I understand where you are coming from- I had agoraphobia for a few years and I have forgotten the pain of that. Reading your post makes me feel better about the things I can do, and the things I have... but I still feel sooo much jealousy about people who are outgoing. Today I was watching this girl laughing and just being totally unselfconscious and I thought that people must think I'm ridiculous for being so shy- but (as you know) I really just can't help it.
Good luck to you- are you in therapy now? Sometimes it doesn't seem like it helps but it will eventually.
Well I can understand where you are coming from when you say it frustrates you to see some of the people with SA on this site seem to be able to live something of a normal life because when I see people who don't have SA at all it frustrates me that they do not have to go through the things I do . Bear in mind though, that people with SA who live "normal lives", and I suppose that includes me, are often only living their life in that way because they have to.
I had to leave home because I did not have an understanding family, I had to get a place of my own because it was that or homelessness, I had to get a job to survive and I have had to keep it, I have to keep studying because I want to get somewhere in life. My family would not support me, that meant I had to support myself. The welfare system here does not support you just because you know you can't leave the house, they don't care if you do have SA, I had to support myself. The fact that an SAer might be living normally has nothing to do with the severity of their SA. Don't get me wrong... I'm not trying to attack you, I am just saying that the lives some SAers are living are not as they may appear.
The fact that I have had to be self-sufficient has made me tougher, has helped me to cope with my SA because I have been exposed to my fear and have had to battle through it. I still don't live a normal life though, it is not normal to have the thoughts I have and to worry as much as I do. I guess my point is: when you feel frustrated, try to think that the SAers living "normal lives" are proof that you can make it instead of thinking that their grass is greener than yours. Take care .
Joined: Mar 13, 2006 Posts: 176 Location: Detroitish
Posted: Tue Apr 04, 2006 8:20 am Post subject:
You dont have it worse.
I have severe SP. I have suffered a concussion and watched the people do it and then laugh and then get away with it. I have no friends or a girlfriend ever. I'm not a genius like you, I'm borderline retarded more likely. One thing I have over others is personality, and it's a lot more genuine than intelligence so I know what not living up to your potential can be like. Also, it doesn't take a math genius to step on a stairmaster. Start making an effort dude.
Joined: Mar 02, 2006 Posts: 27 Location: Los Angeles
Posted: Wed Apr 05, 2006 6:25 am Post subject:
Your condition reminds me of the movies A Beautiful Mind. It was based on true story. John Nash, played by Russel Crowe, was a math genius but was also a loner. He sufferred from schizophrenia for a long time but recovered in later life. He even won a Nobel prize. I think if you are good at math then you should utilize it and find your purpose of life out of it.
My story is somewhat similar to yours. I was housebound for a year and was angry at the world, especially the people on this site, on why I couldn't find another who NEVER left their house at all. I was on a daily binge fest, sometimes amounting to 10,000 calories a binge, and the weight quickly piled on. I am now obesed but am losing weight slowly. I also never showered for months.
One day, my mom opened my door with a key with the ambulance waiting to bring me to a mental hospital. To keep the long story short, I was brought to the hospital and there I stayed under observation for a month. Now I've resumed my studies and life is so much better.
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. Bear in mind though, that people with SA who live "normal lives", and I suppose that includes me, are often only living their life in that way because they have to.
