why are people like this with me!!!!!!!!!!!

Guest

i have sp and i do try to make a difference by meetin up with people and trying to socialise, even though i obviously go the wrong way about it cos i meet up one on one instead of bein with more than one person, so basically thats when the awkwardness kicks in and I seem to be the one in control, cos i start running out of things to say and they dont say a fucking thing, they just sit there quiet and cos im quiet too it makes the whole situation look like its all my fault and their not even talkin either! iv had this with several people so i know its not just a certain person, bu with anyone else i just know theyd find them intreaging and start gabbing away, but with me they always keep their gobs shut and it doesnt help me at all so i end up wavin goodbye and feeling like shit and that person never wants to see me again or pay paticular interest in....never askin me questions, im always the one doing it.ITS DRIVING ME INSANE is it just me? i feel like the most borin person the world WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS WITH ME?!

Guest · Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:00 pm Post subject:

no, it's the same with me

it sucks big time but the only way i can handle it is to accept that i'm not ever going to be mr. popular, but i hope i will meet a few people over the course of my life who i really click with

Crimefish · Posted: Fri Mar 04, 2005 8:11 pm Post subject:

Don't forget: Just 'cause it's a silence doesn't mean it has to be awkward. Every second doesn't have to be filled with talking. Some of the best conversations I've ever had were mostly silent.

gen1cummins · Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2005 1:14 pm Post subject:

Its the same way for me too, but keep tryin and you'll meet someone, I met my wife, I've never had any problem talking to her I can be myself and not get embarrassed. But It cuases problems in our relatoinship when we try to make new freinds, we have very few freinds, mostly because of me, even if i try and talk to a normally out going person they just keep quiet too, then of course it gets akward, and of course my wife doesent understand or even belive me that the other person won't talk either, cause she doesent understand what a person with SA/SP is going through. my only explaination for it is that humans like animals, insects, whatever, give off some sort of frequincy to one another, ya know what we call vibes. I think people with SA/SP either dont give off any, cause its somehow being blocked, or we give off something kind of bad or akward to other people, which makes them uneasy or even akward also. Not nessasarely a bad vibe like some creepy serial killer, but maybe just a mixed signal, that confuses the other persons signal reader, and makes them feel funny too.

Dedication · Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2005 2:40 pm Post subject:

Gen1cummins is right...all of us give off a certain frequency. I like to think of it this way:

Each of us are made up of little, tiny strings that vibrate. When they vibrate they give off a certian musical note or tone...kinda like a guitar or violin or harpsichord...you get the idea. Now when we get near another person our musical notes either resonate together and we harmonize...kinda like the nicest song you've ever heard...or we don't resonate at all...kinda like the worst song you've ever heard. There's in-between resonation, too...like you're not sure if you like the song or not...or you think the song's okay...or it takes a while for you to really like the song.

For people like us with SA/SP, however, we tend to distort our own musical tones...I think by whatever chemical is released in our bodies when we're anxious. This also blocks us from receiving the musical notes of others...or we're not allowing ourselves to open up to the musical notes of others...thus making any kind of meaningful connection impossible. This is all speculation, of course...maybe if there's a biophysicist out there he or she could offer a little more insight into this theory.

Guest · Posted: Sun Mar 06, 2005 4:33 pm Post subject:

I used to soo want to be mr popular, but im learning to like myself, and frankly i like myself better than other people, so why would i want anybody elses adoration?
Although i believe i will meet ppl i click with, but few and far between

Guest · Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject:

lol... this giving off frequencies / vibe thing is making me paranoid now... that people can sense my nervousness Shocked

LazerCarp · Posted: Mon Mar 07, 2005 6:44 pm Post subject:

there's a lot of people in the same position mate, see it as a struggle you will overcome in the future rather than thinking about how bad it is at the time. every time i fail socially i use the embarrassment to drive myself to get more focussed in curing it.

LazerCarp · Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 9:25 pm Post subject:

i used to think that too but the reality is elephant man style ugly people still do fine in society so long as they have the confidence to get on. what you've gotta do is strive for that confidence.

Yossarian · Posted: Tue Mar 08, 2005 10:20 pm Post subject:

I think it's great that you have taken that step to meet people. Nothing will change unless we face the fear. Sorry to hear it hasn't worked out well but I don't think anyone can say because we don't have enough information. Conversation is a skill that can be improved so I hope you keep on trying.

I guess if they all seem uncomfortable the key might to be to find ways to make them feel at home. Find something they are passionate or at least very interested in and let them do their thing maybe. Be complimentary. Don't talk over them or criticise etc. It's hard to say without being there.

Keep trying though. It's the only way to get better and you will in time.