need some advice

bulldog21083 · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 3:14 am Post subject: need some advice

I met a girl online. We have been talking online almost everyday for several hours over the last week. Everything has gone great online. After the second day we talked she asked me if I wanted to call her. I told her I would rather wait a little longer and she was fine with that. So we got done talking today and the last message she sent me she gave me her number and said I can call her if I want but I don't have too. She just wants me to have her number in case I wanted to call her.

So while I wouldn't really have a problem calling her if I was gonna ask her to do something, I've never really been comfortable talking to people over the phone for extended periods. Even when I talk to my own sisters and sometimes my parents who all live out of town on the phone I occasionally get nervous and have trouble creating conversation. So that's my concern with calling this girl.

I want to call her, but I'm just nervous there won't be a whole lot to talk about, especially since we've already been talking a lot online lately.

Anyone have any advice?

ditto · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:57 am Post subject:

Just say "Haha! Sorry, I'm usually awkard talking on the phone. Weird habit of mine." You can joke about your faults, but don't over do it.

You should probably talk on the phone while you're standing up, and sway or shift from one foot to another, ya know, because posture really does help relax your mood. For instance, if you walk with your chest out, straight back and head up like a confident person, it affects your mood. Fact. look out the window occasionally while you're on the phone, so you're not concerntrating on the silent intervals.

Don't sound bored or disinterested, but talk a little slower, maybe with "soooo ... what have you been up to?" or "yeah ... I know what you mean, when I was blah blah I wanted to be blah blah as well"

Don't think about it too much before you call. Put on your favourite comedy, like Family Guy, Scrubs or American Dad, and have a good laugh. Laughter releases endorphines, and relaxes you. Get a good dose of Stewie Griffin, then pick up the phone. Make jokes, listen to what she's saying, reply as if you actually care about her side of the conversation. Wander off into other topics, rather than just replying.

Good luck gov'ner!

koyaanisqatsi · Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 4:59 am Post subject: Calling her

I'm not going to advise you to call her or not to call her. But... You have some messages already, so you know a little about her and her interests. Those things can give you a starting point for a real conversation.

If you do call her: just (try to) relax; don't allow yourself to have any expectations or fantasies about what might happen...just _let_ the conversation flow and let things evolve naturally. Talk to her and, most importantly, listen to her...it's important that she knows that you are actually listening and _hearing_ her. If you have things, especially problems, in common, talk about them. But try to be positive and supportive if you feel she needs support. And be genuine.

I think you can do this. There is no major commitment involved here so just try to enjoy the conversation. The worst that can happen is that one of you or both of you doesn't have an interest in pursuing things further. Believe it or not, that is not the end of the world. OTOH, of you decide not to call her, don't beat yourself up over it.

_________________
"Success is the ability to go from one failure to
another with no loss of enthusiasm."
-Winston Churchill

krs2snow · Advanced User Joined: Jan 25, 2008 Posts: 322

Hi bulldog21083. I am going to advise you. Here goes: What do You want to do?

Option A). Call her.
Option B). Don't call her.

If you answered: Option A). Call her.
>> Go directly to your home phone. Have her number in hand. Pick up the receiver and dial her number. Let her answer the phone. Say "Hello". And let what will be.... be.

If you answerred: Option B). Don't call her
>> There is no dilemma. Do not call her.

It really is that simple.