Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 3:42 am Post subject: murderous thoughts
ill start this off by saying this is my first time to do this online. i have a rare OCD disorder that's a little dangerous to myself and those around me. iv seen five doctors so far to see if they could help me and so far they have all made it worse or did nothing to it. i have been thro thousands of dollors in meds and appointments all for nothing i have almost been forced to live in a sycotic ward even but was dismissed at the last second thanks to my parents. due to what i have it has all so made me in to an insomniac because it scares me in to not sleeping at nights. this is what i have. at any given moment at any given time during the day i will have a sudden urge to kill anyone and everyone around me it doesn't matter if i know them or not family friend or stranger who ever is closest to me at the time of the thoughts but not just kill them but to do it in a way that it would make them suffer and after they die i want to eat them. i have these thoughts 2 to 6 times a day. sadly the thought have been getting stronger and happening more times a day and they last longer now. and i find my self to start playing with the thing i want to kill the person with. i cant sleep at nights because i have nightmares every night about killing people hunting them down and then eating them when there alive. i scream allot during my sleep the rare times that i do sleep i sleep every other night for 2 hrs I'm to scared to sleep anymore. i don't know what to do anymore i cant seem to cure these on my own can someone please help me or is someone out there like me? I'm 19 years old and I'm in collage. ps sorry for spelling and grammer there not my strong points im begging for help plz someone any lil tip would help somthing nothing is to small at this point i need help badly
Joined: Dec 22, 2007 Posts: 755 Location: California
Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:27 am Post subject:
Wow. It's hard for me to believe this is actually true. First off, that sounds like a very serious problem. I'm really not sure if anyone here would be able to help you with anything like that. I know that the solution to something like this is NOT "just don't do it", because it's not that easy. You can't start though, because once it start, it don't stop. If you ever actually did do one of these horrific things, the urge will just get stronger and stronger.
If you really do have this problem, you need serious help. I'm not saying this because you are a horrible person, but just because the circumstance is so dangerous. The problem is you ought to know the difference between right and wrong, so atleast you KNOW this is wrong wrong wrong.
What you wrote actually sounds so eerily familiar to Jeffrey Dahmer. The obsessive thought to murder, and even eat? people. Of course he's a freak, for what he did. Horrible. You can't end up like that. I don't know if your thoughts are sexual at all, but that is a big reason for the obsession. Of course you're insane if you have thoughts like this, but "insane" and "legally insane" are two very different things.
Don't know what else to say, but this isn't just something you can fix all on your own. Just keep at it, even if you have to do it over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. Don't stop. At least you KNOW you have a serious problem, and want to get rid of it. Just don't give into such a fantasy, then it ain't a fantasy anymore. Don't make that a reality. Look at the consequences. I apologize for making such a long post, and whatever happens, I wish for you the best of luck.
im not making this up this isnt somthing to be made fun of this si somthign that has been hounting me seens i was 7. i was first put on a stimulate med for my adhd and then thats when all hell broke lose. i started to see and hear things that arnt there. it never started out with the thoughts it started out with bodys randomly falling from the sky. my mom nor dad never belived me and started crushing my pills in drinks so i wouldent notice it till finaly a few years ago they belived me but the dmg has been done for over 10 years i had to whetness horrrible things that wernt there iv basicly grew up scared for my life
Joined: Dec 22, 2007 Posts: 755 Location: California
Posted: Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:50 am Post subject:
I didn't think you were making it up, just saying it is something that is hard to believe. I do havever think you're telling the truth though, sorry if I didn't make that clear.I'm sorry If what I said was wrong or something, was only trying to help. It actually took me a very long time to make that post. Do you have any other disorders? Because it could be a chemical imbalance.
Last edited by Psychedelicious on Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:01 am; edited 1 time in total
no no i thank u for the long post. but i havent had a brain scane or anything yet my current doc says he knows of only one other person like me but hes to scared to let us meet. all he has told me is that i have a slight chimical imballance
So are you actually wanting to do these things or are you affraid of doing them even though you don't want to?
I have had somewhat similar experiences although not to the same degree. When my son was younger I read an article about a mom killing her baby... I looked down at my tiny son sleeping in my arms, trying to comprehend how a mom could take her child's life... and then I imagined doing the same... and once the thought came into my head it kept coming back. It's like I KNEW I didn't want to do it and the thought terrified me but I couldn't understand why I would THINK such things and worried that maybe the fact that the thought kept coming into my head meant that part of me did want to do it. Well, I ended up reading about pure OCD, and somehow just reading about it helped me a lot... One thing I read was that normal people will have bad thoughts, too... Like they might envission themselves killing their baby after reading such an article, but because they know they wouldn't do it, they let the thought go... People with pure OCD think, I had this thought, this proves that I must be a horrible person, why would I think this if part of me didn't want to do it... So it's sort of linked with low self esteem, which made a lot of sense to me... Also, the other thing I read is that we obsess over these thoughts BECAUSE it upsets us... Like if I told you, "DON'T think about pink elephants" you would automatically think about pink elephants... Because we tell ourselves NOT to think those thoughts we obsess over them. I used to also obsess that I would step on the gas as someone was crossing the street, or steer my car over a cliff or things like that... Like my body would act in horrible ways even though mentally I didn't want to do those things.
Anyways, if this all sounds familiar to you, from what I read people with pure OCD really AREN'T at risk for really doing these things, we really just think these thoughts BECAUSE we keep trying not to think about them... The harder we try not to think a thought the more we will think about it. I would be more concerned if you get pleasure out of the thoughts, I guess.
i understande what u mean by pure OCD and i wish i could just lye and say that the thoughts mean nothing to me but when i have them i want to do it badly very badly but a small part of me hold it back its like a diffrent person takes over
The real and only true remedy for your situation lies in reading the Bible and ultimately asking Jesus Christ to free you.
Evil actions know no bounds, so I believe a human does and will have such thoughts - so if what you are saying is true, know this: there have been millions who have been freed from such demonic thoughts like that.
The Bible says that Satan is like a lion looking for people who he can devour! Satan will not be satisfied with you just having thoughts like that, he wants you to go through with every single one of them.
If you are truly looking for freedom from such an evil mindset, then why not look to God? Why not allow yourself to reach your hand out to Christ before you go off the deep end? There is no reason to not turn to Jesus, because otherwise you will only perish.
Without God, what will your goal be? To simply get through life without actually hurting someone? No, you need and deserve more than that. There is nothing too great for Christ to free you from. He has overcome the world and died in place of our sins. Jesus Christ is the bondage breaker.
If you are truly looking for peace, then read the Bible, get on your knees and cry out to Jesus Christ for help. If you do, then there is nothing except freedom and hope that will be in your path.
So why do you think you want to do it? Does it maybe give you a feeling of power? Do you tend to feel powerless a lot? Or do you feel a lot of anger at the world? Or resentment that people don't understand your pain?
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
96 guests
19 members
Forum FAQ
Search
Profile
Private messages
Log in
