Any help would be appreciated

Aislinn · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 3:56 am Post subject: Any help would be appreciated

I find it absolutely impossible to function in conversations with any stranger. I have no friends and the only person I really talk to is my sister. If I am ever approached (rare, but it happens) I can't seem to maintain the conversation and I have an intense fear of eye contact, so most people mistake this for unfriendly behavior. If you ask anyone who know me even remotely the would describe me as "cold" but I really do want to become more socially active. Help please?

cody2468 · Posted: Mon Jan 17, 2005 12:09 pm Post subject:

If you are having problems with eye contact one of the best things to do is look at the person but look at their nose or their hair so that you aren't actually looking straight into the eyes. The more you practice this the easier it gets and eventually you wont have a problem. I never used to be able to do this but I find it very easy now.

Most people with SA have problems with social skills and have trouble talking to people. I still do, I have trouble with social skills and never know what to say past hello. I have learnt in my job that it's really easy to make small talk. I am learning off the customers what to do. Talk about anything interesting, ask them how there day is, weather, anything interesting going on in the news. There is alot to talk about. You may need to try CBT to help you with this but that is usually the first step used in getting a conversation going.

ricoche · Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 6:15 am Post subject:

Hey! I have the same problem as you. In fact, my situation is almost identical. sorry, I can't help you cuz I need help too but it's nice to meet someone else like us.

By the way, are you born in 1989? (that's what your profile says) If so, we're about the same age!

Guest · Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 10:08 am Post subject:

lack of conversation and eye contact are 2 of the worst things about sa.i have exactly the same problem and im 32.when you don't look someone in the eye and then cant keep good conversation you firstly look sheepish or aloof and then you come accross as uninterested.when really inside you are scared and shy,but you really are a nice friendly person inside.it's really hard,i've been trying to start to keep eye contact,sometimes it's good because the other person has a friendly face,but with other people it's nearly impossible.try it out first either with someone close or with the checkout guy or gal,you'll be surprised how good it feels when you get to see them smile as you look at their eyes when they pass your change. conversation is also a huge barrier for us.I tend to be quiet most of the time,i have more conversation with my work mates than with any of my family.i think we put ourselfs under great pressure to start and hold conversations.i guess i have developed avoidant personality disorder as a side effect of sa.i think that when we come across firstly as distant and aloof and then have difficulty holding or even starting conversation,then people act negatively towards us without really meaning any harm.i think cbt is a very effective treatment,i have just started dr richards course and it's been good so far.but the key thing to cbt is to practise everyday without fail.this can be hard and sometimes i feel like giving up,then i think of my life now and i soon get motivated to improve things.you are both young ladies and it's quite normal to be shy at your age.try not to beat yourself up too much over it and accept yourself as you are now.it's a long road,but think of all the good things that are at the end,good luck and check out cbt.cbt will help in a practical way,it doesn't go over past events,but focuses on the present and the near future.the therapist will get you to do some exercises at home and help you to identify your goals and things that you can do to improve your life. Smile

Chilling_Echo · Posted: Tue Feb 08, 2005 4:29 pm Post subject:

from what it sounds like, people think that you're cold because maybe you're not giving a whole lot of feedback, or what you really think. that's my problem, i never know what to say. if that's your case, just try opening up a little, people can't read you THAT well and imagine that you aren't anxious, make them believe you aren't and you'll be fine.

it's all in your head! is what i try to remember. good luck, you can do it