Do you believe your parents helped develop social anxiety?

villacjs · Posted: Sun May 18, 2008 4:44 am Post subject:

Gee there are some tough stories on here. Thank God I come from a fairly happy family situation. Did my parents help develop of SA? Maybe just a bit. My mum and to a lesser extent my dad were over protective of me. At 16-18 I should have been going to parties and the like but their fear of alcohol and its problems made sure I never went to any parties until my friends' 21st birthdays come around.

However, I believe my SA is just genetics with bad luck. The thing that caused my SA was blushing 'at the drop of a hat' my mum also had a blushing problem when she was younger.. I also think I should have been given drugs (SSRIs) back in highschool when my SA was really bad, a real lost opportunity when I look back. Anyhow, at 22 overcoming SA when you have had it for 10 years is going to be tough.

Caseums21 · Intermediate User Joined: Jan 06, 2008 Posts: 115

Yesterday, I went to see my mom after not seeing her in a long time. Her boyfriend and brother were there. After the two of them left, she fought with me. I had an attack (after not having one in months) and I drove home right after. She is definitely a part of it because she yells at me for everything I do. Now I feel like no matter what I do, I'm doing it wrong. I just need to move to get away from all of this.

xMagicWorks · Newbie User Joined: May 18, 2008 Posts: 14

I don't believe my parents are the actual cause of my SA, but they might (I say might as I'm not quite sure) have helped fueling it with brushing it away as shyness that they believed would go away.

They haven't been particularely overprotective or 'underprotective,' so that doesen't have anything to do with it. Actually, I think they have managed parenting quite well!

Genetics however, I beleve plays a big part. My grandmoter on my mum's side is very quiet, and she has always been shy. My mother was also shy when she was little, but she grew out of it quickly. So, yeah, it's mainly genetics for me.

toothpastekisses · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 9:52 am Post subject:

HHzapp · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 12:47 pm Post subject:

I don't hate my parents, but I kinda feel they've contributed to me not being able to socialize normally and being shy.
For a start, when I was a kid I wasn't allowed to do anything, pretty much. There was this one time when I went out trick or treating at halloween (must have been about 9 or 10 at the time) and my mum actually let me go, to my surprise. She said not to go out the street, and so I didn't so I didn't cause any rows. My friend said she heard someone following us and I told her to ignore it but we kept hearing footsteps behind us. It was my mum spying on us. I was really angry 'cause it shows she just didn't trust me and was overprotecting me.
My dad always had fights with me... one minute everything would be okay but the next, he would insult me and totally take the piss. He would call me a goth 'cause I had black hair and insist that I was a waste of space. He beat me up quite a lot aswell... whenever I had my own opinions I would be told that they were worthless and no one cared and that I should 'shut the fuck up.'
And to top it all off, I've been an only child all my life and my parents have no friends.
I think most of this stuff's made my life a bit screwed up in a way.
I'm 17 soon, and the funny thing is, they've laid off of most things now... like I can go out when I want but because they left it for so long, like not being allowed to friend's houses and sleepovers and staying out late, I don't know how the fuck to socialise.
One thing that really annoys me is that my dad is a shy kind of person and whenever I try to be loud and outgoing he just makes fun of me and says I'm making a fool out of myself and that I'm trying too hard.

hippiechild · Newbie User Joined: Oct 31, 2007 Posts: 43 Location: Ohio

I think so, not that my parents did anything bad. They basically taught me to be reclusive because that's the way that they were.
If there was a (1st grade birthday)party they might say, "yeah, but there could be mean people at the party, people could do bad things. Wouldn't you rather just go over to your friend's house?" They taught me to be afraid of many things.

I also observed a lot of social phobia as a child. My parents NEVER would go out to eat, parties, invited over people and sometimes they would avoid meetings at work. At times they would show up to the meetings late and leave early, just to avoid the "down time" that would inevitably involve small talk.
Once they drove to a meeting, but called us before they even went in. They said that they couldn't go to the meeting because their car broke down(doors wouldn't respond to buttons on the key and they had to use the real key) and they came home Sad

tpdarlo · Posted: Tue May 20, 2008 2:19 pm Post subject:

My therapist told me SA is almost always hereditary. My father is anti-social and so was his father, so yes I attribute my SA to my parents most definitely.