Is it social phobia??

43guy · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 5:38 am Post subject: Is it social phobia??

Hi-

I was wondering if some of the following behavior is social phobia or mere shyness.

1) I avoid certain places, notably restaurants where I have been more than once. I usually eat alone, because I have very few friends (but I'm not totally isolated) and I always think that the waiters/hostesses/cooks think I am a looser and hate me. I usually feel pretty uncomfortable but it's not so bad that I won't go.... just I rather not go if I can avoid it. Also, when walking down a street passing in front of a restaurant/cafe where people have seen me on a regular basis, I cross to the other side of the street and look away so the people inside won't see me.

2) I am literarly afraid of girls. I am a 21 year old male and have not been in a relationship to date. Whenever I talk to girls, I get nervous. It's much worse when I am in close proximity to them or have to make eye contact. I noticed this when I signed up for ballroom dancing last semester. When holding a dance partner my mind got filled with thoughts that I smelled bad, I was ugly etc..I avoided all eye contact with the dance partner and during brief eye conact I felt so nervous that I thought was going to have anxiety attack. Again, the fear isn't bad enough to keep me from dancing or talking to girls, but it makes me visibly nervous and shaky. However, getting physically close is almost unbearable for me. What I am concerned about is that women like men who are self-confident, and it's tough to be it when your physically anxious. Occaisonly, and I don't know why, I don't get nervous with a girl at all and can have a conversation with her, especially when I am with a friend. In fact being around a friend almost completely transforms me from instensly shy to confident and relaxed

3) I have trouble standing up for myslef, especially when insulted. I get nervous at the mere thought of telling someone off, and usually get mad for not having done so. I even avoid certain places where people that don't like are who have insulted me or otherwise been mean to me. For example, I refused to go to a series of parties somewhere because the person who worked there had a problem with me.

4) I get a little anxious making phone calls. pretty mild, though I rush through while talking or leaving a message. The anxiety doesn't keep me at all from making a call but I don't like doing it unless I have to.

Otherwise, I am OK. I can be relaxed with people I know and interact with them. Does this sound like shyness or social phobia? if it is social phobia, how severe is it? (mild/moderate/severe). Do you have any advice about my problems relating to women?

Thanks

Hellraising · Intermediate User Joined: Apr 07, 2005 Posts: 260

After you said that you "usually eat alone", I made up my mind. You don't have social anxiety. You're just shy or very independant.

rachel · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:33 am Post subject:

when u mentioned that u are alright when u r with a friend, that doesn't sound to me that u r independent, but actually crave familiarity and support from ur peers (kind of like me)
i think u r bordering on mild social anxiety.

annie · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:39 am Post subject:

I agree with Rachel on this one

annie Smile

p.s. here is a link to a page on social phobia
http://www.adavic.org/info/socialphobia.htm

black_mamba · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:43 am Post subject:

43guy you're symptoms are very similar to mine, except a little less extreme.

When I read all the possible symptoms to social phobia something in my head clicked and I knew for certain I was socially phobic, so as rachel said its possible you have a very mild version of it.

FruitLooPs · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 11:45 am Post subject:

rachel · Posted: Wed Jul 27, 2005 12:12 pm Post subject:

when u mentioned that u are alright when u r with a friend, that doesn't sound to me that u r independent, but actually crave familiarity and support from ur peers (kind of like me)
i think u r bordering on mild social anxiety.