Joined: May 03, 2005 Posts: 1165 Location: England
Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 2:32 pm Post subject: I'm tired of being a recluse
All it does it make me more and more depressed and fed up. I'd love to have some kind of normal life, having fun with outgoing friends. Even doing things others take for granted like going to a job or going to uni, even shopping etc. Every day is the same.. over and over again. I need a way out of this before I lose all hope.
Joined: Jun 04, 2008 Posts: 269 Location: The good red road
Posted: Tue Sep 16, 2008 3:13 pm Post subject:
I feel you.
_________________ I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.
Joined: May 03, 2005 Posts: 1165 Location: England
Posted: Thu Sep 18, 2008 9:23 pm Post subject: Re: I'm tired of being a recluse
Skog wrote:
Have you considered volunteering with a charitable organization or joining some kind of hobby club?
Yes i've done volunteering with Barnardo's (a children's charity), and at a special school. I enjoy sports. Doing that is all well and good but it's not getting me anywhere. In fact they began to bore me (maybe depression). I need a job, or a course, money, friends, women(!), direction. I don't have anything 'real' in my life and it's killing me.
Posted: Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:02 am Post subject: Re: I'm tired of being a recluse
Pinker wrote:
I need a job, or a course, money, friends, women(!), direction. I don't have anything 'real' in my life and it's killing me.
OK, what are you doing to try to get any of those things you listed?
Are you being too picky about a job? I have a professional job now, but I worked in a butcher shop, as a bus boy, as a janitor, and other low paying, non-glamorous jobs for years while going to school. Can you get a job at a fast-food restaurant? You don't have to make it a career, but you will earn a little money and meet some people. It's also usually easier to get a job (like a better job) when you already have one.
How about taking some college or vocational classes? Do you have enough money to sign up for anything? You will have the opportunity to meet other students in the classes. They may help you qualify for a better job.
When you apply for a job and your presently unemployed and have been that way for awhile, the prospective employer may be wary of hiring you. If you already have a job, or your in school, you seem like less of a risk to hire.
me too. ....ive had enough already. sometimesi just wish i could start my life over and live a normal one without all the fear and pain.sometimes i think i am going to be like this forever and it scares me
It isn't easy to make changes in your life if you're scared of what the changes might bring and that's perhaps why so many people wish for things but do nothing to make their own wishes come true. But the painful truth is that no one else can live our lives for us or give us all the things we want; we have to do it ourselves.
Skog gave some very good practical suggestions as to how the OP might help himself. To get a job you need to apply for one because no one is going to come knocking on your door offering you one. I think maybe a part-time for is best for someone wanting to begin or return to the world of work, because it isn't quite so overwhelming as a full-time one. Also, sometimes it's easier to get a part-time, casual job, especially if you haven't worked recently or don't have many qualifications. Any work that brings you into contact with people is good but remember you don't have to be the life and soul of the party kind of thing, you just need to be around people and gradually get your confidence and social skills back.
Work can give you friends and money and a sense of having something to get up for every day. It can also lead on to qualifications in some cases and maybe promotion and further responsibility. But even if it doesn't, even if you prefer just to do a shift a couple of times a week, it's still worthwhile.
Charity work is excellent too, even if it's only working a morning or two in a charity shop. It's a good feeling to be able to help others; it gives you a sense of worth and reminds you how lucky you are. And again it can lead in some cases to paid work and/or a new career.
As for meeting people outside work, there are always evening classes (yes, I know, everyone says this but the simple fact is that it's true - people do make friends there. I met my best friend at evening classes). There's also church or youth groups/residence groups/hobby groups. Or you could just drop into the pub down the road.
Please, if you want more in your life, make some effort to get it. Don't let life pass you by simply because you want to avoid making an effort. In my own life it's the times I made the effort that have paid off, in ways too numerous to mention. I don't think I ever suffered from APD as such, but I did suffer from agoraphobia and know all about avoidance because of that. Yes, it can be hard to get both the courage and the motivation to actually DO something, but if you do nothing then nothing will change and your life will stay the same as it is at present.
I feel you. And I'm in your state right now as well, setting goals might not be easy at this stage since we missed out on alot of things. My advice would be get a job or go to college preferably a job, to atleast get out of that killing state. I know what your going through believe me I even thought about flying back home and getting military training for a couple of years.
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....ive had enough already. sometimesi just wish i could start my life over and live a normal one without all the fear and pain.sometimes i think i am going to be like this forever and it scares me
