I think you need to take a risk once in a while. Don't let this thing beat you. So what if you ask someone out and they say no.....its not the end of the world. You move on to the next person you like. Eventually someone will say yes.
I had SA when I met my husband and he saw me blush quite a few times before I confessed about it and he just thought i was shy, not a wierdo. I think sometimes we imagine so much more worse things that people are thinking of us, and in reality its not a big deal to others.
We all have regrets with SA but if you say okay as of today the past is in the past and I might fall and stumble and embarass myself but oh well.
If you know of someone you want to ask out. Do it today! They might say yes, you know. its a 50- 50 chance.
I would say you have enough problems of your own, don't stress about your parents and grandchildren that will come in due time.
Don't waste today, go for it. I am sure you are not ugly guys. Just don't look like you just woke up, fix yourself up a bit and just go for it.
Don't worry we have SA but others are dealing with their own issues, no one has it together, no matter what you think.
AnthonyJ31, I too almost cried when reading your post...
I'm 23 and I too haven't had any realationships. I have had many opportunities to meet girls, which I like but I'm too shy and nervous. I don't know what to do. I am struggling with my social phobia, but often it is so hard to gather myself up
Wow... I didn't realize that others experienced this. I just found this site and its a relief to know that there are others like me. I'm a 23 yo guy who like many of you has never been out on a date... and still living with my parents. Worse yet I'm so afraid to talk to people that I have no friends. Looking into the future, I see my life going nowhere, and often think "WTF am I doing with my life."
To make matters even worse for my SA, I recently admitted to myself that I am gay. Since then I have been filled with anxiety even in places I normally feel comfortable. I constantly feel like my chest is tightning and it gets hard to breathe.
Posted: Tue Jun 20, 2006 5:50 am Post subject: Re: I HATE EVERYBODY
veryshy wrote:
in this shitty fucking world! YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL AND EAT SHIT while sipping your super double latte cappochino CRAP!
When you see the low life motherfucker on a street corner, living in rags, pushing a shopping cart THINK OF ME. Think of your BULLSHIT rules and regulations for everything. Think of the cost of living. Think about those of us who are left in the dust. Be thankful we arent mean-spirited violent people
Train yourself not to demand a girlfriend or somethin. Thats what I do. How?
1) I suggest doin activities that will distract your mind. Like play videogames for chrissake...
2) Or maybe... to the desperate of you who are desperate to get a girl, you are desperate to get a girl because you LIKE it. But what if the opposite of "like"? Hate?
This might be an extreme solution... there are tons and tons of MRA (the male version of the feminists) websites out there and some of em can be really really hateful. Read through the countless stories of women behaving badly and stories of men getting ass raped in divorce court, payin child support, fake sexual harrassment charges, etc... Read em for 1 whole week and memorize them posts if you can...
And lets see if you're still desperate. It might work...
3)Listen to deathmetal or gengsta hood rap lyrics. Listen to Chimaira, Slipknot, Meshuggah, Life once Lost, All that Remains, Soulfly, etc... As for Rap, listen to Wutang Clan or Snoop Dog or ICE T or any variant that just talks about bling bling, dont give a fuck, gengsta flo, ma homies, and smackin dem hoez.
Drill those songs into your head. Let the lyrics get to you and pretend you're like them...
4) Watch a ton of fight videos and UFC tapes. As sex is a man's primal urge, so is fighting. Or join a fight club... errr. I mean any martial arts club that has full contact fighting... fight clubs can get you in jail... lol.
Joined: Aug 04, 2006 Posts: 23 Location: Barrie, Ontario, Canada
Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2006 12:27 am Post subject:
I'm 28 and haven't had a girlfriend in 10 years. I guess I am not alone. I am mortally afraid of rejection when it comes to women, the more I like a girl the harder it is to talk to her so I seem like a wacko. I am happy to hear I am not alone in this. How do you tell a girl that she is the first person you have been with in ten years without sounding like a loser?
_________________ Robert Dobó Health Bells Fitness Club
Stress & Anxiety Fitness specialist
www.HealthBells.com
I will never know what it was like to date as a teenager, to kiss as a teenager, to have sex as a teenager because I was too busy being afraid. Damn guys, this really really hurts
yeah anthony that for me its a tragedy. a lost that will never be filled. the lost of the the soul. no matter how many girls i have now, this killed my adolescence
Well I guess from reading these posts I'm a bit luckier than most. I never had a girlfriend until this year (I'm 27 1/2). I have properly kissed 5 or 6 girls in my lifetime but not until I had reached the age of 23.
The thing you have got to remember (at least in the UK) is that 99% of the time a girl will NEVER ask a guy out on a date. The only circumstances this may happen is if the girl is particulalry outgoing and (usually) of average looks.
My first ever date was in 2002 (I think). At the place I used to work there was this nice South African girl who used to sit opposite me. She always used to smile like crazy when I spoke to her so one day I asked for her mobile number (one of her bosses had just asked for it in case he needed to contact her out of the office - so it didn't seem innappropriate). I plucked up the courage to call her one weekend and we arranged to meet for a drink. Unfortunately it didn't go very well. I guess the problem was we were both shy and it seemed aukward. She came from a very different background too, though both her parents were ex-pats.
My second date was with a girl I met on an online dating site. That was about 1 1/2 years ago. We conversed via email for a couple of weeks and arrange to meet. I was better than the last date but still a bit aukward. It turned out we didn't have much in common and she appeared to be looking for a particular type of person that just wasn't me.
My last ~8 dates were this year to a girl I met at a house party. She finished it after a month. It was a good experience I guess though painful at the end. I don't feel I did a lot wrong considering I had to contend with a lot of her own personal baggage. She told me she had never dated until she was 21 (she's 25 now) and had never been with anyone more than 6 weeks. So at 4 weeks I guess I did better than average. We are still 'friends' and I've seen her about 4 times in the last 4 months.
I guess my top tips for getting a date (easier said than done):
- look out for signs of attraction - the girl will self-preen (adjust hair etc) and smile a lot when they are talking to you. If you see a good looking popular guy watch how women behave around him.
- Always make it a simple first date then if it goes wrong you can escape easily. Save dinners until the 3/4 date.
- Ask for a date subtely, eg: "I was thinking of going for a drink after work. Fancy coming?" Rather than "Do you want to come for a drink with me?" They are less likely to say no and if they do you won't feel such a plank.
- Ask questions to take the pressure of yourself. Use an easy chatty style, not an interrogation. Think of some things to ask beforehand.
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