Why don't sp girls date sp guys?

happywannabe · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 12:03 am Post subject:

I am a sp female i was in a 12 years relationship until 3 months ago, he left me he wasnt sp but he new i had. He said i was difficuly to life with but we did have some good times. I wanted him to push me a little and he did and when i didnt he still did but he had enough after 12years and left hes still a friend sometime but not when am feelin low cos he said thats why he left me in the first place. So i dont think i would go with some 1 with sp, u we would b bad as each other and it wouldnt help either of us to get better. u would try and push each other but both wont want to b pushed, u wouldnt have that little bit extra help of a person who hasnt go sp but on the other hand i havent been with some 1 who really understood wot i going thro it could actully help each other. Has any 1 beenin see some1 who both of u have sp

Guest · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 2:31 am Post subject:

My goodness, all this discussion for something that's as plain as the nose on your faces...

The reason sp guys don't date sp girls and visa versa is because they would NEVER BE GOING ANYWHERE TOGETHER. Rolling Eyes

spacecadetglowuk · Posted: Fri Jul 23, 2004 8:22 am Post subject:

I dont know, I dated an sp girl for 3 years and because I had got alot better and knew how to deal with it ,it also helped her, the reason for the relationships failure was nothing to do with the sp.

happywannabe · Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2004 1:36 am Post subject:

take it most agree it wont work dating poeple who both have social phobia is there any 1 who disagree or is there some one who isnt sp but cum here for advise as they r dating some one who sp

Regal70 · Posted: Sat Jul 24, 2004 7:54 pm Post subject:

One of the problems I have now is, even though I find it possible to talk to women on the phone, get some dates, etc, they always want to know explicit details about my past. I am 33 years old and have not dated alot of people because of my SP. I had not been able to in the past. So, they find it kind of wierd I have never been married, lived with anyone, or been in a serious relationship and automatically wonder "what's wrong with me?". I don't know what to tell them. Maybe lying is the best way (hey, all the super extroverted guys do it and they seem to fall for it). I tried telling the truth a couple of times, that I was really shy in the past and that's why I haven't been in a relationship, but that hasn't gone over too well with anyone I did tell the truth too. One girl told me she thinks I need a "more timid girl" and "she thinks she would push me around" and she "doesn;t know about this".

SP just sucks. You need positive feedback to get better. But you can't get positive feedback when you are thinking negative. So, instead, you get more negative feedback. It's just hard to break the cycle.

So, I don't think dating someone "without SP" is particularly helpful. Mostly they just wonder what the heck is wrong with you, just "snap out of it" and don't understand a bit what is going on with you. Outgoing girls like outgoing guys. They arn't going to push you, they are simply going to give up on you very quickly most of the time. Maybe SP girls are better to date, but I haven't met many (maybe they are all hiding). I did date one girl that seemed to be more like me, and it did work better, but, unfortunately, it fell apart for other reasons not related.

I guess I'm not as bad as some..I can call the pizza place with no problems..lol

spacecadetglowuk · Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 11:55 am Post subject:

Orlando · Posted: Tue Jul 27, 2004 2:37 pm Post subject:

Regal 70,

I am 32, still a virgin. In my lifetime, I've had 8 dates. They never went past two encounters with the same individual.
I have blocks like other people with SP but I think this might be the most painful and persisent in my psychological career (I feel like I'm at a job interview!).
I don't know how to fill in the blanks in my past also. Women, in high school, get involved in track, go to parties, were cheerleaders, participated in band, etc. In high school, I ate Twinkes and watched TV alone. I am not a Lance Armstrong type....a confident, athletic goal-setter. At best, I could be a Woody Allen on steroids.
I am thinking that if I can't tell the woman I love what my past was, then I don't think I trust her in the first place. If I don't trust her, then I definately don't think we would have a very open relationship. I can only put up a facade for a little while (like I'm some type of confident winner!). I would rather have the woman know who I am. I want to be comfortable with her as much as she is with me.
I may be a dreamer and an idealist. I know that building a relationship is much more harder than writing about it. That's the idealist in me, I can talk the talk but I can't walk the walk.

_________________
-Orl

Regal70 · Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 1:43 am Post subject:

Damn I hate to give up hope so I have to keep trying! Most of my dates have ended after 1 or 2 encounters, I've had one that lasted for 3 or 4 months. This has to be one of the worst things a guy can have. Sometimes I actually wish I was born a female, because it seems to me they have it so much easier (they just sit back , let you make all the plans, all the moves, provide all the entertainment, etc, at least this is the impression I get). All the woman has to do is "show up". If all I had to do was show up, then things would be alot easier! Like you Orlando this is one of my biggest 'blockages'. I'm usually ok at work, etc, going to stores, fending for myself, because it is all just impersonal business.

Orlando · Posted: Wed Jul 28, 2004 3:10 pm Post subject:

Regal 70,

One thing that I noticed about myself is that if I like a woman, I immediately become quiet. Before I noticed her, I would be able to enjoy myself (make jokes, laugh, etc.) however when I become aware of my attraction, I shut down. It seems that everything becomes dark and grey. Talking with her doesn't become fun anymore....being around her isn't fun either. Everything seems to be a test of whether I am compatiable or not. Usually, I don't feel I measure up! I know this is my block and it really messes with my head. I wish I could reproduce asexually! That way, I could cut off my nose and have it regenerate into my son or daughter. I think it would be easier that way. (I never really liked my nose anyway!) Very Happy

_________________
-Orl

Regal70 · Posted: Thu Jul 29, 2004 11:39 pm Post subject:

I'm the same way. If I like someone, that makes me more quiet. I guess it is the fear of rejection. Then I walk around on my tip toes so to speak, afraid Im going to say/do something that will lead to rejection. I need to get this out of my head somehow. I think if I would just NOT CARE what they think, I would be ok. But it's hard to break out of the pattern. I'm going to try a new approach --before I took all rejections as failures, even if the person probably wasn;t that great for me to begin with. I'm going to look at dates as "experiments" --if it doesn;t work it doesn;t work --but I have to see what works and not look at everything as a failure. With my limited experience I don't know if it will work, but I have to do something. If I do better then the last time, even if it doesn;t lead to something (which before I took as a failure on my part) I have to start looking at it as "success" even if I did something I didn;t before (like maybe even tell them off for being a bad date!! My last date I took this girl out and afterwards she had a problem with me being too quiet, I think after paying $50 for our dinner I should have demanded a refund! You have a problem with someone being quiet, that's YOUR PROBLEM..lol).