Psychosomatic Dizziness

Amiyumi · Newbie User Joined: Mar 14, 2007 Posts: 78

I've always had sp too, sorry for the long post, I'll explain how I got in this mess too. You don't have to read all this, just skip to the last bit. It's not really a rant, it's no big to me now, but sorry in advance.

My mum took ill with me when I was born, so she never took to me, and my dad had to give up work to take care of us. She was in hospital for a couple of years. When she had my little sis, she was better, so I think thats how I'm the only one this bad in my family.

When I started school I was really quiet, I never talked. It was the first time I was out, around other kids. So kids included me till about primary 3 and I ended up on my own after that, I just walked round the school or stayed at a wall. By primary 5, kids started commenting on my colour, and my looks (I was really ugly), so I never had any self esteem. My brother and sister, I never got on with them back then, so they always made fun of me for how I acted at school, my mum too, but she didn't really know, they were trying diffrent medications for her at the time, but I always hated her as a kid. When I was 7 I was in an accident and wouldn't go out at home anymore, thats how I became so isolated. Eventually the teachers told my dad about what I was like at school, so he got me a psychologist, but she said I was extremley shy. So he moved me to a diffrent school, thinking I needed a fresh start. I was bullied by some guy there, he would kick me when I was alone or ruin my work etc, and a girl there started picking on me cause I was tanned, so I got a complex about it. I stopped eating in the lunchrooms cause when I had no where to sit and no one let me sit with them, so I can't eat in front of people even now. Highschool was the same, till I was 14, then I just changed, and guys started to like me. But I couldn't deal with the attention and it turned into abuse and bullying so I left. I'm ok with my family now, but still can't tell them about it, back then I pretended everything was ok, cause of how they handled things in the past.

Thats when I couldn't go out and got a cpn, but could still face people, and she got me into college. Sorry for assuming it was that easy. I went to college and ended up moving into a class with as, I used to hang around with them cause I couldn't make friends in my class, and the tutours said I probably have it too, the psych agreed so I was diagnosed, but I know I don't have it, I haven't been officially tested. My brother and little sis have it though, I'm no where near as intelegent as them, and never will be.

The same attention problems happened in college, not as physical, but I was threatened and stalked by one guy and lost trust in men. I became fully housebound at 19 (3 days before I turned 19), and couldn't face anyone. At 22 I got a housecoat to hide from my family too. It's only since I met a guy who knew what was wrong with me and had the patience to get to know me that I started to get better. I can face him, and sometimes my family. The psych visited just last year to make sure I'm not psychotic or anything, and wont come out to help me since I wont face them yet. I had the social offer me a befriender too, but I haven't got back to them on it yet.

Just now, when I go out, I go out when it's raining. So I have my hood and brolly up to hide, so long as people can't see me I'm fine out there. But summers comming... I need to get a hat or something maybe. I'm waiting for the easter holidays to be over just now so I can have a venture out again. It's a little like mission impossible ha.

Actually it's people who know me, or in my aera I fear seeing me. Cause I know they'll look, and know I'm the girl that dosen't go out. If I'm out my street I'm better, cause there's no stigma, they don't know I have sp so I can put on an act that I'm normal, confident. But I dread comming back home, it's like I have to sneak back without anyone noticing. Laughing

Try going out at night was probably the best advice I gave then. Thats what got me going out, I still hide when the door goes and hide at the window, but getting out there really takes your focus away from yourself. You relise how unrealistic you are with yourself, and start to let go of it. Although it dosen't go away. I think it will eventually with me. The biggest thing that got me out of that way of thinking about myself was the guy who helped me get this far, having someone who loved me. But I am starting to love myself now cause of it. Loving yourself and letting go of whatever other people think is the only thing I think can cure this. It's lack of self worth, and you have to give that to yourself somehow. Try and go for a walk at night round the block, sure you're not facing people but it does help. Or even sitting on your porch at night, and walking up to the tree.

Can you face people when you're out of your street? When I'm out of my aera it's easier for me. My sa is literally halved. Especially if you don't see them again. Maybe you could get a day out somewhere, like a relatives, I don't have any, but I think anywhere, even in a taxi to somewhere quiet and back in. Early in the morning when no one'll be around, since its lighter early in summer too.

Sorry this isn't much help right now, I'll post again, I was going somewhere with this, but my heads a little slow right now. But keep going, the only reason I stayed in too long was cause I gave up on it, I lost myself in videogames and projects. Maybe that was recovery time... but you do get sick of your life eventually, you want more.

I'm sorry you're going through that, but trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel on this one, even if you can't face people for now, do what you can, people can wait, you can only climb one mountian at a time. Very Happy

Starry · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 8:27 pm Post subject:

I'm sorry for all you've been through, but i'm glad you're improving now. Smile

Amiyumi · Newbie User Joined: Mar 14, 2007 Posts: 78

I've posted about this before, but didn't know how to put a link up. Actually it might not work...

http://www.phobics-society.org.uk/

It's a charity for in the uk. Its £21 a year to join, but maybe the phone therapy service can help you. ..to be honest I just couldn't be bothered to try it myself, I didn't feel it'd could help, so I can't say if its any good...

And that number isn't freephone, but they have the same thing through email.

But the people on it have suffered from the problems themselves or are training psychologists, so I guess it's ok. The section for meeting people and support groups are mostly in England. Sad

Obviously be careful if you add your contact details, and if you meet people. If you have a mobile, use that instead of your house number if you contact suffers. (sorry, that sounds obvious, but I still have to say). They deal with all phobias, and ocd etc.

They give you a form so you can refer yourself to phone therapy, so you can post it to the docs, I cant see even mine refuse that..

Sorry I can't really think of anything else right now. It's not really something I wanted to try, I still don't...

Good luck though. Smile

Amiyumi · Newbie User Joined: Mar 14, 2007 Posts: 78

People will always be mountian enough for me Laughing

You seem so creative and ambitious, I think this experience makes us value life and people more than most.

Maybe you could use going to the tree to ajust to the dizzyness, going out at night and sitting on the step, let yourself become dizzy Laughing

I don't know what that's like really, but maybe you'd get used to it and it'd stop, like panic attacks would, but I really think that you need to see someone to help find the root cause of it, that's the only way you'll put an end to that I think. Sorry I can't relate.

Doctors like yours.. ugh, y'know, I think they should be reminded that they're generic, GP - general practitioner, and that they have no right to think they know anything about mental illness. Just the power to refer you to someone who does instead of letting people get this bad cause they think they know better. Evil or Very Mad

So many could use a bedside manner too.

Starry · Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2007 11:33 pm Post subject:

I've had the dizziness for nearly nine years (In May) I think if I was going to get used to it, I would have by now lol. I did manage to suffer on with it for 3(ish) years, but the stress it caused just got too much. *Sigh*

I would love to find the root cause and just get rid of it once and for all. It's enough to drive a person insane... Oh, wait, I already am insane, so no danger of that lol. (Sorry, it' one of my things, I like calling myself insane lol)

Yep Twisted Evil

at GPs lol.

Thanks for the link BTW, I think I'll give it a miss though - I'm not good with phones... And I hate giving out my e-mail, so I wouldn't use that either lol. (I'm paranoid about e-mails too lol) thank you though. Smile

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