My story

Digitalordead · Newbie User Joined: Jul 29, 2008 Posts: 1

Until the age of 16 I never had any real friends.
In school I was picked on and bullied and developed an overall sense of self-worthlessness.
Suicide attempts, OC tendencies and severe depression ensued.

So at 16 I decided to put on an act.
I made friends, I made an image and I even became popular in school.
It was a complete sham.
I'm 21 now and am just starting to understand the scope of what I've done.
I have nothing in common with the people I've said I'd die for.
I can't look in the mirror without pretending what I see belongs to someone else.
Worst of all I've lost my morals.
So now I'm trying to put my mental self back to when I was 16 and am struggling to relive the past chapter of my life in a manner that allows both happiness and satisfaction.
I've dropped connections to certain people around me and it hurts to fully realize just how alone I really am.
Anyway, the part I'm stuck at is my age.
I can't say that the past years have been terrible.. in fact parts were a fantasy come true.
None of it was me, though.
I'm now an adult and need to act like one in society but I honestly feel like I've been asleep for the past 5 years while I took over for someone else.
Now I'm back to being myself, yet I'm still indecisive and facing all these mental fears that I'd learned to ignore.
Any advice for a guy trying to start his life over?

Helyna · Posted: Tue Jul 29, 2008 1:04 pm Post subject:

I think a lot of people do that, and you're just lucky enough to figure out your mistake. The best thing to do, probably, is look for people who genuinely share your interests, even if they aren't the tiniest bit cool or popular. Join some group or club that does something you like. Look for the people you really want to be with.

_________________
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skygazer · Newbie User Joined: Jul 04, 2008 Posts: 9

hi, i think you need not go back from where you have come. Whatever your mind decided for you was the right choice. Instead of disturbing your present self, you must accept it and learn to find genuine happiness and satisfaction in it.

Mentally you should play back your past experiences but with the perspective of the bullies in your school/college. This will help you give more space to snap out of the self depreciating thought pattern.Its not very difficult to do it takes little practice.Its very relieveing to realize that it was YOU who is the root of this problem. It makes you feel in full control of you and your life.

The objective here is to make your weak and victimized self furthur weak till it becomes dead. You have to uproot the negative thoughts and beliefs which hold you back.
You will never be like your friends and other people around you, but that doesnt mean you are doomed to live your life with regret and despair. Its like saying you cannot drive a FORD because it is not a HONDA.

Good luck and be mindful dont let your past bog you down.