Really sorry to hear what has been happening to you and that I haven't been online to this last 24 hours to help. I've left you a longer message. I'm really glad you were locked out of your car and that your friend was there for you. Hope things get better for you soon- I honestly think that they could. Maybe not perfect but I think with your caring personality and talent with words you have so much going for you. I know life must feel unbearable for you at times but I would urge you not to take those pills. Hope things get more bearable soon.
"I know if I do something rash it will hurt my family greatly, but I'm hurting them in life as well."
If you are "hurting" them now, then that means they really care about you. If they didn't love you so much then they wouldn't care. They would rather you hurt them while you are alive because that hurt is easier to recover. If you died, they would never recover and neither would you.
Death is a huge step and shouldn't be an option. Everything will be okay, just give it time and you have to make the changes too.
Please message back and let everyone know how you are doing.
It is a very touching story my brother. I have also been a same road as you. When i was 18 i was expelled from school my mom was so mad she slapped me and kick me out the house. The reason i got expelled out of school was because i didn't show up to school, because of my SA. Like you i had no place to go. I went to the library wrote my good bye letters. I had a friend at that time, but i didn't know where he lived. I didn't know where to go, so I got in the subway and finally in the bus. The bus was empty I was the only person riding it. I remember this clearly the bus driver said to me "This is it buddy end of the road". I honestly didn't know where i was the. There were houses with their light off everyone was sleeping. There was i alone on the street walking and going no were. I walked for about six hour i was tired and exhausted. Finally, I reached a bridge I looked down I really wanted to jump to get it over with, but some reason I couldn't. I went home my mom was happy that I was a life she took me home with open arms.
I have tried many time to ***** and every time I have failed. Knowing that you can't ***** forces you to find the solution to the problem. I am at the point of my life were I will do anything to get over my SA. I have make significant progress. What I am saying is that the darkest moments are what are ultimately will define us. You are not lost cause or a failure. Remember their is always darkness before the light.
you didn't cause your SA, but its your responsibilty to find a cure.
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