fear of eye contact

tucker · Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 8:26 pm Post subject: fear of eye contact

i have an intense fear of eye contact for some years now. every conversation whether with people i know or strangers fills me with fear and i feel uncomfortable. i suppose i accept it now .i have become withdrawn even with my family.iam putting a lot of work in now to try to change. i am a highly driven individual and will improve. iam just off seroxat but doing o.k. i am searching and will re-discover that natural happiness isee in my son and inmy own youth.

Secret_Smile · Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 9:00 pm Post subject:

Hi there.
I have this problem as well. I try to make eye contact but can only hold it for a few seconds before looking away from the person I'm talking with.
Something I was told in therapy was to first focus on my eyes in a mirror and talk to myself. I know it sound completely mad (I couldn't stop laughing when I was told to do it and felt like a prat when I did it) but it gets you used to holding eye contact with yourself. Once you've gotten comfortable enough with that then try to look at other people. Pretend your head is in a vice and your eyes can only ever look forward and not off to the side (Almost like a creepy waxwork) it should be a little better.

Like I said, this sounds completely crazy but its worked for me and although it might not work for others surely anythng is worth a try?

Love Smile xXx

Flax · Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2004 11:03 pm Post subject:

I also have that problem. No matter who it is I can only look at them for a short period of time if at all. Often when working with customers I can sense the customer still looking at my eyes even though I'm trying to bring their focus onto what were working with. It bothers me when they do that. Eye contact shouldn't me constant or anyone will become uncomfortable. Hmm... I actually already look into the mirror and talk to myself sometimes I find it's helpful in reminding me that I am not just a brain. Sometimes I become so absorbed in anxieties and thoughts that I lose touch with reality and looking at my physical self breaks me from it usually. Sometimes when I look at people in the eyes I come to the problem of how I should look at them in the eyes. I often find myself focusing on one eye or the other. And I have problems thinking if I keep eye contact. So if they ask a question that I don't have a scripted answer for I absolutely cannot keep eye contact because it hinders my thought process when I'm focusing on something visual.

Orlando · Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2004 10:25 am Post subject:

Hi, Tucker, Secret_Smile, and Flax.

Tucker, Wow, I don't think I've ever spoken to someone in Ireland before. I'm glad to meet you.

I just wanted to say that when I was in elementary school I got in this habit of looking at the ground. When I talked to people or walked about, I looked at the floor. It was strange. I think people thought it was strange too. I had a lots of trouble keeping eye-contact, infact, I used to stare at people's mouths. Really weird. Like Flax, I had trouble concentrating on listening or thinking what to say....so I would give 110% in trying to understand what the person was saying so on top of listening I would be reading lips too. I don't know but I guess that is when I really became aware of how really fast people talk. And people talk fast, you would think it was an Olympic event.
Do you know that a simple conversation drained me of most of my energy? It was so annoying. A conversation like......"Hey, Orlando, Good Morning."......would be quickly followed by a two hour nap. I was really a bundle of nerves.

Hang-in-There!

_________________
-Orl