Avoidant behavior from interested person?

CyclingSoPhob · Newbie User Joined: Mar 24, 2008 Posts: 8

After 37 years of living without any female friends there is now at least the possibility there could be one. My sister kept telling me she's going to try to set me up with a shy lady she works with. Well a couple of weeks ago she actually brought this lady to my house under other circumstances, so as not to put myself or her coworker under any pressure. My sister basically pretended she wanted to stop by and get my input on some things while her coworker was conveniently with her. Her coworker was actually in on it the whole time as was I but noone got too nervous during that time.

The main problem I'm having now is that I'm not sure if she's truly interested in me or not. My sister and another coworker of hers maintains that the lady is interested but just very nervous about the whole dating concept. According to my sister this lady has never dated before and I haven't had a real date either. I called her once a few days after I initially met her and felt very nervous and was positive I left a bad impression. I called her a couple of times after that and her mother said she was busy. This lady also initially didn't respond to the emails I sent to her but she has started to reply to the ones I've sent recently. To me it seems she's replying to the emails so I wouldn't bother her on the phone. Last weekend I also emailed her to see if she wanted to go hiking at a state forest and she replied she didn't feel she knew me well enough to go hiking. That was definitely a bummer as most any of the other conventional types of dates would probably be too nerve racking for me to be myself. She did reply in the email that she might be up for meeting at a restaurant for something to eat. That seemed like she may just be feeling guilty for turning me down for hiking so she said something to keep me from feeling bad. I really hate bothering people so if she's not interested I certainly wouldn't want to waste anyone's time trying to pursue something that'll never work. I am heavily into bicycling and that requires a lot of time and money commitments. But it would be nice to have someone for at least an activity partner. I did find her attractive but I'm just not receiving any signals that says she is interested, even though other people says her shyness is holding her back. It would be so much easier if I could meet someone that could at least give hints whether she's interested or not. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

iDShaDoW · Newbie User Joined: Oct 22, 2007 Posts: 90

She turned off the offer to go hiking but wants to go eat. Go eat!!!

Get to know her a bit better, talk to her face to face.

Later on you can see if she'd be up to go hiking with you.

Danfalc · Posted: Fri Mar 28, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject:

Some people think meeting someone with the same problems as yourself is ideal as you will have stuff in common and will understand each others problems more than a "normal" none shy person would Smile

And its true but on the flip side it can make it that much harder.. because you struggle in the same areas.

Try and remember that if shes never dated before shes going to be really nervous... its likley shes intrested but just too scared to show it or doesnt know how to maybe?.Id say take her out to eat and see where it goes from there.And the only person who can really tell you if she is intrested or not is her... so if you need to know if shes intrested or not ask her..but take your time and try and not rush things.

Maybe leave the ball in her court a little more so she feels like she can do things at her pace? Good luck tho i hope it works out for you.

CyclingSoPhob · Newbie User Joined: Mar 24, 2008 Posts: 8

I'll probably have to take her to eat then but I'm the one that's nervous about that part. Laughing

She is actually responding to her emails in a more enthusiastic way now so it could be heading in the right direction. I plan to continue with the email conversations and see what direction that takes the situation. Even though she is still living with her parents she seems to be very independent. I suppose she's afraid to lose some of her independence. I'm in no hurry and it appears she isn't either if she is truly interested. And it evidently is true, two shy people may kind of understand each other but I don't see it as being any easier.

After seeing the frustration of the other members on this forum regarding dating and lack of a significant other I consider myself very lucky to at least have a chance. I've been completely down and out like other people but believe it or not it doesn't bother me like it used to. Maybe anxious people just eventually start to accept their situation.