My life is a waste and lonely!

misternobody · Newbie User Joined: Mar 24, 2008 Posts: 7

I am new here to posting but have been reading here for some time and, I must say it is good to know I am not alone in how I feel.

I am 45 and,I am a total nobody, am so alone always and have no friends and have always been made fun of . Made fun of in school, in jobs and even when I go to the store and let me tell you, when you are made fun of, it ruins your day and days that come because allI do is think of what this or that person said and stuff.

And why is it that its always everyone else who is a real somebody and they have tons and tons of friends and are always wanted and are so well liked?

For me, its like I have-bad-luck always with me and things just never go good for me and life is just always the same boring thing day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year .

I am alone in everything and, I always wish I could have friends,people who are sincere and real and accept me. People in this life are so very hurtful and cruel. I am ignored allways,as if I am not alive.

So, in my case, it does not matter if I am living or dead, I would not be missed at all as I serve nor purpose at all, its like I am a total waste and,I truly believe I am.

I hardly go out as I am always so nervous and uncomfortable where people are. This all comes from being made fun of I know and, its like when I go out, I also, for some reason must appear real nervous and look as if I am going to steal.I know others of you here also have said this same thing and, just because we are nervous when out ,people think we will steal. So, like when in the store, even old ladies or younger ones,when they see you walking closer to where they are, they then grab their purse and, this really makes me feel awful. And then also, even when I am looking at something in the stores, and that is mainly DVDs, the stupid workers will make some stupid excuse to go right close to where I am and act like they are doing something, but are really keeping an eye on me and, this makes me not want to buy anything and I get all uncomfortable and stuff.

And then when I go to leave a store without buying, then I feel all nervous as if they all think I have stole something.

I am a very honest person and everything but, I just have this look to me cause I am nervous and have anxiety problems and all and so, they think I am stealing Sad

Why is it nothing can ever go good for me? Its always these very nervous and uncomfortable things for me always and, I am so sick of my life always and forever being the way it is.

If only people could be kind and friendly . it seems to be that there are way more mean and hurtful people out there then there are friendly and kind ones.

It seems that no matter where I go, I end up with the hurtful unkind people Sad

I am sure there are many others here who are the very same way I am and feel the same way.

And oh, I always never have had a girlfriend, and, its always been just a one way thing where I like a girl but of course the girl does not like me or even know I am alive. I tell you,I relate so much to Charlie Brown in so many ways or is it he relates to me? I could be his double because like him, I always have the bad luck and all things bad.

I wish I had a girlfriend and one who had things in common with me but, that aint ever gonna happen. I figure at this point in my life, since I never had one, I won't ever. I am not a people person at all and I am sure you can understand why. When you are hurt so much by people in your life, you do not want anything to do with them. Being alone is so lonely but,at least I can be comfortable and not nervous and everything but, when I do go out to the store, I am nervous and uncomfortable and, I have to say again I HATE how those in the store think I am going to steal. What am I supposed to do, go in the store with a smile on my face the whole time so I maybe would not look all nervous and stuff? I wouldjust look real stupid with this smile on my face and so that would not help. Why is it I cannot be accepted? WHY is it always everyone else that is but not me??

And oh, those in the family, yes they all are somebodys, they are married and have kids and their kids are somebodys who have jobs and kids and all and they are total somebodies and have friends.

WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO ARE THE ONES WHO ARE REAL SOMEBODYS?!!!

Also, when going out to the stores, people always have someone with them, while I am always alone Sad

This life I have sucks so much and many times I have thought of ending it all but I am too chicken.

This boring life I have is like watching the same movie over and over and over again, its just the same boring and depressing thing over and over and over.

And also, all I look forward to Monday thru Saturday is the mail, and I have been this way since I was a teen and, all I ever do is get disapointed as I never get anything and this is because its like I do not exist and when you do not exist, of course NOTHING ever happens for you or comes.

So, each day when the mail comes, all that will come is the stupid junk and I rip it up real good and swear because I get so mad that I never get anything and of course, what could I ever get? NOTHING when you are a nobody.

Does anyone here wish as I do that, our lives were opposite so that then, we would be somebodys, have tons of friends, be wanted, people liked us and never made fun of us? God I have wished this for years and years. I about cry (I am very sensitive and emotional) when I see so many people who are all happy and have kids and so well liked and everything cause I wish that was me.

Again I must ask: WHY IS IT ALWAYS EVERYONE ELSE WHO HAS THE GOOD LIFE AND ALL THINGS GO GOOD FOR THEM AND ARE POPULAR AND SO WELL LIKED??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And also why is it when in the stores, all others shopping ,none of the workers seem to look at them and go near them thinking they will steal? WHY is it just always me it seems they are watching?!!!!

I tell you, I cannot take anymore of this rotten life I have, I just wanna get out of this life so much. Whats the point of living when its always this same thing all the time?!!

But anyways, I just wanted to talk of all this and,I am sure there are some of you reading this who will I am sure feel the same exact way I do and,perhaps you are my double. I always wish I could know others who are like me in all this.

Thanks for reading my words.

MisterNobody

Richey · Expert User Joined: Sep 28, 2005 Posts: 776

You need to find a purpose to keep going, and it doesnt have to be based on ONLY your feeling of loneliness and not having people around you thus giving you a reason to live, for instance your hobbies or a career purpose, develop interests for you, not for trying to look cool to show off, which alot of people adhere to, they react to society like sheep, they wear the same clothes, watch the same films, go to the same take away food outlets, follow whats in fashion, thats not thinking for themselves is it? no way ..

start marching to the beat of your own drum and people will want to talk to you because they'll know your confident in yourself ...

simply get out and about more too, and exercise often ...

this will help you out dramatically. ..

experiment and stay positive, dont fear rejection, its all you can do and it'll be painful ..but isnt being immobile from SA painful enough? which pain would you rather feel? ever burnt yourself with a hot iron? its searing pain right? ...experiment with pain, does pain from a hot oven differ from being hit over the head with bowling pin? ......

there are pleasurable and unpleasurable pains and you can equate this to interacting with people, sometimes awkwardness can be painful ..

a new world record in the amount times a person says "pain" in a sentence i ask you? well, indeed. Razz

bimbo45 · Newbie User Joined: Nov 12, 2005 Posts: 64

SocialRetahd · Expert User Joined: Dec 02, 2006 Posts: 762

If I were 45 and still the way I am, I would be angry not sad. I sort of envy older people (60's 70's) because their life is almost over and no longer has to get kicked around by this superficial world.

whocares · Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 12:05 am Post subject:

YOU ARE DOING IT COMPLETELY WRONG!! You have a completely distorted vision of reality and that self commiseration won't get you nowhere either. First you say you're completely invisible, then you say everybody looks at you when you go shopping, how realistic is this?

First, recognize that your perception of reality is biased by AS;
Second, fuel some self esteem and assertiveness;

Then we can talk about changing life.

scyth · Posted: Tue Mar 25, 2008 10:37 pm Post subject:

Depressed4life · Posted: Wed Mar 26, 2008 12:23 am Post subject: ..

First i would like to say...WELCOME. I understand how you feel, i am 16 years old and i feel the same way. I am a senior in HS and nobody knows me, people easily forget who i am and don't take me seriously. I never fit in with anybody...NEVER. Not in elementary school(when i developed SAD), not in junior high and definately not in HIGH SCHOOL. I always wanted to fit in, have a lot of friends, cool clothes and have a GOOD LIFE. I could had good clothes but my father is pretty cheap(long story) although he has enough money so that my family and i could had been living LARGER THAN LIFE...but he is an A$$Hole. I feel like my life is completely wasted because there was so many things i wanted to accomplish when i was younger and now is too late. I am just ready and waiting to d i e, i don't want to live anymore because to me life has no purpose....NONE. I will always hold a grudge agaisnt my mother for giving everything to her grandkids,brothers,sisters and her 3 daughters that are abroad. I will always hold a grudge against my dad for giving me this horrible life and for not being a good father. I am really sorry that you feel the way you do, I really hope everything gets better. If we could had traded life, i would have trade it with you so that you can be 16 and start all over. Smile

. I am sorry if my post is so negative but i had to let that out. Plus i am a very very negative person...LIFE made me this way.

creep_x · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 10, 2008 Posts: 118

Mrnobody, i just sincerely wish i cud do somethiing for u. But if i cud, i wud also hav done it for myself, wudnt i? Maybe u shud see a doc? maybe go to a dating agency? i think scyth made a vlid point when he said that u shud try to meet SA ppl from ur area. They will surely understand u. Maybe u can also try to find a hobby?

_________________
You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything

creep_x · Intermediate User Joined: Mar 10, 2008 Posts: 118

& u just can't let ppl make fun of u. U gotta fight them back. The more u remain silent, the more they'll keep on doing it. U just don't have any other choice but to stand up for urself.

_________________
You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything

miss_amy · Intermediate User Joined: Nov 21, 2007 Posts: 250

You are not a nobody and I'll be your friend. Your post is so sad and I'd give you a big hug if I could. You'll have to make do with a virtual one (((big hug))) I'm not quite as isolated as you but I really do understand where you are coming from and a lot of what you say. Even though I do have a partner and kids I still feel useless and like I don't deserve them.

Stay with us and chat and vent. It helps.