worry and stress is making me crazy. The best years of my life is passing me by, and ir feels like I'm destined to always be alone.

Just letting the forum know where I'm coming from.
Thanks.....

Pitrus · Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 6:38 am Post subject:

sad story, i wish i could help u. Maybe u should try the Eharmony site they may match u up with someone that would fit u. I dont know if its a stupid idea then ignore it but hey why not give it a try.

Starry · Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:05 am Post subject:

Hello Loner45, I was saddened by your story, I'm sory you've never had any kind of support system in your life. Sad

I hope this place can be of some help to you. Welcome to SPW. Smile

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joshueg · Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 10:50 am Post subject:

I have read your story and find it hard too.
But have you ever been to a psychologist?.
I ask you that, because, he/She could probably help you get more self-esteem. In the world, here or there, there must be someone for you.
We tend to let other people see that we are not worth it, but it is not true, we are so worthy as any other else.
I think you have made an important progress, logging in here, that way, you can talk with people who understand the way you are feeling but if i were you, apart from writing on this forum, i would try to go and see a psychologist.
He/She may help!
So long!

loner45 · Posted: Wed Mar 28, 2007 12:56 pm Post subject:

Thanks for the welcome to the forum.

I've tried a couple dating sites, and have ran across a few potential matches, but when the time comes to meet, I just can't seem to go through with it. I can chat with someone, but it just the actual face to face meeting is when I get scared.

As far as therapy goes, I was in therapy when I was a child. Like I said before, it was probably for other issues, like preparing me for independent living, etc. When you don't have a family, I guess the State (since I was a orphaned foster child) was trying to get me ready to be out on my own.
But I haven't talked to a therapist or anyone like that since. Right now, just living and getting through other things is a priority right now. In other words, I can't afford to pay for a therapist right now. So I never really knew where to reach out to anyone. I've probably should have reached out sooner, but it's hard trying to, because if I've told anyone about my situation, they would just think that I'm crazy.

Sometimes, I get really depressed at my situation, and there are times that I feel like ending it all. I really don't know what keeps me going, but I'm still hoping................

loner45 · Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 2:33 am Post subject:

Well, that hope I spoke of......its gone.
I've lost everything, and I feel like ending it all. It's just a matter of time now. What do I have to live for? To feel more pain, sorrow, and hurt?\
What is this great thing everyone speaks of called "hope"?
I don't see it at all.

Just let me end it all............

prince1 · Intermediate User Joined: Feb 14, 2007 Posts: 177

joshueg · Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 12:19 pm Post subject:

Hi, Prince!, i like what you have written.
That gives me hope too.
Thanks! Wink

jayo · Posted: Thu Apr 12, 2007 4:58 pm Post subject: Hi

Everyone on this site feels lonely more often than they should.

I'm 35 later this year and feel a lot of the things you feel.

But I think the best approach is twin track.

First off, accept yourself and where you are now.

Secondly, set goals for this month, year and years to come.

Build towards them rewarding yourself as you go.

PS Always remember that life is no bed of roses for those without SA either!

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