I'm not sure about OCD...

Angel4 · Newbie User Joined: Feb 10, 2008 Posts: 3

Hi,

I'm new to the forum, just joined today. Anyways; I'm a HighSchool senior (18 years old); and I've always had obsessive thoughts as well as some rituals I knew I had to perform, but it wasnt untill I read the book "Kissing Doorknobs" and did research on the internet that I found out I might have OCD, (or atleast pure-o OCD). I was told to make an appointment with a counselor; but I've been putting it off, mostly because I'm scared that I have absolutely nothing and I'm just making it up. So I thought I'd ask people on here what their opinions are.

It started when I was 8 years old, after I had contracted strep-throat as well as a stomach bug I became obsessed with the thought of being sick. I wouldnt eat anything if I hadn't seen it being prepared and even then I'd make someone else taste it to make sure there wasn't any poison in it. I couldn't eat certain foods; I was actually afraid of carrots. This led to me losing weight since I had a hard time eating. Eventually at the age of about nine; the obsession went away.

Then new ones started; at 10 years old I had to skip every other tile on the floors at the elementary school when walking; I felt something bad would happen if I didn't. Eventually the school noticed and had meetings about it, but no action was taken.

After a few months this went away to; I was fine untill middle school (approximately 7th grade) when I was thirteen. I had never been an extremely religious person; but one day when I had a sexual thought I started to panick and began praying, I'd pray for a long time in fear that God would punish me for my thoughts; when my grandfather died I began to obsess over my thoughts of it being my fault because of my "sinfull" thoughts.

Then I developed the habit of kissing all of the presents my boyfriend (this was in 9th grade) had gotten me; I felt if I didn't do this before bed, God would punish me by causing our breakup. After we broke up I became even more obsessed with the thought that I had probably forgotten to kiss one of the gifts before bed.

I knew all of these thoughts were un-realistic; I figured I was going crazy. Now senior year, with all the stress has brought about new quirks and obsessions. I count stairs when I go up them, and say my ABC's when I go down them. I have obsessive thoughts about my boyfriend leaving me, sometimes my brain says "you don't love him" even though I know I do love him. I have to close my eyes when driving over railroad tracks, I have a very long bathroom ritual. My boyfriend tries to deal with my quirks the best he can, but hes only human; and sometimes he loses his patience.

Also, I had gone with my friends to a party; and I had scratched myself against a loose nail. Just then the thought popped into my head that "I have Ebola now" (why ebola? I dont know..). I became obsessed with the thought and wouldnt kiss or touch anyone for fear of giving it to them.

I can't control these stupid thoughts; and sometimes I get really depressed over it; sometimes I think I'm going crazy.

Anyways;

The reasons I doubt having OCD is because my quirks and obsessions change alot (like I'll have a quirk for a few months or a year or two and then one day its just gone and another one has taken its place); and there are atleast one or two days a month that I go without having any symptoms. Also; my rituals usually don't take over more than an hour a day, only my obsessions do.

I want to make an appointment, but I'm scared I have no reason to make an appointment and I'll just be wasting the therapists time. Does any of this actually sound like OCD? I need re-assurance.

bubblegumbg · Newbie User Joined: Feb 05, 2008 Posts: 24

It sounds as though you very well could have OCD. Though I'm not a doctor or therapist, so I'd make an appointment just to be sure. No one wants to have OCD, but if your obsessions change alot, it sounds as though it may be easier for you to over come than for others whose quirks have long become habits.
I didn't even suspect having it when I went to the doctor as a result of my habits. My regular physician was the one who diagnosed me. So if you're really concerned with seeing a therapist or counselor, maybe you'd be more comfortable with a trip to your doctor.
Best of luck!