I'm wasting my life

curly_wurly · Newbie User Joined: Jun 07, 2007 Posts: 2 Location: UK

I'm twenty years old and have AvPD. I dropped out of sixth form, and then dropped out of college. I'm now unemployed. My family isn't being all that supportive right now, I feel totally worthless and truly wish I hadn't been born most of the time. I just can't take that first step to get out into the real world, 'normal' people make it seem so easy...
I've never had a boyfriend, and I'm convinced I'll be always be alone. I'm gradually losing the few friends I have from school and college because I rarely go out. My family have lost all patience with me. I know what I should be doing to try and change things, but I can't bring myself to do it.
I'm pretty much at rock bottom right now and I can't see a way out.

appletree · Newbie User Joined: Feb 13, 2007 Posts: 59

thought i'd reply here, i sent you a message via messenger on this site but you may not have got it.
I just wanted to say that what you wrote in your message mirrors the way i am feeling and where i am in life pretty much word for word.
i know what you're going through so if you want to talk about it then i understand.

JaneDoe · Newbie User Joined: Jun 08, 2007 Posts: 7

I am also 20 years old and I have dropped out of high school when I was 16. I don't work and I never leave my house. I am new to this website and I still can not believe that there are actually people out there like me. I have beyond wasted my life and keep my only friend and new friends I have made online on a distant with lies such as yeah I'm on vacation. Sad

Why do we hate ourselves like this? Is this our karma? I am so disappointed in myself and yet I keep on doing it every single second. I am fat and yet I do nothing to loose weight. I always say yeah tomorrow I'll start but I never really do. Owh but you probably don't relate to this. hi.

curly_wurly · Newbie User Joined: Jun 07, 2007 Posts: 2 Location: UK

Thanks for the replies. I always used to think I was the only person who was like this, it's a relief to know I'm not alone.
It's sad really, I'm sitting here at the computer trying to compose what I'm going to say, even here I'm worried about how I'll come across Rolling Eyes

My last post was pretty negative, I'm not always like that! Sometimes I feel more hopeful, and think that maybe I could perhaps get a little part time job, ease myself in gently, it'll be easy blah blah blah but when it comes to it I chicken out. I actually had a few weekend jobs as a teenager and they were pretty awful, I felt like a freak. I hate being known as 'the quiet one', I'm sure you know what I mean! Now I just can't bring myself to do it because I know what it'll be like, trying to make small talk with colleagues and by the end of my first day I know they'll think I'm a total weirdo. What I'd like is a job that involves as little contact with people as possible, but that wouldn't really help me get on better with people. Hate being like this... *grumble grumble*

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Well excuse me for having enormous flaws that I don't work on!

FaymeLevy · Posted: Sat Jun 09, 2007 12:18 am Post subject:

Hello, and welcome to the site. Smile

I know how you feel..I dropped out at 14, and spent the next 2 years in the court system and mental hospitals. At 16, they dropped the case, and I was on my own..well, by on my own, I mean in the charge of my mother. Now im 24 and still just staying home all the time, doing nothing.

I don't really have any advice, as you can see, im not really in a position to give it. I just wanted to say hello and tell you that even though it doesnt seem like it, you are not alone. Its a very real condition that effects more people than the world seems to realize.

It was great finding this site. Whenever I start to have a panic attack, I just post on this site, and people make me feel better. I hope it will do the same for you. Smile

Tryin · Advanced User Joined: Sep 04, 2006 Posts: 413

Too many people are wasting their lives away. But you don't have to. Do something productive today. Now. You can always make progresses. It's good that you are trying (or at least willing) to fix it. Welcome to the site, and good luck. Now, it's up to you.

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I want to use this place to promote my blog (read: to spam): www.lindasauthority.blogspot.com

Ry · Newbie User Joined: Jun 19, 2007 Posts: 2

I just want to say that I can relate to your situation because I'm in almost the same exact place. I'm also 20 and I failed out of college, mainly due to avoiding classes for anxiety-related reasons. I had plans involving travel but I just don't think I have the drive to go through with them. I'm unemployed and living at home, much to the chagrin of my parents and I really don't know what I'm going to do. It doesn't help that I have no friends to talk to and nowhere to turn for guidance that I can trust. It's difficult because it's hard for most people understand how I feel, and they just assume that I'm lazy or stupid.

I don't know how helpful this post is, but I just wanted to let you know that there's another person out there who knows what you're going through.

Skog · Newbie User Joined: Jul 13, 2006 Posts: 82 Location: USA

shell_shocked · Newbie User Joined: Jun 28, 2007 Posts: 2

stormygrey · Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 12:05 am Post subject:

I'm 20 too, and can relate. it's frustrating.