Posted: Thu Jul 24, 2008 9:35 am Post subject: Re: That's RUDE..
Yay4Cats wrote:
I know. I always thought it was so rude for people to say something about someone being shy! Its something negative that you already know about yourself. I dont know why people think its ok. I mean think about.. what other negative trait is socially acceptable to call people out on? Your not allowed to be like "Oh he is so fat he needs to work on losing weight" Do you see what I mean? So why is this like one of the only negative traits you are allowed to say about someone right in fron of them? Oh, and right away too.. like if you don't even know the person! Also when people introduce you to someone and they say something about you being shy. Like one time my friend told me she was introduced to a kid and the lady inroducing him was like "its ok he's shy too" Am I the only one who thinks this is rude? Being shy should be an unspoken truth just like being fat, conceited, bossy, ect.
LOL Sorry if this sound like a rant, but it pisses me off.
I don't really consider it negative. I've always thought of quiet or shy people as smart. I guess that's kind of prejudice, kind of like how one might think of people with glasses as smart. I don't know why, I just do.
But really, what is wrong with being shy? I know for a fact, some people find it cute, endearing, interesting, etc.
I do think it is rude and insensitive for people to say "You're so shy," but let's face it. Extroverts are dumb and don't know any better, and it's probably just their way of trying to get you to open up because they truly want to get to know you. They just go about it the wrong way, but you can't really blame them. There is no handbook, like "How To Deal With Shy People."
Maybe he has another definition for shy. If it's not affecting your life in a negative way and you're just a quiet and calm person, then no, there is nothing wrong. It's even good, indeed!
But really, what is wrong with being shy? I know for a fact, some people find it cute, endearing, interesting, etc.
Everything is wrong with it. It limits every option you have in life. You have read the forum, right?
Well it does if you let it, right?
when it gets to the point of being debilitating and interferes with everyday life, then yeah, it sucks. I guess what I meant was: Why does it have to be considered a negative trait?
I think maybe if we thought of our shyness or SP as just part of who we are instead of something that needs to be conquered or eliminated, than it may cease to be as big a deal to us as it once was.
I find arrogance to be a lot more annoying of a trait in a person than shyness.
Also, I think a lot of the "outsiders," the people we interact with don't necessarily perceive it as negative. Like I said, some may find it endearing. Just because we perceive it negatively, does not mean our peers do. They may think our untalkativeness (is that a word?) represents intelligence or maturity. They may think that our blushing is cute or shows our sensitive side in a good way.
Of course they don't know the whole story, that inside, we perceive our shyness negatively and feel that our untalkativeness and/or blushing are signs of weakness.
And of course there is a world of difference between "being shy" and having social phobia, IMO
I guess what I meant was that the condition itself is not bad, it's our interpretation of its effect on our lives that makes it bad. Others interpretations may not necessarily be negative.
Most of us don't have this opportunity and never will, so use it to try and "break out of your shell". In fact, most of us are dying for an opportunity like this. And as has been said, no one finds shyness a negative trait. We hate it because it debilitates us, but everyone else finds it endearing and cute, as dpr said. It doesn't hurt them, it just hurts us, so why would they hate it?
And don't say extroverts are dumb. Those girls probably find him interesting and want to get to know him, and are genuinely trying to do him a favour, as they don't understand the seriousness of the problem.
Most of us don't have this opportunity and never will, so use it to try and "break out of your shell". In fact, most of us are dying for an opportunity like this. And as has been said, no one finds shyness a negative trait. We hate it because it debilitates us, but everyone else finds it endearing and cute, as dpr said. It doesn't hurt them, it just hurts us, so why would they hate it?
And don't say extroverts are dumb. Those girls probably find him interesting and want to get to know him, and are genuinely trying to do him a favour, as they don't understand the seriousness of the problem.
yeah i know, i shouldn't have said "dumb." it's just that they don't know how to deal with shy people, so they just approach it instinctually by saying stuff like "Come on, talk!" which of course just makes it worse. They just don't know any better.
mann, i know how that feels, most girls treat me like a kid , i guesse it because they know im shy person cause im very awkward around them and everyone pretty much.
Those people who keeps on commenting about a person's shyness are either:
1. interested to that shy person and he/she wants to get to know him'her better
or
2. That person was just an arrogant, insecure fella, who just wants to hide his/her insecurities by acting superior to a silent/shy person.
PS but you see, shyness shouldn't really be a big deal as long as it's not that extreme! I mean, if a talkative person is accepatble, why not shy people? That is life! And those person who discriminates shy people are just plain dumb!
Hi there (I'm new, not sure whether I'm social phobic or just shy but that's for another thread)
Sounds to me like they're just trying to help. I'd LOVE to be in a situation like that to be honest... a bit of a nudge from someone who cares would go a long way when opportunities arise for meeting people (especially the opposite sex). Most people just accept it as a fact that you're shy, some even take advantage of it (perhaps not intentionally) as a way to appear more prominent themselves.
I'm trying to improve, but it'd be so much easier and generally nicer with a helping hand from someone who actually wants to help make it happen.
Take advantage of it, I would The more you reject help from others, the less likely they will be there to help out when you change your mind. I speak (type) from experience.
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The more you reject help from others, the less likely they will be there to help out when you change your mind. I speak (type) from experience.