wingcharm you make a lot of sense, seriously. unfortunately I am a loner in all my classes so I know how that girl feels (the one you were writing about earlier).
wingcharm you make a lot of sense, seriously. unfortunately I am a loner in all my classes so I know how that girl feels (the one you were writing about earlier).
Thank you txjeepin
yeah! I can relate to her that's why I want to be her friend.... but then I sometimes wonder if she really wanted to have a friend or maybe she just wants to be alone. And I don't wanna be too persistent if she doesn't really like it.
Anyway, one time she approached me and borrowed a "jobseek newspaper" I bought (which is surprising because she doesn't approach my other classmates). Unfortuantely, that was the last time I saw her, she stopped attending our speech class and they wondered why.
But for me, maybe she found a job after she borrowed it from me. Well, I'm happy for her if that's the case. But I won't be able to know her better now.
What have I done???! I sent my resume online yesterday and applied to several companies and now they all want me to come for an interview tomorrow!!! What the heck??? What am I going to do??? And what's worse is, I promised all of them that I could come tomorrow! But how could I possibly do that????! Some of them have the same schedules and I didn't even bothered to change my schedule because I was too overwhelmed!
Somebody please tell me that I am stupid! because I am!
Now I don't know if I still want to proceed tomorrow.... but then all I have done will be such a waste if I wouldn't come! But then i don't really know how to go to those locations and I don't wanna bother my Dad to come with me!
So what am I going to do?
I haven't expected that they'll contact me this early at the same time! I am doomed!
Yea, i know what you're thinking, it's Aug 27th and this moron is posting this bloggish kind of msg now??? Truth is, i couldnt help but write about the stuff i experienced 2 days ago... I was looking for a way to express these feelings as i couldnt express them to anybody else as well as i could by writing them down and that too on the best website i've ever visited (Now that's saying something!!!) hee hee... Okay, so it all started last friday when i suddenly came to know i was supposed to go with my senior at the office where i work... we were both going to go on Monday for a client visit... I like her very very much cos she's got a gr8 personality and she's got this elder sisterish kind of attitude with me which makes me whack!!! hee hee... * nervous laughter*... I went to her house in the morning, feeling rather scared and tiny... I'm a guy and that too 23 years and counting...Still, Social anxiety makes me feel inferior to other people especially near smart, together and caring women... She fits the description perfectly... I stood near her house scared to go in... trying to muster the courage to be like a junior friend to her, a little brother so to speak... She looked out the balcony and told me to come up... She had this really super kool pose and she talks to me at random, surprisingly i was wonderfully open to her as well.. i said things so freely in such a relaxed manner... i've never seen myself this carefree before... She gave me tea and while i drank we continued talking... i told her some problems i had come up with and she guided me like an expert... she's 26 so she's got the perfect elder sister attitude anybody would want... Then we went in her air conditioned automatic car to the client... i told her about the problems i had faced at high school, the way i was abused and emotionally tortured... I had always dreamed of talking like that with her but i was always very scared she'll dump me and i'll be doomed for good... She wore dark sun glasses while we talked in the car... At the clients' place we had coffee and we were in a separate room all by ourselves... She was Terrific at the conversation part, she gave me some solid tips and tightened up my loose screws... She told me she had once performed in fornt of a 1000 people back in school and said the only way to overcome my anxiety was to face my fears.... she agreed on the taking baby steps part... but siad i had to keep at it and be friendly towards people... She gave me one of her song recordings on my mobile before we left... i listen to it every night before sleeping... I laso thank God every day for this truly amazing experience... I hope to carry this forward.. i LOVED this experience and it was the best day of my life so far... I'd cried so hard for a friend after all the abuse and i feel that it was worth the wait after getting to know this wonderful friend of mine, my Elder sister, my best friend...
LOL! Actually, my first reaction was.... "Oh! My God, someone replied to me with this long post!" and I was really anxious that it's some kind of a hate letter telling me to stop posting a journal msg.
Anyway, I'm really glad that you've chosen this thread to share your great experience.
I'm really happy for you
real friends do come when you least expect it.
By the way, this is very sweet...
Quote:
She gave me one of her song recordings on my mobile before we left... i listen to it every night before sleeping...
And you know what? Aug. 25 is actually my birthday and reading this post made this day more special for me. (and i bet for you too, now!)
PS.
Quote:
Yea, i know what you're thinking, it's Aug 27th and this moron is posting this bloggish kind of msg now???
I don't really mind. And don't hesitate to post here again if you feel that you just wanna write something but doesn't know where to put it.
Thank you so much Wingcharm... I'm sorry i've been obssessed with my own feelings... i'll read the stuff you posted on this thread and i'll come up with my own comments to make you feel good... I'm just getting into the SAD mode once again... story of my life i guess...
Thank you so much Wingcharm... I'm sorry i've been obssessed with my own feelings... i'll read the stuff you posted on this thread and i'll come up with my own comments to make you feel good... I'm just getting into the SAD mode once again... story of my life i guess...
It's really ok Ck23
And please don't feel obliged to comment on my post.
Just comment to me if you really want to.
I'm sorry that you're in SAD mode again. You might want to share your feelings if you want. And I won't care if you're being obssessed with your feelings because as you can see... I do too.
After all, I believe that it's better to let it out and write all our feelings
than just hide it. And writing is a good therapy.
Your words definitely make me feel comfortable... and NO WAY i was first gonna comment on a post of yours before i went further... I read the one about your silent class mate... i totally relate to that... i was an exact mirror image of that girl back in high school... and worse was the fact that the rowdy boys there used to knock me around like a football for fun... i was a shattered teenager when i finished that torturous period... This is a really kool idea of yours... this blog like thread you've started... And you're spot on when you say writing is good theraphy... that is just what i think too...
I woke up late for work on Tuesday... the truly amazing time i'd had the previous day with my big sister (A.K.A my office senior or colleague) had left me in kind of a daze when i returned in the evening...I mean there i was thinking how lucky others were who had visited her and opened up to her and i just kept hoping and hoping i might get to be a little brother to her and improve on my confidence..And now, i had actually been to her house and spent an entire day with her... She hadnt been annoyed with me, and she seemed like she liked me.... I was on a high the next day... but still SA kicked into gear again as i went to the office...hurtful thoughts entered my mind again, 'Okay, so you spent a day with her, gives her all the more reason to kick you in the ass and stay away from you and you're a loner and you've opened up to her... she isnt happy about that, she'll avoid you cos of it you jackass...why the hell did you do it... Then she came to the office later than she usually does... head strong, walking smartly to her room, bold and energetic... She logged in on her msn and i felt like someone had knocked the wind out of my stomach... i said hi and hoped she'd reply... she didnt let me say much... and i waited obediently for her to msg me again.. but then she left for lunch and waved to me..the whole day passed when she came back... there wasnt any real work in the office that day so she came back when it was almost time to go... I couldnt bring myself to go to her and talk... scared that i might lose her and slip into a coma... i thought she'd glare at me and tell me to stop bothering her...so i hesitated and just stayed in my seat... Eventually i made an excuse to drink water and prayed she'd be there... she was there when i went she was having some coffee and then i couldnt take it any longer and i had to ask her how her day had been... what comforted me then was the magnificent time i had had with her yesterday... I felt like my voice was bolder and when that was mixed with my empathy and care i felt over the moon... I Felt like i would break myself if i ever disappointed her... then it was all back to square one... home, with no firends to talk to, cousins who had thrown me 10 feet in deep water when i needed them... just plain old me going through life, thanking God for giving me a super kool friend and begging Him not to take her away from me...
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