I like to push people away, I just love to make people sad for some reason, then I feel bad and miserable, but I like it
I think I am very shallow, I don't care about any kind of relationship except SEX.
I think more normal folks dont persue friendship with me cause i dont really reciprocate, so the only people i hang out with are increasingly messed up (codependent?) which certainly doesnt help.
Co-dependent people tend to gravitate towards me aswell when they're fighting with their friends and the next day they'll be off laughing with them again.
I unintentionally push people I like away cause I can't keep them engaged yet always expect them to initiate interest. That's the only way I've ever been able to make friends. I'm currently grieving over such a missed opportunity now that freaking out cause the ball was in my court didn't help anything. If only people could read my feelings without me having to express them!
They probably read my intentions wrong but I am too shy to go up to anyone and confess I actually am lonely and want to reciprocate and respond adequately to their offer... even though such pride is insecure. If I can't meet their needs why should I keep longing for them to meet mine?
I would feel too embarrassed and belittled chasing after them, fearing rejection and never having anything to say.
yeah i can totally relate. when i first meet someone i'm all nice and talkative, but after a day or two, i tend to withdraw. i'm also not good with getting close to people, even family, and i never offer hugs or say 'i love you' (now i'm crying) , i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. . is there anyone else who is as freakish as me?
Awww.. just like you, I'm crap at expressing emotions such as saying 'i love you' (even to friends) or hugging people. I think it's because of my education. My parents have a bad wedding, and there was no hugging or touching in our life. Same goes for conversations. I never learned how to talk on an emotional level. My brother and dad have Asperger's syndrome, they're just very non-emotional people.
It never bothered me until I got to that age where you're supposed to have your first relationship, first boyfriend etc.
Now I'm 25 and still when people (try to) hug me I feel awkward. And it's noticeable, because I physically freeze and they think it's because I'm repulsed by them or something! My closest friends know though so they're not bothered by it, they just try to hug me anyway.
And it's not that I don't like it, I'm just not used to it. I have a lot of catching up to do. (makes me sad, because I feel like I should've gone through that stage 10 years ago)
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, i am such a freak! i know it must hurt my mum that i am so cold, i know it sounds silly but i'm just too embarrassed to do those things. the way i am right now i don't think i'll ever have a boyfriend, and it really kills me cos i'm actually a romantic at heart. 