Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 3:51 pm Post subject: I'm Taking Control
Hey. I'm new here.
I won't spend too much time going over how I suffer Agoraphobia, since we all know how awful and debilitating it can get. Just that I'm 25, living housebound off of my mom, and am regularly frantic over how my life is gone to waste.
But today I'm going to start salvaging what potential I have left, and do everything in my power to make a new life for myself where I can wake up and feel valuable, loved, and in control. I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to manage it, but I'll be reading, thinking, and most importantly acting whenever I'm unsure of my next step. If it's okay with you guys, I'll come back and share my experiences / ideas / encouragement. Not to make use this place for my own mental masturbation, just... I'm gonna commit to this, and if it works, I'd like to try to help out, jookno?
Here's a crude plan:
--Stay OFF the internet today after I finish this post. [it's a big enabler for me]
--Take my dog for a walk.
--Shave my out-of-control beard, and work on ways to get myself a positive self-image.
--Read at least one self-help article / book / etc. Keep the ideas going.
--Keep finding ways of improving.
Also, I'm up for any input anyone else has to offer. :]
He's not gonna be offline forever, so just leave a suggestion for this guy I can't wait to see if this dude can turn his life into a success for himself *PM me I'm taking bets now* lol JK!! While we're on the subject I'd like to offer a suggestion of my own. You don't have to stay completely offline, just limit yourself to 1 hour per day or something. Also, do you exercise? This is something else that could make you feel much better about yourself. If you already exercise, then good for you.
All of us that have suffered from SP over a period have been thinking about doing this. This thread can be something great for all of us. The first step in healing is learning to feel good about yourself. If you can't love yourself then nobody else can love you either. It's a sad predicament that we're all in but this is our chance to do what xBONESstyle is trying to do and make something of our lives once and for all. Not for anybody else, but for ourselves. Start posting ways that you know that you could make your life better. For instance, being able to keep a job (especially a job that you enjoy), exercising and eating right, having a few hobbies to fill the gaps in your days, people to share time with that you enjoy being with (if you don't have anybody then my advice is to volunteer someplace where you can share your time with good people).
Today was fairly successful. I took my dog for that walk as soon as I finished my post here, it was just around the block, but I didn't let any indecision come into my mind about it. I could feel the doubt, but I didn't let myself think it.
The hardest thing was staying off the internet, though. I did dishes, worked in my backyard, cooked, spent time with my mom [something I've been neglecting for a long time], emptied out my room to remodel it. Anything instead of giving in and going on the computer, because I know if I do that, I'll let the whole day pass me by. It might sound like I only did one thing to face my agoraphobia today, but more importantly I cut out my enabler and I spent a day without being placated by a bright screen.
Tomorrow I'm going out twice: Once to walk my dog somewhere else, further than just a block, and once to pick up stuff to work on my guitar with.
I started doing this thing to help me stop making excuses to get on the internet, because I REALLY wanted to finish whatever I was doing at any moment and get back on: Whenever I think of something I want to check, I write it down to check out later. It doesn't take the urge away or anything, but it does help me reason that I won't forget if I put it off for later. It might also work on a couple of other situations. I dunno. I'll have to see in the long run.
@ Silvio
Hah. Fair enough.
@ SilentType
I don't excersize yet, but that is a good idea. I'm gonna be working on my appearance, if only to look in the mirror and be able to see someone who's changing for the better. I haven't really thought about it, though. I guess I'll look up excersize techniques soon.
Getting / holding down a job is one of my near-future goals, and probably the single most scary one there is for me. It'll probably be tough to convince someone to give a 25 year old with no degree in anything, and no job experience a shot, let alone one who's anxious around people. On the bright side, I'll learn how to make a hard sell.
Haven't you thought about what BONES started this post about. He said that his computer was a huge enabler for his social phobia. This is a very good thing for us SPers to realize. If we allow ourselves to surf the internet all day not accomplishing anything, then we are letting our social phobia bring us down. We have to do things to combat our urge of spending the day on the internet and instead fight our SP and do things that will actually help us to get past this debilitating problem. I've been trying to get around it for years but I always end up back in front of a glowing screen (laptop, tv, video games, etc...).
BONES,
Sounds like you're on the right path man keep up the good work. If you keep your sights set on winning this battle then there is no reason that you shouldn't make your goal a reality.
Joined: Feb 14, 2007 Posts: 213 Location: Eating out Poontang..!
Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 5:48 pm Post subject:
O.K, lets go to your way of thinking.. I'll get up at 6am, go to a Job which i despise, grovel to some cunt who's my Boss & i can't stand.. Dedicate 10 hours a day of my life to these pricks & continue to do this for the rest of my working life & then die...... or i can get up at around 1pm, smoke a joint, turn on my PC, chill out & do whatever the fuck i wanna do until whenever..
So what if i don't go out & mix with the real world..... People are just hassle anyway..
Haha wow Silvio you don't know me at all. My life is actually quite similar to the one that you describe. I don't have a job either, man, and I never meant to cause you to get upset. I guess I was just defending the guy that started the thread.
Joined: Feb 14, 2007 Posts: 213 Location: Eating out Poontang..!
Posted: Wed Aug 08, 2007 7:40 pm Post subject:
Hey ST, i'm not upset.. You can call my mother a Crack-whore for all i care, i never get upset... it's just fingertips & keyboards Dude.
I'm also not disagreeing with the guy that started this thread, i just think that it's not the end of the world to be On-Line for a few hours a day..
I was in Oxford street today & i was just watching all these people buying crap from Ralph Lauren & Selfridges all on their credit card just so they can look cool & groovy..
These idiots have a bigger problem than anyone on this board.. They get in debt & stroll around with a fashionable paper-bag to make an impression that they are trendy, wealthy & successful, when in reality they are dreaming & totally untrue to themselves..
Unlike me.. i don't care what anyone thinks of me, hate me or love me it doesn't matter because i know where i'm at..
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