Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:30 pm Post subject: friends ignoring you
I was with three friends today who started talking about their plans for the weekend and I was just completly left out of them. It hurts enough knowing the don't even consider me when i'm not around...but I was standingright there! they talked about who they were going to invite all excitedly and I stood there like an idiot.
I didnt really want to go anyway but it would have been nice if they had at least offerred an invitation to me. this is nothing new but its usually done when Im not standing right there.
it makes me wonder who is a worse friend....them for not including me at all with anything they do, or me for never taking the initiative with getting plans together. I guess I expect them to realize I dont ask to be included, I dont want to have to ask to be included.
I am afraid I appear that I dont have fun in social situations (I do sometimes, I just dont seem to show it) and then they dont want me there ruining there good time.
Joined: Oct 22, 2007 Posts: 263 Location: England, Devon
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:49 pm Post subject:
Hey yeah ive had the same thing go on recently, my friends do stuff every weekend as most would but i wasn't invited to anything last weekend and i know they did stuff as there are vids on facebook. The thing is the weekend before that i was asked to go out both on fri and sat, which i declined both.....stupid i know, i was just in a hugely shit mood. Anyways, they would'nt usually leave me out it's just if you dont go at least sometimes, which im finding out now, they are likely to stop asking. And this isn't going to be because your boring or a drag or anything, it's more because they won't want to irritate you by asking a lot.....so im trying not to overreact over this, as i was a lil' annoyed (at myself) because i really felt like doing something last weekend. Plus i have a problem with inviting myself if your wondering why i didn't just ask them if anything was going on that night. But yeah, ive had it when they go through everyone who's going to something and them not say me and later found out that i was invited becasue they didn't need to say my name as i was with them lol so basically the reason they didnt say your name coulda been because you were there.
(Sorry for my grammer, too lazy for well constructed sentences right now)
_________________ It's funny when you're so far into an introspective state that if someone speaks to you, your brain ultimately crashes.
Last edited by Generical on Tue Jan 22, 2008 8:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
My best friend (or is that ex-best friend now?) never answers the phone when I call her. I know she's busy a lot of the time but she doesn't even attempt to call me back. So we go for about 6 months without talking. I've finally decided to just let her go, although she was by far the best friend I've ever had. I know I'll never connect with another person that way again. But at least we had some fun times. Still, it's not worth it to feel like I'm being ignored all the time.
Hey yeah ive had the same thing go on recently, my friends do stuff every weekend as most would but i wasn't invited to anything last weekend and i know they did stuff as there are vids on facebook. The thing is the weekend before that i was asked to go out both on fri and sat, which i declined both.....stupid i know, i was just in a hugely shit mood. Anyways, they would'nt usually leave me out it's just if you dont go at least sometimes, which im finding out now, they are likely to stop asking. And this isn't going to be because your boring or a drag or anything, it's more because they won't want to irritate you by asking a lot.....so im trying not to overreact over this, as i was a lil' annoyed (at myself) because i really felt like doing something last weekend. Plus i have a problem with inviting myself if your wondering why i didn't just ask them if anything was going on that night. But yeah, ive had it when they go through everyone who's going to something and them not say me and later found out that i was invited becasue they didn't need to say my name as i was with them lol so basically the reason they didnt say your name coulda been because you were there.
(Sorry for my grammer, too lazy for well constructed sentences right now)
well I dont think Im "with them" because they said each others names, but not mine. oh and i have a huge problem with asking to join people in their plans too.
youre right tho, i do think that they get the impression that i get tired with their inviting me, because i often do decline. but its hard because when they don't invite me along, I try to make it look like my feelings arent hurt. I think if I got upset about things they would invite me more, but I consciously brush it off like its no big deal. so I just dig myself deeper!
sometimes I feel like going out, sometimes I dont. I dont always say no, but even when I do I always appreciate them at least asking me. I just also feel like they invite me along not because they want my company but because they feel its obligatory. so i dont want to bother them.
I cant even feel comfortable around my own "friends"
Joined: Oct 22, 2007 Posts: 263 Location: England, Devon
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:25 pm Post subject:
Quote:
I just also feel like they invite me along not because they want my company but because they feel its obligatory. so i dont want to bother them.
I cant even feel comfortable around my own "friends"
Argh i get the same feeling but i mean hey if our friends don't want our company i dont see why they would have anything to do with us in the first place. I've kinda had to go through times where i say yes to nearly every invite so they pretty much start to remember me again but i really don't think it's because they don't care as after going out a bit more i get invited a load more showing that they want my company kinda thing.......i hope. Anyways i think i might try and ask 'if anything is going on tonight' etc. sometime as waiting for an invite just doesn't work all the time.
_________________ It's funny when you're so far into an introspective state that if someone speaks to you, your brain ultimately crashes.
Joined: Dec 22, 2007 Posts: 757 Location: California
Posted: Tue Jan 22, 2008 11:47 pm Post subject:
I have experienced this before. This happens to me pretty much every single friday. The people I sit with at lunch in school always talk about what their doing on the weekend, and I am just completely left out of it. It's happend for atleast 4 months in a row now. I mean they go off have fun, and then there's me left there sitting doing nothing. SO I understand and it is really irritating, and I just wish I had real friends who liked me for me.
Joined: Jan 18, 2008 Posts: 4 Location: New Zealand
Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 5:27 am Post subject:
How about this for not being asked:
Two or so years ago, I was standing in a circle with a group of friends (it was an accidental circle, not planned) and there was one guy on the opposite side to me, we can call him Jay. He went around in order and asked everyone to his party, got to me, skipped and went to the next person. Soon after that I found some new friends. Now I'm happier lol.
BTW I was going to say no. I wanted to reject his invite. I didn't like they guy, he didn't exactly like me. I just thought he could've picked a more appropriate time to ask everyone.
My best friend (or is that ex-best friend now?) never answers the phone when I call her. I know she's busy a lot of the time but she doesn't even attempt to call me back. So we go for about 6 months without talking. I've finally decided to just let her go, although she was by far the best friend I've ever had. I know I'll never connect with another person that way again. But at least we had some fun times. Still, it's not worth it to feel like I'm being ignored all the time.
If she ignores you - assuming you have not ignored her in the past - it means that she wasn't a real friend!
I had a few close friends, but I ignored them and then they ignored me, which is totally my own fault.
Joined: Nov 08, 2007 Posts: 83 Location: Australia
Posted: Wed Jan 30, 2008 7:13 am Post subject:
i think it's really rude to be inviting only other people while your present, they should know it'll be making you feel left out and if they know of a reason that you wouldn't be able to go, they would acknowledge it to be a friendly friend.
Next time don't put up with it.. just leave them to make their plans or invite yourself- ask 'so where are we going'-Then again maybe my view comes from a victim perspective so take it as opinion.
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