Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:50 pm Post subject: this is about it
I've been having more suicidal thoughts. I try so hard to fit into this world and I can't do it. I can't keep a job, I can't afford my rent, I can't afford food, my band is going nowhere, I can't keep a girl around for more than a week, and I don't know what else to do.
It doesn't matter how many friends I have in the real world if not a single one of them understands how I feel. I want to channel all of this fear into rage and perhaps even something more constructive--but now I just feel lonely and defeated. This world is frightening and complicated to me and I see it falling apart around me.
This really isn't the first time I've thought about filling my lungs with carbon monoxide, but it's fucked up when I think of it as a logical solution to my problem.
Nothing else works--drugs, alcohol, sex, food--they're just distractions from the big empty picture of life. There's no meaning other than to exist--I'm OK with that. I know things could get better, but I know that will never last.
Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: this is about it
Suicide is overrated. Channel your fears and rage into detachment. Nothing in the world can make you happy besides yourself. Unfortunately.
And if your life is a big empty picture, get to work. Grab some bright colors and paint yourself a new world. Change your purpose from merely existing to having a damn good time and enjoying the ride. Besides, what if the afterlife sucks ass and there's no way back? Just sayin'.
_________________ Nowadays I keep to self
So tell your girlfriend to take her eyes off of my belt
Have you seen a doctor about these intense feelings you are experiencing? Perhaps you need some professional help to get you back on track.
Peace xxx
I've been on every kind of medication there is. Right now I'm taking Lithium, Xanax, and Lexapro. None of it does anything. I've seen 3 different therapists and am now seeing a hypnotherapist with not really any success.
I am sorry to hear you have tried all these things to no avail. Have you tried psycotherapy? Is there anything in your life, other than your mood, that you are unhappy with?
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 2:19 am Post subject: Re: this is about it
IceNerveshatter wrote:
I've been having more suicidal thoughts. I try so hard to fit into this world and I can't do it. I can't keep a job, I can't afford my rent, I can't afford food, my band is going nowhere, I can't keep a girl around for more than a week, and I don't know what else to do.
It doesn't matter how many friends I have in the real world if not a single one of them understands how I feel. I want to channel all of this fear into rage and perhaps even something more constructive--but now I just feel lonely and defeated. This world is frightening and complicated to me and I see it falling apart around me.
This really isn't the first time I've thought about filling my lungs with carbon monoxide, but it's fucked up when I think of it as a logical solution to my problem.
Nothing else works--drugs, alcohol, sex, food--they're just distractions from the big empty picture of life. There's no meaning other than to exist--I'm OK with that. I know things could get better, but I know that will never last.
Been there done that!!! believe me try to have clean living no more drugs,no more bad habits sex is ok but be sure that it is your partner not avoid using hookers,pry to god.I assure you your prospect in life will be clear you will make a desicion more productive.Try it its for you.
Joined: Jun 04, 2008 Posts: 250 Location: The heart of the sun
Posted: Fri Jun 13, 2008 3:03 am Post subject: Re: this is about it
IceNerveshatter wrote:
I've been having more suicidal thoughts. I try so hard to fit into this world and I can't do it. I can't keep a job, I can't afford my rent, I can't afford food, my band is going nowhere, I can't keep a girl around for more than a week, and I don't know what else to do.
It doesn't matter how many friends I have in the real world if not a single one of them understands how I feel. I want to channel all of this fear into rage and perhaps even something more constructive--but now I just feel lonely and defeated. This world is frightening and complicated to me and I see it falling apart around me.
This really isn't the first time I've thought about filling my lungs with carbon monoxide, but it's fucked up when I think of it as a logical solution to my problem.
Nothing else works--drugs, alcohol, sex, food--they're just distractions from the big empty picture of life. There's no meaning other than to exist--I'm OK with that. I know things could get better, but I know that will never last.
Things can ALWAYS get better, life is full of chances and you have to take chances to have good things come to you. You can't miss out on this opportunity because you are feeling bad now, trust me, these feelings will pass. What makes you happy now? There has got to be something. Hold on to the simple, small things that make you happy everyday, and look on the bright side. Drugs and alcohol never make anything better, you have to see the world with a clear mind to make a rational decision. You aren't ready to leave the world now, just by leaving this message you are asking for help, and there are people here that don't even know you that care about you. In the time it has taken to have everything seemingly go bad, things could turn great. It's all up to you. Somebody loves you right now and would be so hurt if you left this world, the same way i'm sure you love somebody and would be hurt to see it happen to them. You are worth so much more than you realize, and I hope you talk to somebody, because it could really change things for you. Don't give up. We all care!
_________________ I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.
Thanks for the kind words. I'm not suicidal anymore, but these days I do have suicidal thoughts on occasion. I'm feeling a bit better now. It's just hard sometimes. I have agoraphobia, OCD, social anxiety, and anger problems. I suppose I was just reaching out looking for anyone who understands what I'm going through.
I had a successful job interview for Pizza Hut, so hopefully soon I'll be making some money so I can actually buy some food and stop borrowing money from my parents for gas and rent and shit.
The Ramones song is the first thing I thought of too when the other poster mentioned psychotherapy to you.
"Psychotherapy, psychotherapy, psychotherapy that's what they wanna give me."
Speaking of the Ramones, they found a way to channel their anger and their problems into a successful music career. If you don't already own much of their music do a search for them on You Tube and give em' a listen. Give yourself some shock treatment.
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