Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 11:35 am Post subject: stares
I'm physically abnormal so I've been getting stared at all my life, its one of the main reasons for my agoraphobia. I'm already a shy person but being constantly thrust into the spotlight of every situation I'm in stresses me. The embarassment, shame, uncomfortable feelings all lead to panic attacks to the point where I cant look ppl in the eye sometimes. its weird but I cant even look at handsome or beautiful ppl on tv without erupting these feelings of self hate, these feelings manifest itself when I'm in public when I see someone that is 'beautiful' (which in my mind is anybody remotely normal looking) and I stare at them and create these awkward situations that also lead to an attack. Women get this amusing smirk when this happeds as if to say ' haha, this troll thinks hes fabio' and men probbly think im gay or something but in reality I dont care about any of that, i just see my repulsiveness in them, its a constant reminder. All this has led to an all out retreat from society, I dont like going ANYWHERE for fear that these disgusting situations happen again, at this point its as easy as making eye contact with somebody that would trigger an attack. i try to find some sort of love for myself but being in a room alone for days on end while thinking ur a beast doesnt do well for my self esteem. sorry for the long post but this is my awkward place in life, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm physically abnormal so I've been getting stared at all my life
What's wrong? You don't have to go into much detail, but I think it's hard for people to give you advice or sympathy if we have no idea what's going on, how much might be in your head, etc. I'm still sympathetic, but just a bit confused.
_________________ "Usually a person has more faith in their fear than faith in their future."
-Doug Firebaugh http://www.socialphobialife.com/ - a new forum, sign up and help start a new community!
i have scoliosis, was also born with a very large protruding bottom lip. my face is asymetrical pushed more on the left side.
Weird. I was going to tell you about me, but I didn't imagine that we'd actually be alike.
A rare kind of birthmark developed on my lower lip when I was a baby. Can't spell it, can hardly say it. (The rest of my face is symmetric, though. I think.) I blame my social anxiety on this and my preschool teachers. This is part of a past post of mine:
Quote:
I have a very unusual type of birthmark in my lower lip which makes it look swollen, and when I was two and three, my lip was so big that it must have stuck out at least a half an inch from where it should have been. The skin that should have been only inside my mouth was visible even when my mouth was closed, so there was a lot of red showing at the bottom of my mouth, and toddlers don't know how to interpret something looking so different from what they're used to.
When I was three, my mom put me in a private school that was supposed to be so good that you couldn't get in if you didn't start in preschool because everyone wanted to go there. The teachers refused to let my mother explain my birthmark to the class, insisting that the other kids wouldn't notice, but it was inescapable. One of my mother's friends, the mother of a boy in my class, asked her son why he wouldn't play with me and he said, "Because she sticks her tongue all the time." I remember having some friends, but I had a lot of trouble. I remember my mother watching me at recess and trying to show the teacher how I was just lying on a bench-swing alone. I had convinced myself that I liked being alone. She didn't want to take me out of the school because I would never get back in, but in the end, she had to.
So I had three operations and it's much less noticeable now. Still, even though I moved to a more understanding school after that, I was ten before I could comfortably answer questions about my lip. I'm okay about it now, and I'm pretty talkative, but I think I'm also anxious by nature, and that did damage my social confidence.
I wish I could just tell you to stop paying attention to people staring at you, but it just doesn't work that way. If you look unusual, people will look at you. That's a fact. I don't believe they think you're a "troll". If they do, they are jerks and they are the trolls (inside) no matter how nice they appear. If they are annoyed by you looking at them, maybe THEY are embarrassed. If they think you're stupid for it, they are, once again, jerks/trolls. (I'd use stronger words, but I don't swear even online.)
And I hate the beautiful people on TV. I detest the society that makes all TV and movie stars look like... well, movie stars. We need ugly people to be heroes for a change.
And try to think positively about yourself. What you look like outside doesn't define who you are.
I hope that offered some little comfort. Keep ranting on here. It's good for you.
_________________ "Usually a person has more faith in their fear than faith in their future."
-Doug Firebaugh http://www.socialphobialife.com/ - a new forum, sign up and help start a new community!
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