Shame and Blushing

Deckart · Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:44 pm Post subject: Shame and Blushing

I think one of the greatest realizations I've had since I started dealing with my anxiety and Facial blushing was the shame that I'd hidden deep within my soul and for years ignored at the expense of so much of my life. Hopefully this short story will help some of you.

To put it simply I grew up in a VERY religious community where I was taught repeatedly (4 or 5 times a week for hours at a time) that even my own thoughts were "sinful", "evil" and "wrong". That the world outside wasn't my world and that I had to separate myself from it. This was compounded by the isolation I felt in high-school which led to frequent traumatic Humiliation and thus a pre-programmed need to escape from situations that I came to perceive as dangerous(i.e any social situations)

To add further difficulty we moved around alot because of my father's job(prison officer) and as a result I never formed any lasting relationships or felt at home anywhere. I have a very small family who aren't very supportive of each other and so there was no one I could lean on.

The reason I say all this is hopefully to shed some light on the reason why some of us blush so much in certain situations. Shame occurs when we are exposed - either physically or emotionally - in a way that diminishes us in front of others in a situation where we are not prepared to experience it. Shame is very painful and thus very powerful emotion and so is commonly used by parents and others in authority to control behaviour.

If you don't believe that shame can have such an awful effect then try to think of the japanese - an entire culture wrapped up in the desperate need to avoid shame to the point where, many would rather commit suicide than face it.

This kind of shame equals rejection for many of us and in particular men who see a woman's rejection as an invalidation of him as a man. On top of that shame can become tied to our need for affection and thus the social paralysis that results becomes all the more crippling.