Thanks, i would never find the words to describe it so well.
Thanks Heh, if only it were as easy to be eloquent in verbal conversations as it is in written ones. Face to face, SA kicks in and I'm often reduced to "um, it's like, yeah... cool."
_________________ When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 4:56 am Post subject: lots of things
I fear groups of people much more than just being in a "one-on-one" conversation.
I especially hate it when someone says something that causes others to laugh and I don't find it funny, but I feel like I have to laugh because everyone else is laughing. I often wonder if others can tell I am "fake laughing." Even if I would normally consider what was said to be funny, sometimes I am so anxious from the SA, that funny comments don't even register, so no matter what I am fake laughing. I have tried not laughing, and I feel awkward. I feel like everyone is thinking "He has no sense of humour," or "He's too stupid to get it," or the classic "He's weird."
Because of this, I usually try to keep conversations with acquaintances and co-workers on a "serious" level, even though I have a great sense of humour with my close friends and family.
I also don't think it is necessarily a "fear" of people (even though it is called Social Phobia). I think, on some level, I sort of hate people. Not every person of course, but the majority of people. I always expect them to be sensitive and empathetic and they always let me down.
Sometimes I feel like my weirdness/weakness can be spotted a mile away and that some people take this as a cue to take advantage of me or ignore me or not take me seriously.
Sometimes I intentionally say weird, off-color things to people (especially my co-workers) just to let them know that I am as not as weak as they may think.
Posted: Sun May 04, 2008 10:42 am Post subject: Re: lots of things
dpr wrote:
I especially hate it when someone says something that causes others to laugh and I don't find it funny, but I feel like I have to laugh because everyone else is laughing. I often wonder if others can tell I am "fake laughing." Even if I would normally consider what was said to be funny, sometimes I am so anxious from the SA, that funny comments don't even register, so no matter what I am fake laughing. I have tried not laughing, and I feel awkward. I feel like everyone is thinking "He has no sense of humour," or "He's too stupid to get it," or the classic "He's weird."
This reminded me of an incident a few years ago when I was getting my hair cut in a small salon. As it was a tiny room the staff were chatting to each other while they cut hair and at first I was trying to listen but as they carried on ignoring me I got bored and just daydreamed. At one point they all started laughing and I felt a bit silly just sitting there so I laughed too. They all looked at me and one asked "did you get that joke?" I felt a bit nonplussed and just nodded, wondering if they thought I looked too stupid to get a joke... it wasn't until they looked at each other strangely that I realised it must've been an in-joke between them that I couldn't have possibly understood After that they treated me a bit oddly, as if I were slightly retarded. The thing is, if they hadn't been being so rude and ignoring their customer, I wouldn't have zoned out in the first place! Needless to say I haven't been back... but now I try not to laugh unless I know what I'm laughing at!
_________________ When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
Thanks Heh, if only it were as easy to be eloquent in verbal conversations as it is in written ones. Face to face, SA kicks in and I'm often reduced to "um, it's like, yeah... cool."
haha- yeah, my god, you said it. I find it so irritating that just being in the proximity of some people totally inhibits your vocabulary and ease of expression. What sometimes works to overcome it is to just say nothing, 'sit back' and allow yourself to be comfortable in the silence for a while- as though you feel no pressure to say anything at all. Sometimes this frees you up enough for normal thoughts to come and unimpeded words to flow.
Fear of rejection and humiliation; fear of other people's behaviour confirming the inner voice that tells me I'm inadequate, awkward, boring and pointless. Fear of exposure to their scrutiny and of being found amusing, pitiable or worst of all, unworthy of their attention.
Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:40 am Post subject: Re: lots of things
princess_haru wrote:
This reminded me of an incident a few years ago when I was getting my hair cut in a small salon. As it was a tiny room the staff were chatting to each other while they cut hair and at first I was trying to listen but as they carried on ignoring me I got bored and just daydreamed. At one point they all started laughing and I felt a bit silly just sitting there so I laughed too. They all looked at me and one asked "did you get that joke?" I felt a bit nonplussed and just nodded, wondering if they thought I looked too stupid to get a joke... it wasn't until they looked at each other strangely that I realised it must've been an in-joke between them that I couldn't have possibly understood After that they treated me a bit oddly, as if I were slightly retarded. The thing is, if they hadn't been being so rude and ignoring their customer, I wouldn't have zoned out in the first place! Needless to say I haven't been back... but now I try not to laugh unless I know what I'm laughing at!
Wow... that would have sucked. But you're right, if they hadn't ignored you, you wouldn't have zoned out.
That's a good point though, I never though of that happening. It's a good reason to not laugh unless you really want to.
But it takes a lot to make me laugh. I think people would definitely think I'm a humorless weirdo. Ah well... might as well be me.
Joined: Apr 07, 2008 Posts: 56 Location: 19/m/North Shore, MA
Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:45 am Post subject:
Kien wrote:
I fear big self confident people. I ofte feel that I want to shoot them with an automatic grenade launcher.
Uggh, I know what you mean...Like when someone who is a bit TOO comfortable in their own skin is being loud, obnoxious, in your face and loving it! I really dislike when people get in my face for any reason unless I am really close with them. IDK thats just what I thought of when I read your comment!
_________________ Whoever battles with monsters had better see that it does not turn him into a monster. And if you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 6:35 pm Post subject: Re: lots of things
dpr wrote:
Wow... that would have sucked. But you're right, if they hadn't ignored you, you wouldn't have zoned out.
Yeah, damn them! *aims a bitch slap at each of their faces*
It definitely helps to talk about this stuff. People who don't have SA might see it as trivial stuff and tell us to "get over it" (I really hate hearing that!) but when you're already nervous and low in confidence it's a terrible thing to have someone treat you differently, look at you strangely or laugh at you behind your back.
_________________ When you're strange
Faces come out of the rain
When you're strange
No one remembers your name
Joined: May 06, 2008 Posts: 139 Location: Brisbane, Australia
Posted: Thu May 08, 2008 12:17 am Post subject:
For me it is the fear of blushing I think it caused of social phobia not the other way around because life before blushing was good.
I've recently been to a psychiatrist and been given the tools (in other words meds) to tackle my problem. I got given Zyprexa, Lexapro, Inderal, Xanax and Valium. Hopefully being full of meds will do the trick, only time will tell
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Heh, if only it were as easy to be eloquent in verbal conversations as it is in written ones. Face to face, SA kicks in and I'm often reduced to "um, it's like, yeah... cool." 
After that they treated me a bit oddly, as if I were slightly retarded. The thing is, if they hadn't been being so rude and ignoring their customer, I wouldn't have zoned out in the first place! Needless to say I haven't been back... but now I try not to laugh unless I know what I'm laughing at!
