Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 6:54 pm Post subject: I need help!!!
Hello:
My name is Rachael and I have social phobia. I always knew something was different about me, but I just learn a name for it about two years ago. My dr. put a name to it, but I never went to the shedule appt. she set up for me with a psychologist. Well, I finally came to the realization that I am in serious need of help and as of today I set up an appt. to get some help. I live my life is fear. I will not go to the store or any other social events if I can help it. I just got to the point where I can drive without having an anxiety attack. I sweat profusely with I get nervous, I blush and I get heat flashes and so much more.
My spouse whom is in the military is about to deploy. I notice when he is not around to rescue me from all my SA problems I tend to get very depress. I wonder if I can make it without him or if I am capable of harming myself. One time when he deployed, I really felt like I was going insane b/c he is the only person I had to talk too. My spouse is the complete opposite from me. He is very lively and is very outgoing. He can talk to anyone I can't. I fear what people are going to think of me. I fear that I will not be accepted. Anyways my spouse is about to deploy next month and I am feeling very afraid again. Therefore, I have came to realization that I need professional help to beat this. I always make goals to get out and socialize, but I seem to never meet any of these goals. I need someone to talk to everyday. Another reason I want help is because once my spouse get back from his deployment we will be getting stationed in the UK (England). This will be very scary for me especially when it is time for my spouse to deploy over there. I have to get to a point where I am not scared to socialize with other. I am always tying to figure out why I am this way and the only thing I can ever come up with is my growing with in a very abusive and violence household. I was very sheltered and afraid to talk to other people b/c of figuring it would really upset my father. I watched my mother get physically and mentally abused by my father all throughout my childhood. I can into the military to escape all that. I watched my father mentally and physically abuse my oldest brother until one day he picked up my father 12 gaged shot gun and shot himself. Thankfully he is still with us. I had to go to school with SA and listen to people make jokes about the situation. I know that they did not know any better we were children. Except I was different in so many ways. I force to grow up faster than I need too. My father always told me that I was not going to mount to anything. Well, I have. Anyways, some days I feel ruin. I am so thankful to have my husband. I love him dearly and he is truly a blessing. I feel like he is an angel sent from heaven. He has been through a lot with me. Some days I wonder why he has stuck by me after all I put him through when were dating and first got married. I was so mentally disturbed and jealous. I am sorry if I am venting, but I think this forum will really help me. I look forward to seeking and giving advice.
Hi Rachael, I'm really sorry to hear that you went through that, and you've survived so well without help. I hope you make progress with the psychologist and things get better for you. I'm sure theres lots of things they can do for you, like a befriender to get you out and meeting people, and maybe medications while you're in therapy. I don't think I can help with your situation but whenever things do go wrong you should always find support here, and people to talk to.
In the UK we have them, not sure where you are. I think if you talk to your psych about it they could arrange one, but it'll probably be a third party thing run by the socialwork. They could probably get you a community nurse if not a befriender, and I'm sure there's groups they arrange that you can go to, with people with similar issues. But if people to talk to and getting out is an what you need then they should defenetly be able to help.
p.s. welcome to the forum. (forgot to say in my last post)
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I hope you make progress with the psychologist and things get better for you. I'm sure theres lots of things they can do for you, like a befriender to get you out and meeting people, and maybe medications while you're in therapy. I don't think I can help with your situation but whenever things do go wrong you should always find support here, and people to talk to. 