I just read about Avoidant Personality Disorder

ainticrazy · Guest

And though I may not be qualified to diagnose myself I identified so much that it brought me to tears. This is something that never occured before when I was reading about Social Anxiety. Though I do identify wiht SA it wasn't to the extent that I identify with AvPD.

Usually when I'm socializing I'm just numb/dumb. I'm not able to express myself or connect.. Not because I feel anxious, really - just because it looms there. I do want to desperately be as open with others in real life as I can be alone or online... but it's like I become crippled.

And it seems to be getting worse. I used to be able to just "be myself" without these sort of thoughts bothering me too much when with friends. But now my neurosis seems to be invading my closest life long relationships with my friends! And this is what has finally gotten me to look into this more and think about getting some help. I'm easily satisfied, really. It doesn't take much for me to feel happy and fulfilled with my limited relationships with others, but now I feel incapable of even meeting that so It's terrifying me.

I'd say what scares me the most out of anything in this world is my own subconscious. I'd hate to be hypnotized and hear what it has to say about me and itself.

And if my prbolems rally are SA/AvPD, I want to conquer as quickly as I can. I'm going into my late 20's and have suffered with this all my life, I'm so tired of it... for the first time ever I'm feeling extreme depression and even have had thoughts of sucide (not entertained them or felt it's something I'd ever be able to do) but it is a sign to me that things have just gotten worse.

And I think my neurosis is becoming more noticible to others... I used to be able to just appear shy or private or disinterested... but now people make comments to me about how I'm weird or life "wooden". And I know too that my behavior and demeaner is worsening to warrant this evaluation. I'm no longer able to appear normal.

So I want to hear success stories or theories. Can we support ourselves and overcome this together? Maybe we can come up with drills that we can all do and share our experiences with eachother. Has anybody had any success with improvment either by themselves or in therapy once they'd made the discovery of AvPD? In a lot of areas in my life I've noticed if I try and work hard enough I can exceed my own expectations. I'm hopeful that I can beat this too if I know where to start and who can help.. But I know nobody but me can fix me, ultimately. That will only come with hard work.

I'm so isolated now and don't know where to begin so I'm beginning here.

Nina · Newbie User Joined: Oct 20, 2006 Posts: 9

" It doesn't take much for me to feel happy and fulfilled with my limited relationships with others, but now I feel incapable of even meeting that so It's terrifying me. "

That sounds so so so much like me! I am very shy with new people and don't know if i have AvPD or not