Hi I'm new....

lally · Newbie User Joined: Apr 12, 2007 Posts: 36

Hey, my names Aly. I'm home schooled and I'm 15 years old. I know I have SP because I've experienced many of the symptoms and I believe my SP has caused my depression which I've had since I was 12.

I have no friends. I had friends when I was in school but I only had one best friend and lost touch with all the others when I dropped out at 10 and became home schooled. At the beginning of 5th grade I began getting really bad stomach aches from being so scared of attending school. I'm really starting to believe that's when my SP started then. I had always been pretty shy I guess. But it seems like every year that passes I become even more shy and anxious. I hadn't seen my best friend in 3 years and we've completely lost touch so I can official say that I have no friends now. The only person I hang out with is my brother who also has SP. Everyday (it seems to be everyday) since I dropped out of school I regretted it. I always ask myself if it was the right decision, what I would have been like if I stayed in school. These questions are always running through my head. You might say, "Well, go back to school then." Well, the problem is I can't. I can't because I'm behind in math and I don't want to have to be put back a grade or two. I'm also terrified of going to high school. All the really attractive guys who I get so scared to even make eye contact with and all the intimidating girls who just stare at me. I forgot to mention I went back to school in 9th grade for only a week or something like that and noticed how much I hated it and how scared I was. I got out quickly, I couldn't handle it. Now that's my second time dropping out, and I'm regretting it! It just eats and eats at my brain every damn day.

I've never had a boyfriend, been on a date, kissed a guy, or anything. And believe me, I want one so bad. Having a boyfriend or just a friend seems like more of a fantasy then reality. It seems like I can’t make friends anymore – it’s like the only time you can make friends is when you’re really young. But where am I to go to find one – the grocery sotre? Just being around anyone my age scares me. It feels like I'm lower then them and they're lives are great and mine is depressing and boring.

I've tried keeping a journal, doesn't seem to work. I've tried talking about my issues - it helps for that day or 2 and then I start feeling depressed about it. I've tried overcoming my anxiety by attended classes but it isn't helping me overcome my fear of applying to my first job. (I'm so pathetic I know.) I have no self confidence, and I envy other people too much because I think their lives are better then mine. I'm such a negative person my mind just doesn't think positively, ever.

I guess that’s all I really wish to say at the time. I’m not sure what I’m looking for from this site…maybe help or advice? I don’t know. I just want to talk to someone; I have nobody.

Starry · Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 9:49 am Post subject:

Hello Lally, welcome to SPW.

I know how you feel, I have no real life friends at all, haven't had any since I was 14 (and I didn't class those as close friends, if I talk about people I was totally comfortable with, I haven't had real friends since I was 11 - I'm now 21) But, I do have two very, very good online friends. Strange as it seems I feel closer to them than I ever have with anyone offline.

But don't worry about not being able to make friends, you're still young, there is plently of time for you to make friends, scary as it is.

I'm also a very negative person, so I know that I'd just shrug and thing "Whatever" to my last comment, but it is true lol.

But here's a good place to start to make online friends, so welcome. Very Happy

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Marvolo · Posted: Fri Apr 13, 2007 6:35 pm Post subject: Re: Hi I'm new....

lally · Newbie User Joined: Apr 12, 2007 Posts: 36

Thanks for the welcome guys, I appreciate it a lot. And I understand how it feels to be closer to online friends then RL friends, Starry. I've had an online friend myself, but unfortunately just last week we lost touch and I'm devastated because he was the sweetest guy I've ever met. I wish I could of met him in RL...oh well.

And I hope you're right about there still being time to make friends =)

Oh, I live in Maine, USA, Marvolo. And I'm glad there are people like me that feel like this. I honestly feel like I'm the only one who has it where I live, it's embarrassing. But I'm sure people have it everywhere...they're just too shy or scared to come out of their houses like me Embarassed

And I hope I find some help here, the community seems great. Very Happy

TAMPA-BAY · Posted: Sat Apr 14, 2007 8:42 am Post subject:

hi lally. Whats it like up there in that part of the world. Dont worry you'll make thousands of friends here.

Most of the people you meet will be half way around the planet but you will also find that you will run into people in your city that are on these sites.

I was shocked a few weeks ago to find a user on a site that llives close by to me yet in real life we never saw each other.