SA make me seem stuck up

last2no · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:25 pm Post subject: SA make me seem stuck up

I often come across as cold and stuckup....however I really want to connect but do not have the courage to do so. Wouldn't know where to start.

any suggestions?

Chilling__Echo · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:41 pm Post subject:

i always get that. when i'm content, i appear to be angry and pissed off, and like you say, stuck up. i find out way later that people sometimes are intimidated by me.

so over the years i might smile at people who i walk past, if someone says something to me, i try and be really nice or helpful, i love connecting with people. when i'm a work and get in a convo with a customer, i feel so good, it's such a change b/c sometimes i get so down thinking i'm socially handicapped.

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black_mamba · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:42 pm Post subject:

How do you mean connect with people?

Because people often talk, but that doesn't mean they're connecting.

last2no · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 5:56 pm Post subject:

I don't even really know what I mean by connect, I guess talk or be a person who people can be comfortable around and think as friendly?

I envyy those who can be like that naturally.

However thanks for the suggestion, I think smiling at strangers should be a good start.

thugaveli · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 6:12 pm Post subject:

I think you want to appear to be naturally warm & pleasant or socially interacting with other people

When i take my dog a walk if i pass anyone i always say hi and smile and they then think how pleasant i am

Its difficult to just say 'hi' to anyone in the street, like it makes it easier for me with the dog because everyone i say hi to is dog walking so we have something in common

Things like waiting for a bus or people behind the shop counter are easier people to conversate with or just to say a simple hi, are you alright then? Then your confidence will grow

black_mamba · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 6:16 pm Post subject:

People who talk like its nothing are so lucky, no wonder its so hard for them to understand our fears. It'd be like us trying to understand someone with a fear of I don't know, ahem, buttons (sorry I always use this example!) Laughing

I'm not sure what connecting really means either, when two people share a sense of humour, share a way of thinking and interests. But this is very very rare, so better to take small steps first.

Smiling is a great tip. Make it obvious too. I used to try and smile but didn't realise I was keeping my head down whilst doing it, then wondered why shop assistants didn't smile back...but you shouldn't expect everyone to react in the same way. Some people have their own worries so are less likely to smile back/talk, don't ever take this personally.

last2no · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 6:32 pm Post subject:

I've been in denial for so long. Now I want to start reaching out, i feel like a child learning simple things....to physically remember to smile on the outside to match my inside...how obvious but wacky that it didn't enter my mind earlier.

Carina33 · Posted: Fri Jul 22, 2005 7:00 pm Post subject:

I know... a lot of the time, if I meet knew people that don't know how quiet I can be think I am very stuck up. If I am happy with other things too, I sometimes appear even more arrogant. I know that we just had some relatives come to stay at our house from Germany, and when they got home I heard that they thought that I hated them just because I was so quiet. I felt so horribel.

Savannah · Newbie User Joined: Jul 21, 2005 Posts: 8 Location: Canada

Hello everyone..
humm.. I don't think I've ever been called 'stuck-up'..but like Chilling__Echo, I know I intimidate people, some even scared of me (ironic huh?).. and lots of people have said "when I first met you, I thought you didn't like me".. even a cousin said that me to once.

I realized, when I concentrate or I'm confused or scared I frown! and that's what they see.

So now I try smiling (although somedays even that feels like a waste of time) it does work though, with some people. And maybe take a little of notice of your body language. Maybe that's what others are reading a little wrong.

A little weird, but I noticed children read me right, and tend to not leave me alone because they like my company.. and adults the opposite. *urgh..there is no winning*

Anyway.. good luck last2no.. I wish you the best!

Marin · Posted: Sat Jul 23, 2005 7:52 pm Post subject:

Maybe this is obvious but if you have this problem while talking to a person, to share something about yourself might help. people would think I was cold also, part of the reason besides not smiling is I didn't want to reveal anything about myself and then be hurt. I don't mean telling them your life story necessarily but you could share what you like, don't like, what you plan on doing after work, weekend, ? I mean this if you're actually in the middle of talking to someone, I have no idea if it would work as a conversation starter. I think sometimes when people don't see you showing or talking about how you feel, it's like they assume you don't have any feelings.