Why do i push people away

arrina · Newbie User Joined: Dec 04, 2005 Posts: 37

Its really awful i am rubbish at friendships and relationships in general and really wont friend but as soon as someone is getting at all friendly I seem to push them away. If someone wants to help me Id much rather work it out on my own. I dont know if this is something most people with sa have or is it just me! Confused

Skyla · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:24 pm Post subject:

No, you're not alone. im always scared of someone getting close to me incase they "find out" how sad certain parts of my life are. and i always feel pressure. if we had a good time hanging out one time, what about the next and the next time after that? how do i maintain that interest that person may have had for me in da beginning??
on the other hand i really want to find that closeness whether it be with a friend or in a relationship. but i cant express in words how much aniexty and worry i get thinking of someone i like finding out. more so than first meeting the person.
I generally dont like asking for help. its like a sign of weakness. i know its not and in some circumstances its actually brave. but i always feel stupid/inadequate when asking for help. i get upset if i need it.

ShadowCat · Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2005 11:56 pm Post subject:

I always seem to push people away because of my shyness. They think I'm cold and distant, but I'm just shy and somewhat socially inept.

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How charged with punishments the scroll;
I am the master of my fate
I am the captain of my soul.

4myself · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:28 am Post subject:

I think it is very common with s.a, I certainly do it all the time. I seem to be incapable of expressing any feelings to anyone, I cant stand the thought that I may be percieved as weak, although when you think about it I am really being weak by not allowing anyone to form a judgement of me. Im not brave enough to handle peoples dislike.
I can relate to what you said Skyla, I also dont want people to know how sad some parts of my life are so I go to great lengths to cover things up. Oh my goodness, its like I cant even accept that I am human, like everyone else.

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thereishope · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 12:58 am Post subject:

yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) Crying or Very sad

, i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. Crying or Very sad

. is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?

4myself · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 1:06 am Post subject:

I don't think we are freaks, I just think that we have trouble with the emotional stuff. You mention being a romantic at heart, thats is lovely. Do you think maybe you fear the reality not being able to match up with the fantasy?. I do.

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The less you talk, the more your listened to.

Invisible_Alien · Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2005 2:39 am Post subject:

I feel the same way as many of the things stated here already. I feel like I've built a wall around me to keep people out. I did it to protect myself but now I'm trapped behind it. Even though it gets lonely and I really want people to come inside, I just don't know how to connect with them and I also fear the rejection/pain it could cause if people would know the real me. I've spent so much strength and energy building this wall that I don't currently have the energy to tear it down. I'm safe and comfortable behind my wall, even though it's quite barren inside. The closer someone gets to trying to come behind my wall, the harder I'll fight to keep them out. Not that I want to, I just feel the need to protect myself. Well anyway, that's just my two cents.

LittleMissScareAll · Expert User Joined: Jun 15, 2005 Posts: 716 Location: Hell

I dont intentionally push people away...but I seem to SCARE everyone away or something. Eventually EVERYONE I meet(and I do mean EVERYONE, except my family--they're stuck with me Crying or Very sad

) leaves me after a short while...without any explanation or anything...for no apparent reason, they just stop talking to me or stop coming around. People really hate me and wish I would die. Evil or Very Mad

sweetsour_eisha · Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2005 4:22 pm Post subject:

thereishope, hold on.. we're on the same boat.

i never have a boyfriend. and somehow i got the feeling that i will never have.. i like to be hug, when i fantasised, i always fantasised being hug and hearing someone say he love me and will be for the rest of his life..
But when i realized it's just my fantasy, i'd just shiver and break down..

The family part, i try to stay positive.. i just tell myself that my family is not a 'hugging family' type.. sometimes i blame the lack of love and hugs in my family for my SA. Crying or Very sad

refined_rascal · Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2005 3:16 pm Post subject:

I push people away all the time. I'm not proud of it, in fact I can be a complete shit sometimes. I can't even put my finger on as to why i do it. I've been asked by my sister and her family to join them ForChristmas, but I turned them down. I swear to god, sometimes I'm only happy when I'm miserable.

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