I think it would be the best feeling in life to have a kid with someone you love,but I dont think I will ever have one,I am also afraid he/she will inherit my problems and I dont want that to anyone specially my son/daughter...so I pick -I'm not sure.
Joined: Aug 17, 2007 Posts: 1301 Location: Wales, UK
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 1:17 pm Post subject:
No! And the reason why is because the world is such a dark place(war, murder,drugs,rape etc) it's unfair to let children grow up in here. Another reason is because i would be a terrible role model; I would never want any child to have the same insecurities as i have, and also for financial reasons.
Joined: Jun 04, 2008 Posts: 251 Location: The heart of the sun
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 1:52 pm Post subject:
Frist of all, I apologize for getting extremely defensive on this topic but it is something I am very sensitive about. I am 25 years old, happily married, with a beautiful son, Hayden. There is nothing in the world I would change about my loving family, my husband supports my social anxiety in every way and my son, so far, hasn't shown any signs of social anxiety because I am seeking therapy and introducing him to social situations with children and doing the best I can to make sure he feels happy, secure and loved. Just because someone has social anxiety doesn't mean they shouldn't have children. To say that you don't want to bring a child in to this messed up world or for them to feel messed up like you do is just a really negative outlook on life and not everyone with SA feels this way. To me, this world isn't really that bad, there are a lot of things that make me happy and a lot of things about myself I love, and you should too. Maybe if these things changed about yourself you would change your opinion some day. Maybe not. But the point is that an SA sufferer is capable of being a great parent. Nobody is perfect but there is hope for everyone, regardless of what our problems are. If you choose not to have children that is OK, but sometimes what you say may be offensive to people who are raising children and suffering from this disease, because it is hard for any parent. If we give our children unconditional love and encouragement they will always respect us, our children won't hate us for things we can't help, unless we are bad parents. I send this message out to anyone who has children or is thinking of having children. There is hope for you, and I know you can be a great parent no matter what anyone says, you just have to believe in yourself.
_________________ I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.
I have a little one... A son who is 20 months old. He is truly the light of my life. I can't even begin to express in words how amazing it is to have a child of your own... I just know that he means more to me than anything in the world, that his joy and happiness is more important than my own, and that in my darkest moments, he always gives me reason to live.
Is it hard, though? Yes. In the beginning, when he was really little, it actually wasn't. Parenting comes very naturally to me. But last fall I got hit with a huge depression that really hasn't worn off, so getting off my butt to do anything is really hard, and add to that the fact that I really want to socialize him yet simply can't for the life of be "click" with any other moms out there... Yes, it's hard.
I set 3 goals for myself a few months back... One was to set the timer and clean for 15 minutes per day, one was to cook something each day (even if it's something simple) and the last was to go out of my way to do something fun with him each day... I have pretty much stuck it out with the last one because no matter how low I am, I know he deserves it... So we go to the park and the farm and the zoo all the time, and on rainy days we do messy art and things, and so in the end, while I'm maybe not as good as other moms at providing certain things (socialization, a clean home, fancy meals...) I know I go above and beyond at giving him others... and I know that he will always feel loved, at least by me.
But all that said, I really want to give him a sibling someday, for his sake more than for mine, but I wrestle with that a lot... It feels so important and yet I don't want to push myself over the edge, because another child will mean more stress... Hopefully I can get better soon and things will be okay...
Joined: Jun 04, 2008 Posts: 251 Location: The heart of the sun
Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 7:37 pm Post subject:
VioletTears wrote:
I have a little one... A son who is 20 months old. He is truly the light of my life. I can't even begin to express in words how amazing it is to have a child of your own... I just know that he means more to me than anything in the world, that his joy and happiness is more important than my own, and that in my darkest moments, he always gives me reason to live.
Is it hard, though? Yes. In the beginning, when he was really little, it actually wasn't. Parenting comes very naturally to me. But last fall I got hit with a huge depression that really hasn't worn off, so getting off my butt to do anything is really hard, and add to that the fact that I really want to socialize him yet simply can't for the life of be "click" with any other moms out there... Yes, it's hard.
I set 3 goals for myself a few months back... One was to set the timer and clean for 15 minutes per day, one was to cook something each day (even if it's something simple) and the last was to go out of my way to do something fun with him each day... I have pretty much stuck it out with the last one because no matter how low I am, I know he deserves it... So we go to the park and the farm and the zoo all the time, and on rainy days we do messy art and things, and so in the end, while I'm maybe not as good as other moms at providing certain things (socialization, a clean home, fancy meals...) I know I go above and beyond at giving him others... and I know that he will always feel loved, at least by me.
But all that said, I really want to give him a sibling someday, for his sake more than for mine, but I wrestle with that a lot... It feels so important and yet I don't want to push myself over the edge, because another child will mean more stress... Hopefully I can get better soon and things will be okay...
Here is my little boy:)
your little boy is so beautiful. He looks so happy. I bet you're a great Mommy
_________________ I want ecstasy. I am a neurotic — in the sense that I live in my world. I will not adjust myself to the world. I am adjusted to myself.
I definitely want to have children someday, but I just can't see it happening. I don't think anything will quite change your life like having a child, for better or for worse. But it seems like so many of us with social anxiety will never have that big of a change in our lives.
Awww, thanks, SleepySparrow:) I'm sure that you are, too.
I think that one possitive is that we tend to have this knack for analyzing what people are thinking and feeling, which isn't so good when we use it to fuel our paranoia about what people might think of US, but it can actually be a good thing as a parent. It helps us to be more sensitive and responsive to our children's emotions.
i agree whole heartedly with everything sleepysparrow said!
i want to have children someday, obviously when im more emotionally and financially stable, i have two little brothers who are my life at the moment, i look after them like 90% of the time, so in a way i already have two kids.lols!
_________________ "Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
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