When do you just say enough is enough?

Miri · Newbie User Joined: Sep 27, 2008 Posts: 3

I've always worried that this would get the better of me and I'd end up living a life of lonlieness and solitude, but unfortunately I can't flip a switch and become normal like those around me.

I've been to University once before - lived in halls, away from home, it was an absolute nightmare. I dropped out and am now in a local University, living at home with family. I hate it though, I dread the thought of going to lectures and sitting on my own. Every single person in my class seems to have friends and a social life and I feel so completely disconnected from it all. I have no friends. I don't even want the degree either, I'm just doing it because I feel I 'should' have a degree.

I had a full time job, which I could return to. It wasn't great and had no prospects, but it was comfortable and easy. Every day was the same, I knew what to expect. I'd even go as far as to say I sort of enjoyed it

Apart of me wants to stop forcing myself to do things I hate on a daily basis but the other part doesn't want to let this thing win and dictate my life. Is it weak to give in and just take the easier option?

Thank you so much for reading this far Wink

I'm curious to hear any advice, comments or similar experiences.

Thanks, Miri

GloomySunday · Posted: Sat Sep 27, 2008 10:11 pm Post subject:

When I was at university, not that long ago, I threw myself into my studies one hundred percent and didn't really concern myself with socialising too much. My attitude was that I was there to learn.

Over time, people noticed that I was quite 'studious' but I was always approachable and offered help and support to people. That's always a good way to make friends.

For example, if I saw someone from my class in the Library, I'd just say, "Hey, how's that assignment going?" If they said,"OK mostly, but I don't get this bit..." I would offer my help or give them some ideas.

It was a great way to break the ice without risking any kind of rejection.

I mean, if they were finding their assignments easy they'd just say, "No, it's going well...but thanks anyway!" To this I could respond, "Great, but feel free to give me a shout if you do..." and just leave it there.

Everyone's a winner Very Happy

_________________
"Sunday is gloomy, my hours are slumberless, dearest the shadows I live with are numberless..."

Tamzin · Newbie User Joined: Sep 27, 2008 Posts: 7

Miri, do you truly not want to be at university but are just there because you feel you should get a degree? Or are you simply telling yourself that's how it is because you want an excuse to leave and go back to your easy but boring job? One way to decide this might be to ask yourself how you would feel about university if you had friends there, people to sit with at lectures and in the library, etc. Would you enjoy it then and want to stay? If so, then please don't leave now.

GloomySunday has given you some good advice about making friends by offering to help people; people like being offered help and indeed many people like being asked for help too. You could also see if there are any other people who also seem to be on their own a lot as they might be glad of a friend to chat to. It only takes one other person to share things with to make an enormous difference to college life.

If you feel you're studying for a degree you don't want, however, then you really need to decide whether it's worth keeping on with it. Would it be possible to change to a different degree course? I used to work in a university and they were very sympathetic to students wishing to change course, so maybe your uni is the same. It's worth thinking about, anyway.

If you don't really want a degree at all but just think you 'should' have one then maybe it's time for a complete rethink. Many people do very well in life without a degree and you might well be one of them! You don't necessarily have to go back to your old job, you could always look for something more interesting. OTOH maybe you really liked the predictability and ease of your old job and if that's the case then there's really no reason why you shouldn't go back to it. You don't have to stay there forever unless of course that's what you want. Life takes us in all sorts of directions and none of us can see into the future, so no matter what you do, no matter how predictable something seems, there's no guarantee that in a few years time you won't be doing something you can't even imagine now.

Whatever you decide to do, best of luck. Smile

Nay · Newbie User Joined: Oct 07, 2008 Posts: 9

Hi miri,
I'm in the same boat with you. I have 4 days till my new lectures begin, the last one was terrible because I was not really good in class because of my shyness, so I gave a negative image to my class mates. Don't drop out of college, this world is all about "grabing it" if you continue the way you are you'll always go un-noticed. Try to stay sharp by having positve thoughts in your head and build social skills by observing others and learning from ppl. Also study hard. These skills will help you make friends in the many chances you will get like group assignments and helping people.

Wish you the best. Very Happy

chris87 · Advanced User Joined: Jul 09, 2008 Posts: 337

You don't want to leave college. Get your degree, because it will open so many other opportunities for you. I definitely understand how it can be painful to attend class, lectures, etc. Just get through it the best that you can. Your effort should reward you later in life.

IcarusUnderWater · Advanced User Joined: Dec 24, 2007 Posts: 402

Pinker

walkingonglass · Newbie User Joined: Oct 03, 2008 Posts: 1

I was in a very very similar situation to this one, I spent some time at university, and hated every single second of it. I also lived at home and basically ended up with no friends there as a result (I sort of wonder if I'd have made some friends if I'd moved away for it, because I'd basically be forced into being with these people). I never wanted to be there in the first place, never wanted a degree and had no interest in what I was "studying" (I use that term fairly loosely considering I basically coasted through doing as little as possible); my school basically made everyone apply for it and when I got an offer I took it because I thought I should. Personally, I finally stopped going a few months ago, although not before the whole thing ended up screwing me up quite a lot, it's still affecting me a good bit.

I personally would advise that you left it, at least for the time being. Forcing yourself to keep doing something which you hate and don't want to be doing can ultimately end up doing more harm than good.