new person to the site

loner4life · Newbie User Joined: May 31, 2008 Posts: 1

Hows it going out there today or night. anyways I am turning 28 in june and realized I have never had a girlfriend or really any type of date. So offically I have given up the whole dating scene and girls. I figure if it hasnt happened yet its not gonna happen. I think I will stick with the hookers and prostitues, ha ha I wonder if there are other people who have given up like me.

bellatrix84 · Newbie User Joined: May 18, 2008 Posts: 4 Location: USA

Join the club. I'm 23 and i have never had a real relationship in my life or a real bf....and yes, I've basically given up on ever finding anyone. I guess people just don't want to be with me. It has nothing to do with looks, I know that for sure. I've suffered from depression and low self esteem and until i 'fix' those two things, I'm going to be single...alone. If I can't like myself and be happy with myself, how is anyone going to make me happy or vice versa? Sad

Screwdriver1020 · Posted: Sat May 31, 2008 8:18 am Post subject: Re: new person to the site

Coper · Newbie User Joined: May 30, 2008 Posts: 45

Hi loner4life. I'm already 28, and have never had a girlfriend or even come within a country mile of having one. I haven't given up hope yet, but I feel like I need to be more proactive about it than I used to. From the moment I started having crushes as a preteen, I thought, 'it'll happen someday, maybe I'll just accidentally meet a nice girl and we'll just click, or maybe when I'm more grown up dating won't seem so intimidating.' Then, when I finished college and got into grad school (last year), I realized that, realistically, given how insanely busy I am with school, there's almost no chance I'll lose my virginity before I turn 30. That number '30' really scares me. I still don't think I'm ready to start dating though.

In the past I would always put off working on it, telling myself I was too pathetic to attract women because, say, I was 22 and still didn't know how to drive, or I was 26 and still living with my dad. Now I tell myself I need to have casual friends before I can start dating. I don't know if this strategy of putting other things first really makes sense, or whether I should have just started asking out girls I liked, regardless of all my other problems.

Did you really try to meet girls before giving up, or were you just waiting for a miracle like me?

desert_daemon · Newbie User Joined: Jun 01, 2008 Posts: 2

New here as well and figured I'd put my intro here instead of the 36+ page intro sticky. Smile

Wow, where do I start? I've been someone "removed" from people since most of my earliest memories. A big part of it is that I've always been overweight, first from the steroids and my asthma and then even into adulthood--I've never been thin. As a result I was always teased about it. When I got into fights, I could never back it up so I tended to stay to myself. That combined with never having anyone to talk to or socialize with at family gatherings just made me more and more withdrawn.

As school went on, books became my best friends, especially encyclopedias. I developed my fascination with death at this time, especially capital punishment and suicide--the mechanisms of death fascinate me to this day, not to mention the thoughts going through the mind of someone about to go through it.

It was also after puberty that I would say real, major depression hit that I couldn't seem to recover from. This came to a head in my 20's when I
made my first suicide attempt. That was also the one that came closest, the rest becoming more and more jokes. I'm convinced this has majorly
contributed to my becoming so cynical as I've gotten older, with people
telling me I shouldn't be this way until I'm in my 60's--and I'm 37 now.

While I lost my virginity to a hooker in my mid 20's, I've never had a real
girlfriend until I met my ex-wife a few years ago. How was I supposed to
know she was spun and drunk out of her mind? Desperation on my part
and being on the rebound combined with the drugs and alcohol on hers
meant her moving in with me a week after we met and, despite lots of
fights and abuse, my marrying her 3 years later; we were happy for only
20 days after that before she reverted into being an even bigger bitch
than before! She finally left me almost a year later saying I didn't do
anything around the house, though I was just so sick and tired I didn't
want to do anything (I had lost my trucking job previous and was back
to delivering auto parts for a lot less money). Thanks to her I lost my
car and nearly everything I owned and I still haven't fully recovered,
especially psychologically. I should point out there's a lot missing
from this story because of space, such as the "adopted mom".

The last couple of months I've been talking to another girl from Houston.
The problem is that, while she doesn't appear to have the bitchiness and
outright evil of my ex, she still has the bipolar, multiple-personalities,
and general instability of my ex--her voice is even similar, all fubar from
years of previous drug and alcohol abuse. I sort of broke up with her
last week, but it turned into a fight, her room mate calling me an asshole,
her bawling like a baby, etc. I'm reconsidering now, but the more logical
part of me still thinks I made the right decision, but there's no way for me
to know since I'm not experienced. This unlike some people I know, who
tell me I should forget about women. Did I mention I'm 37?

I mostly know what I want in a woman, but I don't think she exists. What I do know is I don't need or want a supermodel or other high-maintenance
woman. All the dating web sites I've gone to (including craigslist) just
show all or nearly all of those women to be sluts and one step away from
outright hookers, and the guys to be the male equivalent. This sucks.

And then there's the subject of business and friends: how can you get
such relationships when you're afraid of parties (always feeling like the
fish out of water, especially when you embarrass yourself trying to dance) and other big events like that. I can handle more formal meetings, but
when it comes time to head to the bar for informal stuff I don't do so well.
It doesn't help, sometimes, that I don't drink. (I readily admit I'm a
teetotaler, and proud of it: between being an ex-cabbie and my ex-wife,
I've seen more than enough of what drugs and alcohol do that I want no
part of it; this is another negative for that girl I mentioned above since
she smokes both weed and tobacco, and I can't handle smoke anyway.)

I've kinda run out of rant here, being 2am and halfway through my 12+ hour shift. I know there's a lot I haven't said.