Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:06 am Post subject: I have never had a girlfriend in my life
Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.
You just need to do it now. Really try and put your SA to one side and prepare to get egg on your face. Dating can be ugly but you will find that the more you do it the easier it will be to handle. Things never usually work out how we plan it.
Im 21 and girls approach me all the time. My conversational skills are my weak point. If i could figure out a way of expressing myself vocally! then my SA would be cured.
Joined: Oct 24, 2005 Posts: 115 Location: New Zealand
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:47 am Post subject:
I'm 33 and have never had a girlfriend, so I got you beat in that department.
I did, however, leave home when I was 27. Ironically my SA was a big reason for me moving out! I used to hate it when we had visitors, which happened reasonably often. I would end up being stuck in my room and feeling like a prisoner in my own home. It was also hard getting out of social events which the whole family was invited to.
So I took the plunge and found myself a flat (on my own) and I haven't regretted it one bit. At first it was lonely but I soon got used to my own company and now I love it.
However it hasn't helped in the girlfriend department . But like Steve says, if I ever do meet a girl at least I'll have somewhere to bring her back to....
Joined: Oct 24, 2005 Posts: 115 Location: New Zealand
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 10:07 am Post subject:
Steve-182 wrote:
Actually, Kiwi raises a good point here which I missed. I agree, it got so hard to constantly try and say no to family get-togethers and people coming round etc. Plus I always felt riddiculed for being the guy who's still at home with his parents and took many a snide comment by some members of my extended family. At least now I have the security of being away from the family home so if they travel to see relatives and they ask where Steve is then my folks can say "Well Steve does his own thing now" and it avoids that awkwardness of "Well Steve didn't want to come". It was hard on my parents to cover for me every time.
Exactly. I think we're living parallel lives on opposite sides of the planet
Speaking of parents finding it hard, my parents must find it hard when all their friends and relatives are already grandparents and they're not. I feel like I've let my parents down in that department (I'm the oldest in the family). I know they would love to be grandparents and it must kill them to see it happen for everyone else but not them.
I can just imagine them getting quizzed at family functions ("When is Chris going to find himself a girl and get married?"). Just as well I'm not there!
Joined: Oct 04, 2004 Posts: 581 Location: New Zealand
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 10:22 am Post subject:
kiwi wrote:
Steve-182 wrote:
Actually, Kiwi raises a good point here which I missed. I agree, it got so hard to constantly try and say no to family get-togethers and people coming round etc. Plus I always felt riddiculed for being the guy who's still at home with his parents and took many a snide comment by some members of my extended family. At least now I have the security of being away from the family home so if they travel to see relatives and they ask where Steve is then my folks can say "Well Steve does his own thing now" and it avoids that awkwardness of "Well Steve didn't want to come". It was hard on my parents to cover for me every time.
Exactly. I think we're living parallel lives on opposite sides of the planet
Speaking of parents finding it hard, my parents must find it hard when all their friends and relatives are already grandparents and they're not. I feel like I've let my parents down in that department (I'm the oldest in the family). I know they would love to be grandparents and it must kill them to see it happen for everyone else but not them.
I can just imagine them getting quizzed at family functions ("When is Chris going to find himself a girl and get married?"). Just as well I'm not there!
same boat here pal, eldest in the family and not a chance in hell of grandchildren coming from this direction
Im lucky though that Im so ugly that noone in my extended family expects me to find a girl and so I have no pressure put on me at family occasions
I know my parents wish that I could find love and happiness and wish they could have grandchildren but oh well, their next son is only a few years away from all of that
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 5:43 pm Post subject: Hi Rko
rko74 wrote:
Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.
Rko,
This is very common, and yes you have lots of hope! The new world you are about to encounter will be filled with so much joy, you just can't believe/ I also recommend: "Without Embarresment". It is a great resource that is specifically about this issue. It talks about reasons for shame and anxiety with women, and how to break the cycle.
_________________ Kertera - Mental Health Articles
-->Kertera - New Anxiety, Mental Health Forum
Sometimes the only way to get out of a rut is to tackle it head on. Sounds corny I know. and to answer your question about “is there hope for you” well of cause there is because you already started making progress by making an appointment to see a therapist. Well done.
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Ok there i said it, and im really embarassed.I'm 31, is there hope for me? Its not that im ugly or anything its just the social phobia me not overcoming it. Im trying to do something about it, im going to see a therapist this month and he told me to read "Dying of Embarassment".I wish i had more motivation.I think i have let it go on so long because im so comfortable living at home with my parents.
. But like Steve says, if I ever do meet a girl at least I'll have somewhere to bring her back to....
i'll pretend 2 go out wiv all of u! heehee 
