Cant make friends, scared of people

KeepItPoetic · Newbie User Joined: Jul 06, 2008 Posts: 14

I havent made a new friend in 5 years, i get so nervous when im around people i dont know, its gettig worse cause now im nervous around people i've known for years, i can never walk up to a person and start talking cause i think they wouldnt care what i have to say because they dont know me and they already have their friends so they dont need to be nice or something

I've been in college for 5 years in 4 different schools and havent made one friend yet, i kept switching schools because i was miserable, thinkin it was goin to change but it hasnt. My first two years i lived in the dorm and i was consumed with loneliness and depression. I still feel that way now and its only getting worse. The thing is before i went to college i didnt think i had a problem rather than being a little shy and quiet, then as i graduated high school i realized i cant make friends on my own. Since my town only had 1 high school and middle school i didnt realize my childhood friends were a crutch for me until i left. My anxiety is soo bad i really dont know how to deal, and i've never told anybody...

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Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 775

I usually make acquaintances or people that i can hang around with at lunch but i never really make close friends that extends outside of that zone ora long time because i resist it ..

i remember at the library i used to initiate conversation and made a friend that way and it was very awkward at time but nice to have someone to talk to ..

if i was you i'd try the same method, give it a shot, and whats the worst that can happen? they'll be rude and tell you to go away, but it wont happen that way unless they are rude inconsiderate peeps ..

ive had people try it with me in situations, on the train to the city a dark skinned english girl sat down next to me and started talking about how she was working on the animation for the Lord of the Rings movies, this was a while ago but i knew she was being honest, we talked for the whole hour and then she left ..i remember thinking "how cool is that" that she would even bother coming over and picking me ..

similar thing happened this year at a music festival with a couple of very relaxed people just wanting some company so they picked me to hang around, and yeh i kept thinking "why would they choose me" when there are at least 10 thousand other people here on the day ..

so my advice is to not dwell too much on it, if people dont come to you try going to them ...

but hey your going to college, your making an effort, thats a win in itself

bryanhayn · Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 6:52 am Post subject:

I remember reading that a lot of people are thinking the same as you, like "why won't people come up and talk to me?" but once you build up the courage to make the first move everything just works out. if the stranger's nice then good, you just made a friend. if the stranger's an ass, oh well, move on and don't dwell on the situation. easier said than done though.

a book I highly recommend on meeting strangers and making friends is by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. buy it and make it your bible.

milo001 · Intermediate User Joined: Jun 18, 2008 Posts: 104

it seems like us who had SP has the similar point.that is we didn't dare to talk to someone we're not close and we just think that they'll think of us badly if we talk to them.i guess this is what we must change.i want to change it but i still scared talking to someone i'm not close with.i used to work at the hospital peoples there think i'm unfriendly and everything.but i'm not actually i'm don't dare to talk to them.even talking with the patients i'm still nervous and don't know what ot said sometimes but it's definitely better with the nurses and my head.

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