Posted: Tue Sep 09, 2008 1:54 am Post subject: Boyfriends/Girlfriends... Close friends?
I am just wondering how difficult is it to find a gf/bf w/ AvDP? Also, if you have a gf/bf, or married, how old were you when that happened?
I'm 21, and have yet to have a bf... I really really want someone, but it's just that I haven't even met anyone that I like. Mostly because I really don't know how to interact w/ guys so I never get to know a guy well enough.
Also, I realized how much I need to be around close friends... This is my last year at university... and just the thought of me probably not being able to go to the same grad school as this one close friend of mine is so painful. The even sadder thing is that if I do end up in grad school, it would be the sake of just being around close friends that I'm comfortable with, not for the education itself.
I feel like if I can't find a significant other whom can motivate me to overcome all of my fears and be with him forever, or if I'm in a new environment all alone studying something I could care less about, I'd seriously just give up and lock myself up in my parents' house.
I'm ashamed to admit I've been out with some wilful people I didn't even like, through politeness! They sort of assumed we were gong out, and I'm too pathetic to be bold enough to put 'em straight. The relationship was always about how I was going to tactfully finish it. It's a long story - but both had strong motives for being desparate for a relationship. I feel such a t**t about it.
My boyfriend of 2.5 years seems like a stroke of luck. But that said, I feel like he missed his ex - girlfriend and wanted a relationship more than he especially wanted me.
In my experience, it seems a relationship comes about through 2 people both wanting a relationship, rather than 2 people being compatible and it just happens.
It shouldn't be this way - but I'm just saying that's what life's shown me.
Based on my past, I believe you are doing the right thing by hanging on for someone you really like - don't worry about what you should do by a certain age. As I initially did this, but decided I 'should have a boyfriend at my age' at age 19. I'm 26 now and wish I could forget about my bad relationships - and the feeling that I can easily get pushed into things, and doing things just to expect things to fall into place because of it. You're right to listen to your intuition.
Thanks for all your replies, it's nice to see that despite SA/AvPD you are still able to get into relationships It's good to know that although we're a bit older than when most people first date, we're still capable of it. I'll wait patiently for "the one" hehe.
its very difficult for me to hae friends let alone a bf .i always so scaught up in whether his intetions are well or will they use me or hurt me so i just stay away
Yeah I know what u mean hartbrokenvirgo.... It's been hard for me to make really close friends these days kuz I tend to distance myself from people. It's something that we'll have to work hard on to overcome :]
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It's good to know that although we're a bit older than when most people first date, we're still capable of it. I'll wait patiently for "the one" hehe.